Wednesday, 29 August 2012
-
All the World’s a Stage! Until You’ve Been Dating For a Year
Here’s the problem. Guys and Girls, you and I, we meet someone, and we put on a show. The show is called, “This is what it’s like to date the perfect me.” The show is usually so convincing, we fall for it. We forget it’s a show. We believe the Academy Award winning performance and we fall smitten! This is it! True Love! At last it’s here!Eventually, this all changes. We become “comfortable.” We forget the act. We become Ourselves again. The Prince turns into The Beast. William Wallace turns into... well, Mel Gibson! And suddenly, we’re shocked! “I never signed up for this!” we cry out!
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is not new. And since we can’t stop the “act,” we need to stop “falling for it.”
Truth be told, no one is perfect. Human beings are animals that act on emotion, sometimes irrationally, and make mistakes. We’ve also been blessed with the ability to forgive, to learn from behaviors, and to adapt. The best relationships are the ones where you make a mistake, you own up to it, you (as a couple) discuss how you can be sure not to make those mistakes again, and you grow from it together.
Stop being shocked when the guy or girl you fall for has a side that is less than perfect. Sometimes those imperfections are sexier than the latest issue of GQ or Maxim.Lastly, beware of the “First Act” that’s already making you give “Two Thumbs up!” – From personal experience, the CRAZIEST girls I’ve ever dated, started the relationship with phrases like, “I’m the type who NEVER gets jealous!" Guys, girls... if you hear that one, don’t wait for the ending, don’t ask for a refund-RUN!
Thoughts?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: realwomentell
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 4 Views: 0 18686 Comments: 0 86 View all posts by realwomentell
Comments (15)
Solution: Stop pretending in the first place. WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT
@QuantumStorm@xanga and OP: I do agree that in the beginning, there is a certain period of time where BOTH parties are on their "best behavior"; in the "getting to know you" stage, you are more polite. You are more hesitant to make waves in the relationship, because you are still getting to know the other person. But I have to disagree and say that it's NOT pretending. I know in my relationships, I was not as comfortable with the other person, and so I tended to be more quiet, more hesitant to say how I really felt. But as I became more comfortable, it was easier to sort of "be myself". I wouldn't say that I was intentionally pretending though. In my opinion, it's all about comfort, and as you get more comfortable with someone, be it a friend or a significant other, you start to show the not so good sides as well as the good sides.
this entry was kind of all over the place, so i'm going to focus on your last point of dating crazy girls--are you lesbian (or bi)? because your last few entries were about dating dudes. (not that i care, i just want to make sure i'm not crazy, as well as know what to expect in the future.)
@PassionFruit06@xanga - that was pretty insightful. i think you're right. just like i'd act a certain way around my parents, and a different certain way around my manager, i act a different certain way with girls (when i first meet them). although, that certain way for me is still pretty damn close to the "real" me. sometimes i even start spilling my crude and offensive humor on the first date.
This makes me glad I haven't been a part of datingish for a year yet. That way everyone can still blindly assume I'm a prince!
the truth will out itself. In my experience it never took anything near as long as a year...it's a case of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"
Like they say in the newpapers..."he was a quiet man, always kept to himself..." bwah ha hah ah
@PassionFruit06@xanga - I agree with you completely!
I also don't think there is a certain length of time when you can say you start getting comfortable with someone and you fully act like yourself. Maybe for some it's a year, for the most part I felt pretty comfortable with my fiance from the beginning. But there are also things that happen in a relationship that change how you are together. For example, three months into my relationship with my fiance, his little brother died. Of course his "best self' wasn't being shown. He was a nervous wreck. I just don't think making a generalization about how all relationships are or when it is that people become comfortable with each other is fair.
the funniest guys that I've known were usually the quiet/shy ones. they don't tell jokes on purpose or try hard to impress. sometimes they just blurt something out unexpectedly and they are so funny. there's a few people at work, who are the class clowns, and sometimes they say stuff, then wonder why I'm not laughing. then they say something like...you know that's a joke right?!? if they have to ask me why I'm not laughing at their joke, then their joke isn't funny as they thought. I don't laugh along just because everyone else is laughing or else they'd seem weird for being the odd one out for not laughing, but I don't care if I'm the odd one out. I won't laugh if I don't genuinely find it funny. in fact, when I find something funny, it is an automatic reaction where I'll burst out laughing, instead of forcing a fake laugh like some other people do just so it won't be awkward. there are a few people at work, who don't talk much, but when they do, omg, they crack me up. some annoying old guy at work intentionally tells me jokes to try to make me laugh, because he flirts with the other younger females, too. then I don't laugh, but ignore him, yet he still continues to try. then the other female coworker saw that he was bugging me, so she shamed him by yelling out loud for him to leave me alone. he doesn't bother me anymore
anyway, I get jealous and I can't seem to hide it. I directly told my guy that I didn't like it when he was talking to those people, not just girls, but guys, because I'm possessive, and he didn't think I was crazy, but he liked how I was protective of him. that's when he told me that he felt important. so he doesn't think I'm clingy/needy like some others guys in my past did. he understood where I was coming from and he respected the boundaries. that's why I'm compatible with him and not the others. each situation is different though. I think some people have mood swings. it doesn't really excuse them being a jerk but yeah, it depends.
Be yourself from the beginning! Why do people insist on putting on these fake personas? Most of them are obviously fake anyway, but they're going to fall away eventually - so why waste time? I don't hide who I am - my boyfriend knows about my depression and anxiety, he knows what I've been through - because then when a problem comes up, I can just talk to him about it and he'll know roughly how to handle it. The worst thing is when you've been with someone a while and they just spring something on you that's totally out of the blue and goes against everything else you already know.
Okay, so just be normal. I don't understand how people do this. How can you be anyone other than yourself? Perhaps it's not an act, perhaps they have legitimately changed.
I dont believe in putting on an act to impress someone. I dont care if its a boss, friend, boyfriend or whatever (though I will add that I do tone down certain things, like my mile wide sarcastic streak, when meeting and getting to know people).. I am who I am and if thats not who you are looking for move along. Its too much work to be fake all the time. I'd rather someone accept me for who I am.
I neverrr pretended with my current boyfriend. We were straight up with each other from the start. He knew all my little weird quirks and imperfections and the scars I bore. Within weeks of committed dating I explained a good portion of my past with self harm and other less-than-perfect topics.
He was such a great friend and SO that I trusted him with it, and I didn't want to cheat him. And he accepted me anyway. Now here we are two years later and everything is great :) we are perfectly comfortable with our unperfect selves.
When I started dating my boyfriend I was determined to completely be myself. He was the same way! I'm not saying that we haven't had surprises. You're obviously not going to learn everything about someone in one single night! But we never lied about who we were or put on an act to try to be what the other person wants.
I've never gotten to be myself, ever...in any of my past relationships. I was always too shy, too uncomfortable, and too afraid to be judged. I had a right to be, though, because all of the guys broke up with me because I was either "boring" or "depressing". It hurt. A lot. Because I always felt like I could never ever be perfect for anyone and I'd never find my prince charming.
But I did. I get mad, I rant, I rave, I yell at him for stupid things, I say negative things about myself like, "I'm stupid.", "Just give up because I'm insane", and so many other things. I forget my self-worth. I feel like I'm ugly some days. I get upset with family life. I take things out on him. I'm a human, and just as the article says, a relationship needs to grow and people need to learn to forgive. No matter how much we fight or how many times I beg him to get rid of me because I don't feel like I'm good enough, my boyfriend AKA Prince Charming :) always knocks me back to myself again and lets me know that I'm perfect no matter what and accept me for who I am, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It's a good feeling to be accepted for your dorkiness, sensitivity, and craziness.
Ladies if you have the perfect one, don't ever take them for granted. There are so many liars and cheaters and just plain jerks that won't deal with flaws. Be grateful for the person who accepts you for you!
No one shows their worst side when they first meet someone.. Unless they are stupid.
Those who purposefully show me their worst side first... I never stick around.. I already know that I won't like it.
Married 34 years...no one's perfect but I've accepted his imperfections..some are quite endearing.
Christy
Or... just don't date anyone you haven't known for a year.