Sunday, 02 September 2012
-
When You Lost Your Virginity, Was it Special?
Why do people put so much emphasis on losing their virginity as though sex should be this ultra "special" thing? Is it because it's their first time experiencing sex? I know this girl Mary, who is so persistent on trying to get her ex Dylan back. They dated pretty much over 8 years ago and she's still stuck on him because he was her first everything.
I just want to knock some sense into this girl -- first times don't matter in the long run. She's one year younger than me and should know this, but I guess "love" is blind. I want to tell her that what she is experiencing isn't love but major infatuation. No person who truly "loves" her would make her be the other woman. She'll try to argue that it is real love, though -- maybe unrequited love at best.During the 8 years, Dylan cheated on her with someone she worked with, she allowed him to use her to cheat on all his other girlfriends he was with. He's even cheated on his current girlfriend/wife who has his kid on the way, with Mary and several others. Mary still wants to try to fight for him despite all of that. Once you got him, now what? He's not going to stay faithful to you again.
I don't like Mary constantly blaming this guy saying he "used" her to cheat, when she ALLOWED him to use her. She could have easily gotten out of that situation, but she's so desperate. I also am disappointed in Dylan's wife. If I found out someone cheated on me the first time, I would have left long ago. Now Dylan and his wife have brought a child into the picture into an unhealthy environment.Mary says that child's not going to have a good life, but allowing her ex to cheat with her, she's not helping the situation. She's even questioned herself, but still tries to win him back... I could never trust someone like that. If I were in her shoes, this battle would not be worth the fight. All I know is, this guy should be single for the rest of his life and rot. It makes my stomach turn that now he has a kid on the way.
That kid doesn't deserve a cheating scum father who probably won't even be there for the kid because he's too busy cheating on his wife. I wonder what his parents think of him, or if they even know how their son treats women. If my child treated women this way, I wouldn't defend him on it, and couldn't care less if he was my kid. That's just wrong; cheating on everyone he's ever been with. I would ask him why he even got into relationships in the first place if he's just going to cheat, cheat, cheat.Was your first time "special?" Or did you not care? As for me, I got tired of being a goody two shoes trying to wait for something that doesn't exist. It may exist for others, but it doesn't exist for me. At 21 years of age, the first time to me was just a learning experience to not hook up with the wrong people after. I'm actually glad I didn't lose it to someone special and if we would have broken up, it would have been much harder to get over and I probably would have behaved irrationally like Mary.
I think it's more important who the last person you end up marrying is, not the first person you lose it to. I know some guys don't really care to make their virginity this special deal. I even knew one guy I went to high school with who went to Amsterdam and lost it at one of those brothels in Amsterdam. More often than not, most people don't even wind up marrying who they lost their virginity to.No Regrets.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (46)
yawn. can we talk about something new?
Forget about your first time ever. Think about the next first time with someone new. That is worth thinking about!
@Gaia - Reborn Virgin lol!
Still waitin'. Φ ≡
I recommend @IcECaT123's post.
Mine was, I had the best first boyfriend he waited until I was ready even though he had had girlfriends before and wasn't a virgin. He cared about me and respected me - I was very lucky :) I think it does matter because if you lose your virginity in a bad way it can scar you sexually for a very long time and be very hard to get over.....I have seen this happen with other people!
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - There's only so many new topics on dating. If you're sick of talked about topics, then I suggest you stop coming here. Everything on the first page has pretty much been talked about in the past. You want new shit? Go read some girlie cosmo magazine. My God, I hate posters who don't even come here to answer the question.
As for this post, I agree, 30 years later, it won't matter. I'm not even talking to the douche bag I lost it to. He's married now to someone else.
At least the child has a life. There are lots of ways for a child to grow up. It doesn't have to be with a father who doesn't cheat. It's not a big deal anyways. He's only sharing.
If the father was a murderer or something, that would be different. Haha he cheats and shares love and you hope he rots? Hmm maybe your way of thinking is evil?
lol, i wasn't complaining about all the posts on datingish, i'm complaining about YOUR posts. you obviously wrote this post, along with most (if not all) of the recent anonymous ones. your style is quite distinct--mostly because your grammar and coherence are consistent with those of a 5th grader. plus, every post has the same theme: how you're in an open relationship, fuck whoever you want, you're sexually open, you don't believe in love and think everyone who does is dumb, bla bla bla bla bla.
why you then comment on your own posts and act like they're not yours is beyond me. why don't you just create a username like the rest of us? this is the last i'm going to say to you until you do.
@twilike@xanga - That's the silliest comment I've ever read about cheaters. Well if you get cheated on when you're in an official relationship, don't complain. Sharing is caring. :) Murderers and cheaters can't be compared, they're two different things. Apples to oranges.
@twilike@xanga - Do you know what it means for couples when they get married? Guess not if you think it's justified cheating just because he isn't a "murderer." He may as well be a murderer. He robbed the child of knowing a decent biological father.
I like lots of guys, so it's normal I think.
if some people want to be rental cars for basically anyone to use, then go ahead. I prefer to be the exotic/vintage classic car that people admire and wish they could buy/ride
you can't affowd mi honeyy
even if you could, I ain't for sale. I'm limited edition
I ride my high horse and only the determined can catch up to me. my guy rides high like me. some of the people, who think others are riding on a high horse, is because they are stuck on their midget donkey or fat cow lmao those who can keep up or want to out-ride the other, is the ambitious one, who I'm usually attracted to. anyway...
to each their own.
yes, my first time was special. and the breakup was icky, but oh well. life went on and got better.
also, i think it should only be called "sharing" if everyone involved is ok with it, which doesn't seem to be the case with the poster's friend.
I have noticed gruls attachments to the guy thy loose their virginity to. and I think its okay. I think when the desire to attach/hold on the the individual goes comply away is when we as a society have some thinking to do.
@twilike@xanga - I'm pretty open minded, but you may be even more liberal than myself. I wouldn't be able to date a girl who slept with other people - maybe it's a self image thing I have, but I prefer a "closed" relationship. On the other hand, I think it's wrong for people to be so quick to judge outside the spectrum of their knowledge. Just because a person has multiple sexual partners doesn't necessarily mean they're a bad person or anything of the sort, but so much of our cultural dynamic is held back by our sexual limitations. Two phrases come to mind: 1) Judge not lest you be judged yourself, 2) Do what you want and fuck what people think.
Anyways, the post is a bit... sidetracked in the middle. You (OP) began talking about how losing your virginity shouldn't be something special and then you go off on a tangent about a guy who cheats and the affects it'll have on a child.
1) I agree that losing your virginity shouldn't be so important, but people remember their firsts - first kiss, first girlfriend/boyfriend, first sexual experience. It sounds almost like your friend imprinted her first sexual partner as some sort of "one true love" because of the fact that he was the first. If she's blind, then she's blind. Let her live her life and learn from her mistakes - you can't teach someone who isn't ready to learn.
2) You can feel sorry for the child, but children have been raised in worse conditions. You also stated various biased comments such as, "cheating scum father who probably won't even be there for the kid." I don't mean to defend a cheater, but just because he cheats doesn't necessarily mean he'll be a bad father. It's what he does and what he cares about that matters and the only one that can judge whether or not he's a good father or not is the child. I would worry more about your friend than your friend's child - the child is stuck with him as the father, no matter what s/he does. Your friend can still leave him if the incentive strikes.
i just have one comment to your question -Why do people put so much emphasis on losing their virginity as though sex should be this ultra "special" thing?
Well, sex
shouldbe special between two partners. And so, yes, the first time should be special and memorable.
if you think that sex is not special, well, whatever floats your boat. But just because it's not special to you doesn't make it unspecial for others and unworthy of emphasis.
Yes because we were in love and, as many simple ways as there are to express that, sex allows you to be indulgent, to amplify those feelings, to not just be generous with love but overwhelm with generosity, leaving no question of where your affection lies because they're bursting at the seams with it, and whatever feelings you'd previously expressed in words or gestures now ring with perfect clarity in every unintentional sound forced from our lips like music passing through us from some section of heaven where God is fingering a row of angel vaginas like a piano, His head tilted back in song like James Brown if James Brown was a huge sexy motherfucker with a long flowing white beard, every strand molesting a Japanese girl like divine tentacles drawn from prophecy by the immaculate fingers of Japanese animators, their penises extending to the sky like antennas to heaven, collecting the word of God in all His glory and shooting it into your girlfriend's vagina through your penis as though you've become a weapon of God's holy wrath, striking at Eve from the heavens while "I Got the Feelin'" plays in thunder, notes writing themselves in lightning, branding our backs while the heavens echo with our delightful sin made pure by the simple fact that we were in love.
tldr: yes because my penis was in her vagina and it was fucking awesome
Not really. Sex is a biological function, nothing more.
@yan_ni@xanga - The OP never implied she slept around. That was the cock sucking friend that did.
What's wrong with sex between two people who don't have emotional attachments? It's still between two people.
I can't understand how your friend is allowing this guy to cheat on his pregnant wife! If for some reason he did leave wifey for your friend, does your friend think he will be completely faithful to her??? He wasn't before. He'll continue his cheating ways. She needa to move on. 8 years is long time to chase after someone.
I didn't "lose" it. I know right where I put it. Or rather, who put theirs here. haha Of course it was special the first time I had sex - it was with my now-husband.
I'm not going to share my body or risk a child with a man who I don't think is worthwhile and will make a good father.
@Iobot@xanga - Anything more than one short paragraph is tldr, so the same could be said for your response. I've seen longer datingish posts.
@DarcKleer@xanga - I totally agree. That the wife and the scum bag friend need to cut their losses. I shudder at what the dead beat father is going to teach his kid, the kind of morals to have. His son might treat women the same way.
I gave mine up to my boyfriend at the time and I did love the guy at the time. Still, it wasn't anything great. I mean come on, it was both of our first times and frankly, we didn't what the hell we were doing. Still, I'm someone who will only have sex with someone I love don't ever go for guys who are known to get around.