In light of the Robsten scandal, I wrote an article titled, "How Would You React If Your S/O Cheated On You?" As I scrolled through the comments pages, I started thinking about the other side of the story.
When somebody cheats, the cheater is 'bad' and the person who was cheated on is 'good.' And with good reason. A cheater violates a promise of faithfulness between two people, an act that is morally unacceptable by our society's standards. So we vilify the cheater and empathize with the cuckolded. Especially in the case of a famous couple like the Twilight stars, the cheater is left to face the judgment of the masses as he/she stammers poor apologies and excuses.
We automatically assume that the cheater is entirely to blame in such a situation. And while I in no way condone cheating, I recognize that there''s a host of factors that can drive someone to cheat. These factors can't always easily be blamed on one person or another. That's a big gray area.
So my question to you is - have you ever cheated? Why?
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Comments (88)
Whatever drives someone to cheat does not make it acceptable. The end choice is still yours and still wrong no matter what the situation.
Yes. Neglect... wasn't getting enough attention, affection, and sexual loving. I should've just broke up with him but sometimes people make stupid weak decisions because they're not ready to let the person go. I wouldn't not cheat if I could do it over again however. I did what I did and learned from it. There are no take backs in life and you have to face your mistakes. I wouldn't do it again though. Not when I have a man I truly appreciate and that appreciates me.
No, I haven't cheated nor do I plan to. Some will say, "Never say never", but I make sure I take steps so that I never will.
@TheGuyYouD0ntKnow@xanga - Agreed. When someone cheats, why is the person being cheated on to blame? Cheaters will try to justify their actions. They should be held accountable.
Blaming your cheating on the actions or lack of action by the SO is a rather spineless thing to do. Cheating is not a way to rectify a less-than-optimal relationship situation. In the end, the only person responsible for the infidelity is yourself.
What's more disturbing is this mentality that people are "driven" to cheat as though to absolve cheaters of responsibility for their actions. It's rather revealing of that person's maturity if they cannot take full ownership of their actions and insist on blaming others for it.
Never have, never will.
nope
yes, too many times in my past when I didn't care about my own life. drugs, reckless behavior, and sex were just things I did and didn't give a shit. got help though, and now I am not like that anymore. happily and faithfully married for 3 years now
I never have.
I'm pretty dedicated, but my partner would have to watch the fact that I have no screen for reality. He's going to see a lot of paranoia-thoughts fluttering across the screen. Of course, the security agencies will use it against me, and they'll even come into my mind.
However, my partner did cheat on me. I assume it's because i'm not worth anything really, and I'm weird.
You know what's strange is that he accused me of cheating when he was cheating on me.
I don't really care because I have no censor, so anything goes with me most of the time.
Nah. I met a guy who I was attracted to while I was in a relationship, but I never acted on my feelings and just kind of let it pass. I never told my then-boyfriend, though, until we were breaking up and having those long, drawn-out arguments over everything ever.
@ShirleyD@xanga - "There are no take backs in life and you have to face your mistakes."
That's a rather narrow-sighted way of thinking, and I don't mean that in an insulting way.
They say 'you only live once', but the fact of the matter is that your life doesn't have a number on it, so what is "once"?
You only live once per minute? Once per hour?
"Facing" your mistakes sounds like a cop out if I ever heard one. You should make every attempt to correct them.
"Neglect... wasn't getting enough attention, affection, and sexual loving."
A word of advice: Use your hands. Not other people.
I wish I could say I haven't but I did cheat on the love of my life. It was a really complicated situation, he was fighting an addiction and pushing me away. I wanted to stay in the relationship because I loved him but he was behaving in a very hurtful way and because I was hurt and angry I went out and made-out with someone that was not him. It wasn't right but at the same time no one can judge me because they weren't in my situation. I can honestly say that I will never do it again though.
No. I have, however, had sex with a married woman knowing full well she was married. Not my brightest moment, I'll admit, I was just caught in the moment.
Alas, I do have fidelity issues, and that's why I don't do monogamous relationships. Better not to drag someone along knowing for a fact I will cheat. Sorry, but a single sexual partner is not enough to keep my overactive sex drive satisfied.
it's easy for everyone to judge when they've never been in the position. i don't anticipate ever accepting some proposition of monogamy, but even if i did, who knows what could happen. i couldn't see myself ever premeditating such a thing, though.
one of the million other times this topic has been posted, i said the same thing, and someone responded agreeing with me, saying that "nobody's a cheater until they've cheated". it might seem dumb at first glance, but he was right. judge the shit out of cheaters when you're 60 and never fucked up, not when you're 22 and have NO idea what circumstances may present themselves throughout the course of your life.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - you and me both, brother, hahaha. (the second part--i've never fucked a married woman, though i have been the "other man" with a handful of girls.) i don't think it's morally reprehensible to fuck some chick who's committed to another guy, though. if she's going to cheat, she's going to do it with some guy, so you may as well do her so a favor and make it you.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Never looked at it that way. You have a point.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - "it's easy for everyone to judge when they've never been in the position."
Cheating on a person is not a "position", it is a choice.
"judge the shit out of cheaters when you're 60 and never fucked up, not when you're 22 and have NO idea what circumstances may present themselves throughout the course of your life."
You could also get hit by a bus tomorrow and never make it to 60, jackass. I'll judge here and now, because age doesn't automatically mean experience, and having a life full of bad experiences doesn't automatically mean you learned anything from them.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - yeah, we can all only hope it'll happen to you, so we don't have to listen to your inanities anymore.
jackass.
Nope never cheated. Though people spread rumors about me being a cheat all the time. I've sorta been cheated on often though. My philosophy was always if you want to have sex or be with someone else when you're already in a relationship just break up and get with that other person. Why cheat, when you can just leave and be with the other person.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Listening is not a "position" it is a choice. You don't have to listen to me, but you're sure as hell going to hear me whether you like it or not.
Keep making excuses for your bullshit. I will keep calling you out on it.
Jackass.
@JusticeCho@xanga - Because that is the new and improved form of cheating. As long as there is a way to take advantage of others without having to admit fault, people will find it and exploit it relentlessly.
Yep, I have. When I was a sophomore in high school. I was dating a guy just to see what it was like experiencing my first boyfriend. The guy that I really liked finally noticed me and it was bad timing. He asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no even though I really did. I didn't like the guy I was dating, but I gave him a chance because he liked me and I thought I would come to like him back but I never really did. He turned out to be an asshole later in life so I wasn't sorry I cheated on him. Cheating is acceptable when the person is a complete douche bag. I'm glad I got out of that. It's also acceptable when someone threatens ur life if you try to leave them. There are justifications despite what some might say.
However, in adulthood, people should be old enough, and and make wiser decisions.
@Guest - "Cheating is acceptable when the person is a complete douche bag."
Cheating is never acceptable. If you cheat on someone you are a complete douche bag.
There is no justification. There are only excuses and rationalizations.
"He turned out to be an asshole later in life so I wasn't sorry I cheated on him."
If you didn't cheat on him, maybe he wouldn't have been an asshole later in life. I don't see how being cheated on could possibly be inspiration for a person to be a chipper, caring, outgoing, selfless, productive member of society.
Nope, but I've thought about it and I can understand why people do.
@LightBlue21@xanga - I love when you start arguing about random stuff that happened forever ago and that doesn't even matter just for sake of arguing about it because you're already arguing! lol
Yes I have, I did it mainly because I saw my relationship at the time failing, that and I knew he was up to no good at least half the time, I only stayed to get back at him and drive him crazy with his inability to get ahold of me. Our sex life had ended months before I found someone else. He was always putting me down once I started dressing like an adult and his jealousy flourished so I took advantage of it for as long as I could before I finally said I don't want a relationship anymore.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Whoever recs whatever you say is a dumb troll just like you, LOL. Do you ever read the insane things you write? I still can't stop laughing at you thinking that just because people go on a first date it's already assumed it's "official." No wonder no woman wants to date you. I'll feel sorry for whatever girl ends up with you.