Last night, I watched an old episode of
Bones. In "The Cinderella in the Cardboard" (4:19), the main characters Brennan and Booth go to a wedding dress store to investigate a case. While there, they discover Daisy, their friend and psychologist Sweets' girlfriend, trying on a wedding dress and leaping into the arms of another man.
Brennan wants to tell Sweets immediately, and eventually does so, much to the chagrin of the rest of the team.
This episode intrigued me, especially because I supported Brennan. The rest of the team thought that Brennan stay out of it in consideration of Sweets' feelings. Brennan insisted on telling Sweets out of a desire to be honest.
SPOILER: As it turned out, Daisy wasn't cheating on Sweets. She tried on the wedding dress for her cousin, who wore the same size and was out of town during the store's annual sale. At the end of the episode, Brennan ends up at Booth's apartment, upset because she has ultimately caused the young couple pain for no reason.
I don't get why she was so upset. She did the right thing. It turned out that Daisy wasn't cheating, which is great, but what if she was?
If I were in Sweets' position, I would want my friend to tell me. In fact, I would be offended if my friend didn't.
If my friend saw my boyfriend doing something suspicious, I would want to know. How that affects our relationship and whether or not he was actually cheating is between my boyfriend and me. But my friend's duty as a friend is to look out for me, even when the truth might hurt.
So if I saw my friend's S/O cheating on her, I would tell her just the way I'd want to be told. I don't consider this heartless. I call it being a good friend.
What do you think? Would you tell your friend if you saw their S/O cheating on them? Would you want to know?
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Comments (39)
I don't rat on people. That is the rule.
Cheating is the exception.My boyfriend and I saw one of my friend's boyfriends all over a bunch of girls and hitting on them when we were out, so we decided to tell her about it. She just shrugged it off as, "Oh he's just joking around, he's always like that," and then deleted both of us from Facebook and refused to speak to us again because she got super offended that we thought he would do such a thing.
Then her sister told me that they broke up a month later because she found out the hard way that he was cheating on her.
@ask_ashleyyy@xanga - You did the right thing. If you value your friendship with the person being cheated on, then you tell them. If they want to be a horse, pulling a carriage with blinders on so they don't get frightened and can't see what's going on around them, that's their fault.
I would be 100% sure before I said anything. However, I would tell my friend if the person she was in a serious relationship was cheating. If they weren't serious about each other, there would be nothing to tell.
can we have a non-cheating topic now? how about a hot face vs hot body topic? cause i have some brilliant things to say about that.
@ask_ashleyyy@xanga - basically, a total repeat of jersey shore--i think it was season 3.
i'm only mildly ashamed to know that.
If I was sure my friend's significant other was cheating, I would tell my friend. No one deserves to be cheated on. I would tell my friend because they should know the truth. They should know what's going on with the one person that should be as loyal to them as they are. That's why I would tell. If my significant other was cheating on me, I'd want to know. I wouldn't break up with him right away, but I would get to the bottom of the situation and know that my friend was coming from a good place. If he was cheating, he could enjoy being single without me being some sort of weight around his ankle. I would happily let a cheater go.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - I tend to approach the offending person first, ask what they are doing(in a non accusatory tone), if they act shady/guilty then approach your friend, if they aren't doing anything wrong then they will be honest
A few months ago I would have stayed out of it, but after being cheated on I would definitely tell someone. Of course it also depends on the friend. I would not tell someone I barely know because I don't know the situation involving their relationship, but if it was a good friend I would absolutely tell them in a heartbeat. It sucks to find out you've been cheated on and it's a little bit humiliating to know that your friends might have saw it happen, but I would still want to know.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Hahaha yeah basically, but not nearly as dramatic and with a significantly smaller amount of tanning lotion and hair gel.
@aCe_KeiAnar@xanga - I'm not even that mad that she stopped talking to me, because she was kind of crazy to begin with. Guess that's why she apparently got back together with said cheating bf not long ago.
Definitely.
I did once when I was 18--young and dumb. Anyway, my friend was going out with 2 guys, whom both of were my friends. I felt what she was doing was wrong so I told both of them. They both ended up dumping her and she didn't want to be my friend anymore. We don't speak anymore (and that was 12 years ago), but I hear she's dating a winner. A winner who has been to jail, shuns his children from a previous relationship and makes her pay all the bills. I guess she didn't learn anything. Nowadays, I still would tell a friend, but only if I know for sure. No cheater is that slick to be able to pull it off for long.
@ask_ashleyyy@xanga - Sounds like she got what she deserved. Did she ever apologize to you and your boyfriend? If not, she should. This reminds me of the time where I had people harassing me something I was right all along about. They kept saying I was wrong, etc. etc. In the end, I was right since the beginning about something. Wish they apologized for being arrogant douche bags and harassed me for no reason but for being right.
@ask_ashleyyy@xanga - There was that post, but usually, once a cheater, always a cheater.
@babybug329@xanga - I always have my saying that if they kept it up long enough, they'll eventually get caught. It's just a matter of time.
@Guest - Nah, she never did. Oh well. I'm not the one losing sleep over it and I have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend.
I would ask the S/O first and urge them to tell my friend the truth. If they refused, I'd go to the friend. I've been cheated on and know the pain it causes. I'd never knowingly let a friend go thru it.
Hmm. I wouldn't say anything unless I was completely sure. And that would be like...kissing or more in my book.
Dude...I would want to be more then a 110% sure there was something suspicious going on, before I go tell a friend & cause issues between them & their lover.
There's more to that type of situation, then just seeing it & going to tell your friend & everyone is 'happy.' Sure, it's great that you're looking out for your friend, but if you misinterpret what you see, you cause more harm then good. Remember, the characters on Bones are fictional..just because Daisy & Sweets managed to be okay from that ordeal that Brennan unwittingly caused by being the 'good friend' doesn't mean that's always going to be the case. Once you accuse someone of cheating or being "weird" around someone else..that seed is planted. Whether your friend knows it consciously or not, it's there. You can't "take back" what you said to a friend & it can really cause some tension. What happens if that particular time, their lover wasn't cheating, you told your friend, they found out it wasn't what you thought & then later on..you catch their lover actually cheating? Who's going to believe you?
Be a 110% if not more, sure that what you see going on is actual cheating - before you open your mouth & destroy a relationship & possibly a friendship.
I'd dial that Cheaters show guy wearing the funny nerd glasses and black clothes to follow and document the evidence. I don't want to be part of the drama. the exception would be if the person was my best friend. otherwise, bleh-friends that I don't care enough about can find out themselves.
Truth before speculation. If you care about your friend, do a bit of digging, find out if what you think you saw was what was actually happening. That way you don't risk compromising your relationship with your friend. If anything manipulate the situation so that your friend can find out on their own, saves much hassle.
I dated a guy for almost a year and half before I EVER found out he was talking to another girl. All of my friends knew and some of them decided to keep it from me, others let things slip now and then--but never flat out told me he was cheating, emotionally on me. I still have a lot of resentment towards them, and tend to keep them at a distance, all and all though I would want someone to tell me the next time if my so was cheating on me. I would rather dump the loser than come to find out he loves someone else and ends up marrying the individual he cheats on me with...sorry the bitter taste is still there, even though it has been almost two years...though I AM SO THANKFUL MY RELATIONSHIP IS OVER WITH HIM, so thankful!
I would want to know. So I would say something. Better to say something ahead of time than later their hearts crushed and you knew or had a feeling the whole time. Pretty shitty. That, I couldn't forgive.
Yes, I would tell my friend if their bf/gf was cheating on them. Especially after getting cheated on before and all of my friends seeing and knowing but not telling me? That probably hurt more than actually getting cheated on did. Actually, one of my friends DID tell me, one of them who wasnt there who heard it from other people.... I am glad SOMEONE told me, but literally out of 10 people who were there no one tells me? :/
So yes, I would tell someone, even though it hurts... It's pretty than not telling. I actually did tell my friend that her boyfriend cheated on her. She did know already, but was glad I came to her and told her.
@aCe_KeiAnar@xanga - What the naked dude said.