Monday, 27 August 2012
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I Never Look Back, Do You?
This post was submitted anonymously.
I have a couple of self rules that I follow when it comes to dating/hook-ups.1) Even though it may not be an official relationship, I still get with one guy a time frame as though it were a commitment - for safety and other reasons; as long as the guy protects himself while he is hooking up with me, I don't care much if he isn't only committed to me. That's just one of my personal preferences to be committed anyway even though I don't have to be.
2)If I happen to met a 2nd guy while talking to the 1st guy and we end up hooking up, I don't turn back to the first guy I did things with. The only way I'll give the 1st guy a second chance is if I haven't found someone else yet to move forward.
For example, I've been on/off with this one guy for years. I still gave him chances time and again because I haven't bothered to date others. Once a new guy has been in the picture, I stopped being intimate with the on/off guy.
Do you have a set of self rules to follow when dating? Do you for lack of better terms recycle your old flings/relationships after some time?
I have never gotten back with an old flame once a new flame came into the picture.
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Comments (25)
No, once we are through, we are through. I don't go back and forth.
I guess in a sense I don't look back, because I don't need to. I'm usually there for my friends, even if sex or talking is all they need.
Umm... first of all, ew.
Secondly, bad!
*bops you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper*
Self-rules are self-defeating.
You never look back because you can't handle seeing the damage left in your wake.
I've heard of people recycling their old flings just so their numbers don't go up, lmfao.
If it didn't work out the first time, it might not work out the second time.
i just take one guy at a time...i'm too busy to juggle multiple guys and i like to give them a chance first and if it doesn't work, then it's over but i don't go back for seconds. if it doesn't work the 1st time, it's going to work the 2nd or the 3rd time. i've learned that too.
I try to do my best to remember everyone in my past, while concentrating all of that experience on the one person in my present.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Generally, I agree with you. Obviously, the person who wrote this article, is more than a little on the promiscuous side, and the assumption that she can't handle the damage that she has caused, due to her promiscuous ways, is very likely 100% accurate.
However, that's not to say every "self-rule" is "self-defeating". I tend to think of the majority of them as certain morals, values and behavioral codices.
For example, my morals won't allow me to, say, drive under the influence of alcohol. Driving under the influence is something that is unsafe and unlawful, and is likely to get me in trouble, in one form or another, sooner or later. Since this particular moral is keeping me (and others) out of harms way, I don't define it as self-defeating.
Long story short, while I agree with you that the author of this article is very likely dancing around the issues, I wouldn't go so far as to lump all self-rules as defeating.
@Nubsauce345@xanga - When it comes to romantic love, all self-rules are self-defeating.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Again, I wouldn't go that far.
What about having a moral that prompts you to end a relationship that is making you unhappy/going nowhere, instead of engaging in infidelity (as many tend to do in similar situations)?
Cheating is betrayal, and ending a relationship that isn't going anywhere for you before you pursue other interests is keeping the moral high-ground and your dignity in tact. I don't think that's very self-defeating, rather, quite the opposite.
@Nubsauce345@xanga - Lol... wow. You must not know about me.
Yes. That is very self-defeating.
http://t3hz10n.xanga.com/767588940/nothing-to-win-nothing-to-lose/
That's nowhere close to keeping the moral high ground. It's just the most proper way to cheat. The same damage is done either way. You end up fucking someone else, the only difference is there's a higher chance your current partner will at least not disapprove if you break up with them first, but if they do, it is no better, and sometimes far worse than cheating.
Ending a relationship that is making you
unhappy/going nowhere instead of fixing the relationship is betrayal.
If you want a relationship without effort, you can masturbate. You don't use other people to make yourself happy.
@Nubsauce345@xanga - How is the OP promiscuous? She said she stays faithful even in an non official relationship and that she had been in an on/off relationship with a person for years but stopped doing things with the on/off guy once she met someone new.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I think it's very stupid that people go back to an old flame that didn't work out before just so their numbers don't go up. If they don't want their numbers going up then they might as well not have sex at all because people aren't going to stay with someone they supposedly have sex with.
I don't see anything promiscuous at all about someone who stays faithful even in a non-official relationship.
@Guest - I do. The exception proves the rule.
Promiscuity may have become the norm, but that still doesn't make not being promiscuous something to be praised or looked up to.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - @Nubsauce345@xanga - I don't. You know I actually got quite the opposite from this post. I commend people who don't juggle guys around even though they aren't taken, that means they take a person more seriously and want to stay committed to them even in a non-official relationship. It's more promiscuous when someone dates and sleeps with 3 guys in the same week. Nothing wrong at all concentrating on one guy even if the one guy is not a boyfriend.
@Guest - There is something very wrong when "not" juggling a guy around and taking a person "more" seriously is a good thing.
It's a very slippery slope humanity is falling down.
"It's more promiscuous when someone dates and sleeps with 3 guys in the same week."
Yeah... you just said it. It's more PROMISCUOUS.
If I only kill 2 people am I not that much of a murderer?
@Nubsauce345@xanga - Do you see what I'm saying now?
Believing you have the moral high ground for NOT cheating is like trying to win a trophy for being the thinnest kid in fat camp.
Morals are internal. If you have to make a rule, it's because you are prone to breaking it.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - @Nubsauce345@xanga - When you become older, you'll realize a lot of people don't look back because they know that if deep down it didn't work out the first time, it's not going to work out the second. They aren't going to waste their time trying on something that's obviously over. In rare cases does it work out after so many times, just like from your POV that once a cheater always a cheater even though in rare cases that is not true at all. And really who are you to judge people for sleeping with so many people? So you'd rather have a person stay miserable with one person that try and find a person that satisfies them better in every way. "Good" advice, lol. If you have sex at all even once outside of marriage that's a sin. The only way you're not being promiscuous at all is if you wait until marriage, if you've had sex already even once, you're a hypocrite for getting on others who have more game than you.
@T3hZ10n@xanga -
And by the way, I'd quit making assumptions about people if I were
you. You'll look really dumb once they prove you wrong with a picture
that they're not fat at all.. However, I'm not going to show you my
picture because you'll become creepily obsessed with me like the
60-year-old that's incredibly obsessed with me. If anyone's miserable,
that would be you and your asinine comments.
You still have a lot of growing up to do with insulting people for
being "fat." Hopefully something life changing happens to you to make
you become nicer to people on the Internet, and in real life. No wonder
you can't get a long lasting relationship with your grade school
insults like that.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I'd rather date a "fat" person who treats me well, than be with a so called "good looking" arrogant asshole like you. And when you grow up, you'll come know that looks fade and personalities will be everything.
@Guest - I personally happen to know that you wouldn't. You're making far more "assumptions" than I am. You don't need bad experiences to "grow up".
You obviously cannot comprehend the subject matter because you don't want to/are in denial.
Looks don't fade, superficial bitch.
End of conversation.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - If you think I'm a "fat" person, that's okay because I think you're really young sounding, like still in high school and haven't experienced much, which is why you think the way you do. When you grow older and have more experiences, that will hopefully change your ways of naive thinking.
@Guest - Negative experiences result in callous behavior and you don't learn anything from them except how to be less hurt/more shallow (i.e. better at dealing with negative experiences and I don't plan on experiencing more of them in the future). I am far too intelligent to allow myself to incur negative experiences in the first place. I'll stick to the good ones.
Fatty fat fat.
@Guest - There is a war on the horizon between good and evil and you are arrogantly and ignorantly siding with evil. The goal of evil isn't to win because in the end it knows it cannot. The whole point is to take as many good people with it as it possible.
Do you really want to be with a "fat" person?
If you side with good, looks never fade.
If you side with evil, personalities do.
If I were just looking for something casual, I have no objections to "juggling guys". Then again, when I'm single, it's because I want to be single, so everything is casual, but I don't usually go back to old flings.
@Nubsauce345@xanga - don't bother arguing...i think the ridiculousness you see here will suffice to explain why. http://www.datingish.com/767451224/huge-trouble-hes-threatening-me-and-im-afraid/
Once you've made the decision to not go back, don't go back. It will only make things more complicated in your life, and you don't need that at all.