This is a true story about me and my ex boyfriend. We dated for nearly 4 ½ years before moving from the west coast to NYC together. We loved the city, loved each other, and loved taking pictures of both. One day, we took a ride on the East River Ferry and snapped awesome black and white film photographs of Manhattan with our Pentax manual cameras.
As we walked back to our apartment I said, "I’d hate to be the girl who dates you after me. How could she compete with the person you lived in NYC with?" Then I added, "It’s okay though, because your ex will be me! I mean, we won’t be breaking up." I freaking kid you not,
we broke up the very next day. It was traumatizing and dramatic and life changing. It was painful and it was incredibly awkward. For many reasons that I can’t get into, we had to give up on our respective NYC dreams and move back home to Oregon.
As I unpacked my bags I found two rolls of undeveloped film and remembered that my ex had three rolls as well.
So, we’ve got all of these crazy romantic and memorable photographs of each other and of NYC, but I don’t know what to do with them! We also paid for a print that his photographer friend took of us. When we decided to split, I paid for the print and promised not to hide it in a closet.
But then he slept with someone before we had the,
“I am for sure going to move on (sexually) and don’t want you to feel bad about moving on too” talk, and I feel like I was cheated on. So now I see this beautiful photograph of the two of us taken just days before our break up and I am wondering,
What in the hell do I do with these photos now? And regarding the picture at the top of this post,
should I delete all the pictures of us on Facebook?
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Comments (80)
I personally would probably hide them in a closet or trash them.
4.5 years is a long time to be with someone and it's especially tough to break up that way so I feel your pain. Dunno how you feel about your situation but I've been down that road too often, when you truly care about someone and then they are gone it devastates me and always takes me a long time to recover if I even do. Jury is still out on that one...
I have a lot of exs so I have quite a few pictures. I keep them out of view but I can't bring myself to throw them away even though I really don't want the reminder of what's been lost so I just keep them in a drawer and don't look at them. I hope one day I can look back upon them and smile.
As far as FB goes, I don't mess with it but I would probably take them down since they aren't valid anymore and you never know who might come along and see them and think you aren't available.
Anyway, hope it all works out for you one way or the other. Just don't become bitter like me, haha.
I'd put them in a box, date the box, and choose a period of time after which I'm allowed to open it (in your case... at least a year). Then I'd probably try to ask a friend to hold onto it for me and work on getting over the breakup.
Reason being... I wouldn't want to get rid of the photos, because I think memories like that are often valuable when one can handle them, and regardless of the breakup, he was still a major part of your life and those memories might one day be wonderful. But keeping them around while working on getting over it is usually dangerous and makes it harder.
On Facebook... I'd delete any overly intimate ones (cuddling, kissing, whatever you have) but leave more formal and casual ones (dance pictures, hanging out with mutual friends, sitting beside each other). You can't delete them from your life, but I think the former pictures would make it significantly harder for me to move on.
The only ones I would take down are the ones on Facebook. The rest, I would keep. 4.5 years is a long time to share with another person. I wouldn't display them, but I also wouldn't hide them in my closet like they were a dark secret. If I had a photo album, I would put one or two of my favorite shots with both of in it inside the album. There is no way to erase him from your memory and it doesn't make sense to act like your 4.5 year relationship didn't exist.
keep them, when the pain ades and you get to the point in your life where you can safely walk down memory lane you will want to have them.
Put them in a box in your cupboard for a while. Don't throw them out. I threw lots of stuff out and now years down the track wish i had them to look back on. FB is hard. Everyone has pics of their exes on there. I deleted all of mine because he cheated on me and moved on straight away like one week later so I felt embarassed to have pics of us together then him and his new gf a week later. Just felt awkward to me. But that was just how I felt.
Don't throw them out. I gave my ex back the framed senior photo he gave me, but I have a 5x7 print that his mom took of us, just standing together, in a box of random sentimental stuff. It's been fun to look back on, 6 years later :)
I would trash and delete them. You're done with each other, why keep them? So you can be miserable while looking at them? NO.
People actually have “I am for sure going to move on (sexually) and don’t want you to feel bad about moving on too” talks? My ex husband and I never did. We didn't exactly discuss anything about moving on until recently and it's been 2 1/2 years and he is about to get remarried.
i mean...you know yourself better than we do. some people are able to keep those things and remove their emotions from those memories, and some are not. decide which one you are and make your move.
or you could go to katewest's website and get a spell cast on you!
This entry, out of all the break up entries I've read on datingish, was the most sad. I don't know why.
My formula for photos with exes-
1. Delete all FB profile photos with the ex in them
2. Keep those tagged by others, you don't want to be too brutal.
3. Delete all you uploaded (provided you have a digtal copy), if not, download them (easy to do).
4. Archive all digital photos on your computer, i.e. zip or rar them, stick a password on it, put it on an external hard drive never to be seen again.
5. Keep 1 physical photograph, store in wallet, box, wherever you keep old photos, burn the rest.
I say keep just 1 physical photo because if your next S.O. ever starts to wonder why they have never seen an image of your ex, you can show them you are human and care that you have a past without A) a box full of memorabilia shouting HEY I'M NOT OVER THIS PERSON, and B) the new S.O. thinking you easily obliterate people from your life.
I'm the type to keep everything, but sometimes disposing is necessary. Is it bad that I'm wondering what happened? How can you confidently make a remark like that and then things just erupt abruptly the next day?
I have things from all of my ex's. Photographs are tricky. It really has to be up to you. I like to keep mine. Those memories are worth looking back on one day, no matter how heartbreaking the split was. Good luck.
@Edeline_Wrigh@xanga - Oh no, I forgot to date my box! Oh well, haha.
I had a box with my ex that we would put stuff we gave to each other. I put everything in there and taped it shut and stored it away to where I can't see it. I plan to open it up when I'm old and looking back at old memories. As for pictures on my computer, I put them on a USB in a hidden folder within a few folders that I don't go to (like inception :P) and delete everything off my computer. I don't like to throw things out.
Listen baby, this is what you do:
-Talk to a friend, family member that youve neglected since yall have been dating and have a sob session. Watch your favorite movies eat your fave ice cream. Go through the pictures when your ready, just one last time.
-Burn all pictures, invite some friends have a couple drinks..and watch yalls pictures go up in flames, burn them down to the ground. Dont sob, your stronger than a sappy ex. Move on, there is always something better, and you can always do better.
-As far as facebook goes, pick your favorite picture from the beginning. When the friendship/talking stage was taking place. Keep that one, only one! & delete the rest.
-Treat yourself, do things that make you feel better about yourself. Shopping, nails, coffee, toking. Whatever it was you did for fun before him.
-Develop new friends, go on dates, have a crazy one night stand. Take a wild trip with some friends, your on the west coast! Go to the beach, vegas, get away from your troubles. Come back with a fresh start.
-If your not doing better, i suggest therapy to get things off your chest or a hobby.
Remember there is life after your ex, you have to choose to live it up..and be able to say your a better person than the d-bag that left you in a lonely east coast city.
Have fun while you can, in the meantime someone will come along that will treat you right. You will find them without looking.I promise! Good luck.
P.S. Love less, live more.
I wouldnt get rid of them...
I have 3 pictures of me and 2 of of my ex's.. Ask yourself these questions as you look through the photos.. How do you feel when you look at the photo? Can you see yourself moving past the hurt of the breakup and being able to see the photo as a good memory? (there is nothing wrong with keeping good memories of ex's and moving past the bad! Its a good thing).
You were together about 5yrs (yes?) thats a long time, and thats a lot of good memories from the sounds of it. Yes, breaking up suddenly like that is something you will need to work through, especially if you are not sure what really happened.. but don't destroy or delete the photos.. you might regret it one day. Download/print/make hard copies of every picture you have, and take them off of FB (you don't need constant reminder).. take the ones you had printed, including the professional ones, put them in a shoe box and put it in your closet.
If you have unresolved emotions (even anger) about the relationship/breakup, write him a letter (or a few) and put them in the box.. and put it in your closet where you wont have to see it. It really helped me when it came to working through things, then I put the letter with the photo in an envelope, sealed it, and put them in a box (the box is still at my parent's place in the attic)
In an ideal world he would give you his three rolls and say, "Keep these to remember me with", and you would give him your three rolls and say to him, "Keep these to remember me with". One last kind act to honor your 4 1/2 year relationship.
Looks like ya jinxed yourself there. U think he broke up with you because you said that?
I don't have any facebook photos of me and whoever there so I don't need to worry about that. I hate couples who always broadcast when they're fighting when they're back together and every single pic they've ever taken of each other onto facebook. One girl I used to have on my old facebook account even posted nude-looking like photos of her then bf and her in bed kissing. I was thinking, "Oh, please." As if all of her pictures of them doing whatever wasn't enough she had to post "sex" photos.
Needless to say, I found out she hooked up with my current fling but that was before I even did anything with him/started talking to him and I did NOT add her back to my new account. I already got annoyed with her page broadcasting her relationships, I'm surprised she didn't broadcast she had a fling with my fling since she broadcasts everything else about her relationships. Now they only post to each other on birthdays, they are such "good" friends, lol, not.
I do however still have photos of me my fling, and his sister on my phone. I think I'll keep those. He's also been my fling for 4 1/2 years. We were also best friends, not just a fling so it's different. If he was your friend from before keep them. If you've only ever known him as a significant other, ditch the photos.
From experience, removing them from your possession is the first step to moving on. So, if you think it's time to move on, go ahead and let them go. Get rid of them to where you can't retrieve them. *hugs* Sorry for the hurt.
I would trash it.
I'd keep it, to remind yourself never to make the same mistakes you made before
I dated a guy for 4 1/2 years and thought we would be getting back together in the future until I found out that he cheated on me and was still dating the girl even though him and I were still going on vacations with me. I had the same dilemma as you. I deleted all the pictures from Facebook and put the ones of us in my room in a box and put them up in my closet. We had broken up previously and I had thrown everything away and ended up regretting it. I don't want to make any rash decisions so I put them somewhere that I just wouldn't see them.