My friend recently told me she was going on a "man-cation." I found this odd because I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually seen her with a man. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've always assumed a "man-cation" was a getaway from an actual man. Time by yourself, to reflect.
She explained that she had "friends" and she was tired of the "same ole, same ole." Once she started describing exactly what she was escaping and trying to avoid, I found it rather interesting. She said she was tired of being the one who had things together and knowing what she wanted out of life, while dealing with a guy who had no clear path or idea of how to make one. She was tired of waiting on potential.
I had to digest this information, because in my mind, everyone has some kind of promise. Whether they chose to embrace that and figure out where it may lead, was completely up to them. She explained that that was the exact issue. She'd be the sound board when things were rough and they felt they weren't getting enough chances, to take advantage.
But
she started noticing that the guys she was dealing with were looking for more of a handout than an opportunity. She couldn't see herself being on the verge of getting her college degree and being involved with someone who didn't even know if he wanted an education, let alone a career.
I had to laugh, because I'd been in her shoes, more times than I'd wanted or expected. Though I'd never gone on a "man-cation."
I'm curious, have you ever found yourself waiting for someone to realize their potential, but they showed no progression and you struggled with whether to stay or move on? Often feeling like their unwillingness to make something of themselves was becoming a reflection of you?Image Source
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Yes I have. I've offered to help, given leads, set up meetings/interviews. Basically handed exes opportunities on a silver platter.
Sometimes you want to help someone so badly but it ends up backfiring. You hinder your own growth by constantly worrying about someone else's. Even worse, when they're unresponsive (for whatever reason), it's frustrating. No one needs the emotional responsibility of carrying someone else's weight around. I think your friend had the right idea to get away. No one likes a deadbeat.
Their laziness is contagious, and by waiting around for someone else, you can't move forward. It's not a reflection of yourself, but rather them projecting their stagnant life onto you. Get away...
I've known people with the quarter life crisis. I've also known guys with mid life crisis. they had a career and all that, then still got depressed, because they were bored, and wanted more. the curiuos "wants" of what's on the other side never really ends, but that drives one to search and become more. it depends.
Is he supporting himself? Is he intellectually stimulating to be around? If the answer to both is yes, I'm not worried. Some people are career-driven, but some aren't...in today's world, it's harder to find one's way without the HS-college-(grad school)-job conveyor belt that everyone gets mentally pummeled with. I know lots of people who have done the conveyor belt...but also quite a few who dropped off of it at some point and are doing just fine. Some of them went through years of low-wage service jobs and self-doubt, but eventually found something to be inspired by, or developed an interest/hobby into a marketable skill.
It's a different story if someone is just lazy and doesn't want to do anything ("plays video games all day"). But if you see potential, it's probably there. A year or two is probably not unreasonable for someone to find their drive and life's passion in their 20s. If he's 35 and still working for $8/hr, that's a different story...
i wish i could say this without sounding super arrogant, but i can't: i'm way ahead of the average 25 yo and i expect the same of any girl i'm ever going to take seriously. i do not qualify you as ambitious just because you're finishing your college degree (unless you're really exceptional). education is really important to me--i couldn't imagine marrying a girl who didn't at least have a master's degree, and in fact, in the last 2 years i don't think i've hooked up with any girl who wasn't at least in college (and in the last year, i have not hooked up with anyone who hadn't graduated).
there have only ever been 3 girls i've taken seriously. one got her ms from lse and had spent the last 2 years doing economic development in 3rd world countries; one got her ms from the #1 program in her discipline (which was a non-bullshit discipline) and did research for the government; and one was a phd student at stanford and graduated valedictorian of her undergrad class (at *very* well-respected school).
long story short, i don't fuck around with this kind of thing.
The way I interpret this post is that it's about maturity. Whether it's physical maturity(physique), mental maturity(intelligence), or emotional maturity(Self Awareness). To the OP: Am I right?
@Gaia - Yes you're right. Knowing that life is about progression. If you have someone in your life that is stuck at a standstill and doesn't carry the basics of that maturity to take your helping hand, or figure it out on their own, are you willing to let them go and let them find their own way? It's about the mental, and emotional than anything else. So, yes.
Nah. I do not compromise on three things: emotional maturity, self awareness, and academic ambitions. They're more like pre-requisites like having hair on your head or knowing to to walk. Potential is a concept used for little kids, not adults. I think by the time you reach 18 years old, graduated high school (hopefully) you should pretty much know yourself through and through (self awareness), have a good idea of what you'd want to do with your life or at the very least know how to get the resources that help you achieve your goal (emotional maturity). After all, wasn't that what high school was for? Knew this dude who was great, fun and amazing in every area but he was
completely lost as to how to achieve his (too idealistic) dreams. I gave
up the pursuit pretty fast as to me that sounded like he was still
emotionally immature.
As for academic ambitions I'd have to agree with thenotoriousgod. It's hard for me to take someone seriously who don't have a rigorous and/or prestigious academic background along with high ambitions for the future.
I think maturity has a lot to do with it. As long as my partner is doing something productive and is happy, I don't mind. My current partner is in college and looking for a part-time job to help with rent, and that's fine by me. But I won't date someone who isn't working (or actively looking) or studying, because it always results in me paying for everything, and them bumming along for the ride.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - your master's degree or anything else that you deem appealing about yourself is canceled out because you knowingly slept with females, who were in relationships. learn how to respect yourself first. you preach about how you're honest, but you proudly participate in deception while denying that you do it by writing it off as harmless. some peoples' degrees mean jackshit if they have an ugly character. you're ugly inside and out. your arrogant front isn't fooling anyone.
There's an archaic saying, "Look at the man then look at the woman he's with, it'll tell you what sort of man he'll become." Or "the woman makes the man."
I think this can go both ways. Is this person capable of bringing out the best in me? Am I capable of bringing the best out in them in return? There comes a certain point when you realize if they aren't going to help themselves why would they let you help them. You can only tell a person "you're so talented" so many times before you understand they are never going to believe it.
I don't care if they have a PHD or not, it's if they are passionate towards what they are aiming towards and if they believe in themselves enough to chase after it.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - since it's not been obvious to you already (by virtue of the fact that i don't respond to your comments), i will make it clear now--i have better things to do than mindlessly argue with people who have nothing intelligent to say, particularly if that person is only capable of making personal attacks.
as for having an education, in 10 years when you are let go at work to be replaced by a younger girl who doesn't have stretch marks, you will understand why your value to society decayed over time, while mine increased. going to grad school is the best choice i ever made for myself.
i have nothing more to say to you, so take care.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - don't shamelessly brag about your personal info regarding deception if you don't want to be called out on it when the time comes that your words contradict themselves. as for maintaining my job, your presumption that females will be invaluable when they're old/ugly while educated skanks are worth more is not true. you should understand that in the corporate world, it is also about having a good network of connections, so I have plenty of references and connections to stay in the business, because my job is based on personality. they might fire or lay off those degree holding folks, who expect and demand a high pay than the others. I thought that someone, who boasted about a great social life would know about this, but your socializing is mostly about slutting around, not how to mingle with the business people
I had this problem with my ex. He was brilliant, and he had so much potential, but he just didn't give a rats ass about anything except for our relationship. He had no idea what to do with his life, and he relied on me to tell him what he should do. It got exhausting trying to plan two people's lives, especially when he never actually tried at anything.
In retrospect, this is probably one of the reason I fell so fast for my fiancé. He is a father, and was going to business school when I met him, while already running his own business. His drive and determination to succeed, as well as the clear direction to his life, was something I had desperately needed in a relationship.Potential is unpredictable, though. There are some guys who need nothing else but to know that they are worth their aspirations. In this day and age, most people, both guys and girls, have never been told that they are worth anything.
Haven't really had this problem but I do refuse to date someone who doesn't at least have a long term plan in terms of jobs, school, and such. I'm not saying he has to have a degree but he better be progressing and have a purpose in his life. I'd rather be single than babysit.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Hey, why bring stretch marks into this? Even guys can have stretch marks!
maybe over time my mind would change about this. i don't really care if he doesn't have a career or a degree. but he does have to have a job that is NOT $8/hr. and values something like security. i think having a career is great but then there are people who are in love with their jobs.
what if it's the other way around? the guy is stable, and the girl is having problems getting a job, getting out of her parents' place, getting an education, etc.
I know it's uncommon, but it does happen.
I understand completely. However, I've been more disappointed with emotional and intellectual potential than career/salary potential. Life is hard. It's understandable that not everyone floats through college and lands a perfect job in the perfect industry and makes a down payment on a house. I just want to see someone with motivation and emotional intelligence. I'd prefer to meet this person after I graduate and get a teaching job, though...I've been in long-term relationships since I was 12 and I need a SERIOUS mancation. For like, a couple of years.