The other day, I listened to Maroon 5's recent hit, "One More Night." If you haven't heard it yet, don't look for it unless you want it stuck in your head forever and ever.
Like many of Maroon 5's songs, "One More Night" deals with relationships, and a particularly messed up one at that.
In the first verse, lead singer Adam Levine croons, "You and I get so damn dysfunctional we stopped keeping score." But the couple cannot break up, and Levine begs himself that this night together will be their last, just one more.
I've seen my fair share of dysfunctional relationships, and
have been in one myself. So I know that sometimes, it can be really difficult to break a relationship off, even when you both know it's unhealthy and would be better off without each other. Which just happens to be what "One More Night" is about.
And I'm sure I'm not the only person in the Datingish world who's had a relationship like the one described in "One More Night."
So why was it so messed up? What happened in the end?
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"So why was it so messed up? What happened in the end?"
People anthropomorphize and blame abstract ideas.
Relationships aren't dysfunctional. The people in them are.
story of my roommate and her boyfriend.
My friend had his first serious girlfriend in high school and I do not doubt him when he said he loved her. Instead I believe that he loved her despite her poisoning and ruining him - that his love was blind. She wasn't a bad person, but whatever combination it was between the two that intoxicated each other was unique, it made each other needy and desperate in a way that left them husks. I believe they broke up and got back together about 10-12 times, which is a bit ridiculous, even for a high school story. I remember him openly crying in the high school cafeteria several times after they broke up.
These things change us, shapes us, and teaches us through experience what it means to love, to be loved, and what you want from love. Through objective eyes (with a splash of puerile ignorance) , I didn't understand why my friend couldn't see how toxic his GF was. His world world was rose-tinted though, that allure was so tempting he don't even notice his intoxication. I believe if a relationship is poison for a friend, it's my duty to tell them, but it's their right to decide when to acquiesce the failings of their relationship.
@SexyKhoiFish@xanga - "I believe if a relationship is poison for a friend, it's my duty to tell them, but it's their right to decide when to acquiesce the failings of their relationship."
More abstract bullshit. Relationships are not "poison". Relationships are relationships. Your only "duty" is to live your life and behave in ways you find appropriate. If you don't like how they are behaving, take action and do something about it instead of being an annoying fucking bystander and interfering with something that has abso-fucking-lutely nothing to do with you by throwing in your baseless opinion unless it will aid them with what they are TRYING and WANT to accomplish.
If a relationship is "poison" you are the antidote in a syringe with an HIV contaminated needle.
You are not in the relationship to know whether giving up is best for them, but if you were, you could very well be right. Until then, by adding your own doubt to the situation you are only making yourself a catalyst for the "failings" of others.
On top of all of this, you have no right to even begin to speculate what other people's "rights" are, nor do you have any right to label their actions as "failings" if they are still trying to love each other, because if they are still trying where you would give up, there shouldn't be a doubt in your mind they are by far better people than you.
Relationships don't fail. People fail.
I don't know what you are like as a person and you may have good intentions, but your attitude towards relationships disgusts me.
If a relationship was "poison" to me...
http://youtu.be/PsO6ZnUZI0g
The people just weren't right for each other, and they found that out too late.
@SexyKhoiFish@xanga -@T3hZ10n@xanga - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6blgjF6UkU
YOU GO GIRL, MINKA! leave him! "I'll only stay with you one more night." no, look who left first, bitch
I'd get in the ring and beat that wussbag's lights out!! no wonder his voice is high pitched because he lost so many fights. his "whatever, i don't know" at the end shot himself in the balls.
minka is so cute
@T3hZ10n@xanga - While sometimes that is the case, other times people just aren't right for each other and have personality and value clashes despite their feelings for one another. Just because you argue with a SO or friend all the time, as long as it's not getting out of hand (yelling, violence, hysterical crying), it doesn't mean the people arguing are dysfunctional but the relationship between them is.
I dated a guy my freshman year of high school for six months, and we were on and off constantly. He cheated on me about six times, yet I kept him around. I knew in my heart I'd definitely be better off without him, but I was afraid to be alone. He wanted me for sex and nothing more, and when I didn't give it to him, it got ugly. But eventually I finally had the strength to let him go, and I don't even remember his name!
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - http://youtu.be/4coXVx8noBA
@Digital_Angel21@xanga - Whatever you need to tell yourself. Whoever bows out first does not deserve to be in a relationship.
Interactions between people can be broken down into 2 'categories':
1) Cooperation toward a mutual common goal
2) Competition toward a conflicting personal goal
They say "All's fair in love and war" for a reason. If you have personal goals you want to achieve but you're not willing to negotiate your terms for accomplishing them, do not enter into a relationship in the first place.
If you express your love for another person and later decide you're not in love but they still are, you're at war. There is no "I disagree, and I'll just do whatever I feel like.".
Breaking off a casual relationship in which there were no mutually deep feelings involved is somewhat understandable. People can recover from an accidental emotional "stab"... but if deep feelings were involved and expressed and one person starts pulling away while not considering the other person's desire to stay together, it becomes like trying to rip out an insidiously barbed fishing hook and if it goes on long enough, the person holding on has every reason to suspect the one who keeps tugging is knowingly causing them pain in order to achieve a personal goal when it is obviously less painful to leave it in.
I think leaving someone without their consent when there is no cheating or physical abuse involved should legally be considered reckless disregard. In relationships, either both parties are at fault and they must both accept responsibility, or one party is at fault and they should correct themselves.
From the original post:
"So I know that sometimes, it can be really difficult to break a relationship off, even when you both know it's unhealthy and would be better off without each other."
If one person doesn't want to let go, "they" are not better off without "each other"... one person is better off without the other and only used them to achieve a conflicting personal goal.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I actually can't view youtube videos, or any streaming media for that matter, because I'm currently in Afghanistan. In rebuttal to your argument, I would like to ask if you ever dated a person that was bad for you? That didn't care for you or cheated on you. You, as a person in the relationship, may have been blinded to it, couldn't face the facts, couldn't see it for that matter. If I, as a friend, tells you that your girlfriend has been cheating on you, would that mean I was being nosey? Can friends be too nosey? Do I leave my friend there, in open waters, drowning it whatever lies is thrown at him? Her cheating on him is a failing in the relationship and to acquiesce to it, I simple meant whether he could face that single fact and weather their troubles or break up. Additionally, my duties to my friends include primarily, to be a good friend. If I see someone lie to them or steal from them, I would warn them just the same. It is in my personal opinion only, of course, so you as a friend to someone else are free to express your status in whatever manner you deem fit.
I wholeheartedly disagree with you when you say relationships don't fail. The whole is the sum of its parts, and if people make relationships then inevitably the relationship will fail if the people do not somehow complement each other. Your attitude towards relationships reminds of me PETA, loving animals so much that you would put aside the people. Relationships is a term we use for the interaction between two people; thus relationships are made of people - they can fail very easily depending upon the whims of a couple.
Lastly, I would like to augment my previous statement, the one that you quoted. Instead of "it's their right to decide when to acquiesce to the failings of their relationship." I should have said, "it's their right to decide what course of action they would like to take in their relationship." The part about the failings of their relationship was biased and I am sorry. I do not understand your rage, however. Maybe it is some past experience that ignites you so, but words are words; I can control only what I want to say, not what others read.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C854fFFkO7Y
Superior music is superior.
=P
@SexyKhoiFish@xanga - No rage here. I tend to overuse intensifiers when I feel I'm making a solid point. I'd tell my friend too if I knew their partner was cheating on them. I guess I was thinking more about not-so-obvious and much more complicated relationship scenarios.
in one, and it's deadly.