I wouldn't say that I'm an introvert, but I do have a hard time understanding certain parts of the American relationship dynamic. I have a hard time chatting to a person through Texting or AIM because it just feels forced - the conversation isn't natural when I can't see their body language. Because of this, I often listen to my friend's amazing relationship stories to try to understand a female's mind better. Needless to say, the following anecdote succeeded in baffling me even more.
I won't go into too much details, but the gist of it is that my female friend, lets call her Susan, has been "seeing" this guy, lets call him Alex. Now the bare minimum details are that Alex broke up with his girlfriend of two years after knowing Susan for about two weeks (it's actually less, but lets round). Worse off, he actually did it in front of Susan, through Skype, to show how serious he was.
Right before he broke up with his girlfriend, Susan had told him that
he shouldn't do it, that they didn't know each other, that it was a stupid thing to do; afterwards,
they made out. When she told me this, I pretty much exclaimed, "What the fuck is wrong with you!" She said it was "
sweet of him" to bet everything on her despite not knowing if she was willing to form a relationship.
Is this something normal? Do girls really find recklessness endearing? I'm a pretty logical guy, I don't do things that are baseless, so maybe I'm biased. In my eyes, all I could see was that 1) He dumped his girlfriend of two years, 2) for a girl that he knew for two weeks, 3) FOR A GIRL HE KNEW FOR TWO WEEKS!
In high school, I walked three miles everyday before school to meet my girlfriend just so I could walk her to the bus stop because she was afraid of her neighborhood dogs. I know it's tooting my own horn, but I think that was endearing - not dumping my girlfriend and using that as leverage to somehow prove that I really like some new girl.
What swoons you? Have you done anything like that? Would you do something like that in hopes of swooning someone?
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Comments (38)
I think I like your way, not that dummy's way. I'd actually probably get scared off... While with your endearing act, I'd probably feel important or special.
When a guy says something really sweet that makes me swoon. Last year I was on a dating site and I started talking to this guy and he sent me a message after a couple of days of going back and forth on facebook that said is it possible to miss someone you've never met. I swooned big time and I ended up dating him for a little while. Also, beards make me swoon, yes my heart swoons a little everytime I see a man with a beard.
I think your actions are far more swoon-worthy than the other guy's.
No, girls do not like that... some girls like that and I don't know what is wrong with them. Chivalry makes me swoon. Walking me to the bus stop because dogs scare me, would make me swoon. That was sweet of you. But ditching a girlfriend like that is cruel. I mean obviously the relationship wasn't that great if a girl he knew only two weeks was interesting, but that shows he lacks some class.
What you did was sweet, swoon worthy for most girls, I think. What Susan and Alex were up to sounds just sleazy. I know she's your friend, but you can't base what an entire gender thinks off a girl that would make out with a guy that is obviously taken. Plus, it sounds like it was overdramatic and has all the potential to hurt everyone that was involved.
I wish I was a little more simple, and that sweet words made me swoon. I'm a little too cynical for that. What one might consider to be a sweet action, I just don't see it that way. If a guy tells me that he thinks I'm pretty after looking at my pictures on facebook or vampirefreaks, I chalk it up to him trying to get virtual laid. If a guy opens the car door for me on a date, I see it as awkward as well as a bit of backlash from the times before the women's equal rights movement started up into full swing. I'm not accusing the guy, or any guy that does that, of being chauvinistic, it just reminds me of times when women were absolutely considered to be the fairer sex, bar none. In other words, it doesn't make me swoon, it makes me think of history.
You know what makes me swoon? Creativity. It could be in the way he looks, what he does (actions or what he does in his spare time), or even what he likes. I love it when a guy is into something artistic and understands the work involved in it. I also love when a guy knows he can be an individual and follows his own passions. I love that sort of thing.
Chivalry is sweet, and romantic, and makes me swoon.. Before we got married my hubby and I dated long-ass-distance.. He worried about me walking home after work so he got me a cell phone. He would call me when I left the store, and talk to me until i got home so he knew I'd get home safe, and I felt safer being on the phone with him. Now he sends me sweet texts all day while he is at work, and usually sends me upstairs for some "mommy time" and he occupies the kids after dinner.
Oh things that make me swoon after 8yrs of marriage? He does the laundry,.. he gets up with the youngest at night... he does dishes for me.. the biggest one is that he takes out the trash. now thats just sexy =P
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - Hopefully there are a few more women like you out there than the ones like the OP described.
Yeesh, I agree with you 100%! What makes me swoon are the cute little things. Like playing SWTOR side by side with my guy. lol. Nerdy but it's so cute, it makes my heart do flips. Him too. I'll catch him staring at me smiling and when I do he smiles more so and tells me he loves me so much.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - That is very sweet. It's usually the small sweet things in each of us that we miss the most when it isn't there.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - The funny part was, wen I asked her about it, she was all cavalier like it was normal and expected. I was pretty stumped on how she could like him so much.
@ulvenNixie@xanga - Cynicism is normal nowadays I think. A lot of my friends can't trust new people very well because of past experiences; most don't even trust their friends with their personal burdens (which is a sad thing when we're all so lonely). I guess it takes someone with the ability to abolish our cynicism to be able to reinvigorate us with hopeful aspirations for a future together.
I can sorta see where Susan is coming from. It's somewhat romantic in a dramatic way
ifhe didn't break up with his girlfriend in such a douchebag way. It will depend on who the girl is and what stage of maturity she's in. I prefer more stable, consistent romance though. Small thoughtful gestures like offering me his jacket when I'm cold even when I know he's colder, bringing me food to my work because I don't get breaks, giving me massages when he knows I had a long day, staying up late with me until I fall asleep, etc. Those are what matter to me.
Oh wow. I don't find that swoon worthy at all. I find that a jerk. If a guy ever dumps a girl in front of me, he's off my swoon-worthy list. Why? He's prooving he's a jerk. Just sayin'. If he will do that to his gf of 2 years for you, the new chick, what does that say he'll do for you? Not good when you think about it logically. And this from a girl. Anywho. Sure, some may be lucky, but for the most part... Don't get your hopes up. How could she call that sweet? It just doesn't make sense to me.
I find kind acts, sacrificing yourself for others, genuinely complimenting others, and being a good, solid friend more swoon worthy. In relationships, I find it swoon worthy when the guy will go completely out of his comfort zone to fulfill a need in his SO. For example, my guy taking me to a horse show because of my love for horses to propose to me... And going above and beyond. Buying special VIP tickets & stuff just to genuinely treat me out and make ME happy for once. That was swoon worthy. He proposed to me in the parking lot on our way in. :) This October marks 2 years. :) Wouldn't trade him for the world. n_n
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - SO true. :) Come give lessons to me and my guy, please! lol. :) That's so sweet. Be sure to compliment him and let him know it means the world to you! I'm sure you already do, though. :) *hugs* Glad you have a good man in your life!
if a guy dumped another girl in front of me, i would not be able to ever take him seriously. what would stop him from doing something like that to me in the future?
i am a lot like you, i think, in that i am awkward with talking to people outside of "face to face" interactions. i rely a lot on body language and i love it when a guy is able to communicate with me that way. lots of eye contact, facial expressions, hand gestures. there's so much more to talking than talking.
i find knowledge swoon-worthy. i love to listen, so i like to be around people who have interesting things to say.
@nepenthium@xanga - I can kind of see where Susan is coming from. The guy was so into her (I hesitate to say love...maybe it was, wasn't) that he was willing to leave a relationship for her. This may make him a jerk, but if he is doing it for love, I think it is a teeny bit romantic. I know a couple that went from 1st date to engagement in less than a month and they are happy. They said that when they met they just knew it was meant to be. If Alex felt that way about Susan and was willing to commit....that is kinda neat.
Your friend is a simpleminded foolish person for kissing the guy after that. That's just rewarding bad behavior. And that guy is just heartless. Breakups shouldn't be telecast-ed. Very reckless.
I'm known for going for the "dancers" and that's gotten me nowhere but reading this makes me feel better. Way to go Susan. You've got a real "loyal" man.
my crush's mere presence makes me swoon
he's very dreamy looking
he didn't do anything that he's really aware of that makes me swoon since we haven't really personally talked. his voice is so sexy. I feel like I'm floating on cloud 9 when I think about him
my own fantasies of him make me swoon
other times that I've swooned was when my bf made this card for me. he's so crafty. the card is so cute. I couldn't stop smiling when I saw it. he plasters my social network profile with sweet messages and pics. he is never too busy for me unlike some other guys in my past, who were full of excuses. whenever he sees something that reminds him of me or that he thinks that I would like, he'd buy them for me. he constantly lets me know that he cares and appreciates me. he loves how I'm a princess diva
he says that I remind him of this classic movie starlet
he says that my sexiness is classy
why thank you darling
we sing to each other
he swoons for me and I swoon that he is swooning for me. mutual swooning
Alex is a cunt, not worth pissing on. To not care of the humiliation to his ex girlfriend is psychotic and she is better off without him. His new floosy seems like a silly girl. Maybe if I tell her my semen tasts of chocolate, she'd follow me about.
I don't think that I would find what that guy did endearing but I would appreciate the fact that hes not hanging onto his gf while he figures out if he wants to date me or not. IMHO if I was his GF I would appreciate that he broke up with me if he was starting to have feelings for another girl and wanted to act on them.I would say it was definitely a douchey move though, he shouldnt be flirting with someone while he's in a realtionship and if I was the one he was flirting with I would probably think he doesn't really value relationships since he was able to give up his last one so easily for some girl he just met.
Good grief. I can't speak for all of us women, but some of us clearly find that reckless behavior enamoring. I, for one, swoon when a guy is a gentleman. When he treats everyone with respect, without being a doormat. Breaking up with a gf, with an audience, is NOT being a gentleman. At least give the ex the respect and the privacy she deserves.
Kind of spells disaster to me. I agree with your logical approach, and your reluctance to associate with females is understandable if the ones you hang around act like this. She sounds like a bird.
As much as susan "tried convincing" alex not to go through it, the dumb bitch actaully wanted it to happen.
Your friend Susan sounds like an utter cuntbag which should make her compatible with dickwad Alex. As an honest friend, please pass the message along to her.
basically if a girl likes you, like has a crush on you or wants you in bed, pretty much everything you do for her makes her swoon.
If a girl does not like you, or has friendzoned you, nothing you do will make her swoon.
Maybe his ex is a bitch and he wanted to be rid of her anyway? Sheesh, people are so quick to judge.
Anyway... never having been in that situation, and it no-... wait... actually, I'd have been thrilled as shit if he'd dumped her for me. Although we'd known each other for years....
Some people feel an intense connection and quickly think, "this could be it!" I had a crush on my husband from, I don't know... day one?
So...
Recklessness = not good, but
Me first = very good.
@testyman666@xanga - Very true.