This post was submitted anonymously.
On the tenth of August, this boy I met online on Yahoo! Answers and I started "dating." Seven thousand miles of ocean separate us, though, which neither of us is too happy about. Recently (as recent as you can get -- it's only been two weeks) he's started asking me questions about the future. When will we meet? Where are we heading? What can come out of this? and things like that.
Personally, I believe that if I want something badly enough I will try my best until it happens. I have no problem with waiting four years until I can see him for the first time, but apparently, he does. The distance is killing him (he's a very physical person, he says, but not sexually, since I'm saving myself) and he really wants me to be there with him. Marriage is what I see in the future. Call me imaginative, but it's what I want and what I think can happen.
He thinks it can't until we move in together, which he doesn't see happening.
I love him very, very much, and he says he loves me too, but I'm scared he'll break up with me because he can't handle the distance. Only one man before him has managed to make me like him (first crush; also long-distance, but we never went official) and he broke my heart this May. Now that I'm only beginning to properly heal and be happy, I'm terrified this is going to be torn from me, too.
Sorry if what I'm saying isn't making much sense; my mind is all jumbled up. Does anyone have any advice? Neither of us can afford to visit, but I /know/ we can, sometime in the future. I don't want to lose him. Please share your opinions.
Thank you.
Recommend
Comments (38)
sheesh, and i thought facebook was an addiction to technology. where do you people even come from?
on second thought actually, it makes sense that i'd never meet people like this--they never leave their computers.
Two weeks is not an unreasonable length of time. If he can't wait even that long, he's not good enough for you. Two weeks isn't even a long-distance relationship; it's more like being away for a conference. If he can't handle being away from you even for that long, something is wrong here.
Now, you mention maybe going for four years... now that sounds unreasonable. To be frank, if I'd had a relationship with someone for four years and we never had sex... I would not think of that person as a romantic partner at all. To me, four years without sex means "friend". (One year, maybe.People do that apparently.Honestly that would be hard for me. My preferred time dating before having sex is more like four to six weeks. For some people, it's literally a matter of minutes or hours.) If you've suggested something like that, this is probably what's freaking him out.
My recommendation would be to visit him in person as soon as you can, even if it's only for a few days. Honestly if you haven't had face-to-face contact, you really can't know what kind of romantic chemistry you have with him. Maybe you would be better off just being friends.
That my dear, is a losing situation. LDRs are hard enough when you have met the person and have to move away from them for some time.
When you have never met you are essentially forcing your mind and body to promise itself to something it really isn't 100% sure exists. Tangible proof of anything, especially something personal really needs first-hand contact, once you pass that hurdle you can push yourself to any extent.
My advice is to break-up. Move on to something withing grasp. It'll be best for both of you.
Also be warned, saving yourself and dating someone sexual is not a good mixture. It may just work, but chances are either you'll give in prematurely, or he'll leave you because it is stopping him from expressing his nature.
lolz
Debbie-Downer says: "Ya'll ain't gonna make it, honey."
You guys have only been together for what? 3 weeks? And you're already saying you wanna marry him? Smh slow your roll there girl
Cardboard cutouts of each other.
you met him less than a month ago and you already proclaim you love him?
He clearly does not know love if he can't wait for more than a month to see you. Sounds like you guys are just in the beginning infatuation states and are anxious to be around each other. But judging from what you wrote, it doesn't seem like it'd last if he's impatient.
How old are you two? You've only been "dating" him for two weeks and you're in love with him already? I'm sorry to burst your bubble, honey, but your relationship seems very unrealistic if you'll have to wait four long years until you two meet each other for the first time. I believe he has his head in the right direction. LDR aren't impossible but if you two aren't planning to meet each other anytime soon and he's a really physical type of person in a relationship, your relationship won't last.
this is a retarded situation...and i've never heard of people meeting through yahoo answers, interesting.
I'm curious about what specific questions you asked or answered on there to spark an interest in each other? why do you have to wait four years to meet? if he can't wait or doesn't think you're worth waiting for, then he isn't worth you waiting for him.
Oh please. You've never met him, you've known each other two weeks and you've already decided you love him and want to marry him? Here's some advice - step away from the computer, go outside and get back into reality.
OP should go watch Catfish.
I feel like you are moving incredibly fast! You've only known each other for a few weeks. I think it's much too soon to even talk about meeting the other/the future.
I'm going to say since you are early into it, just walk away. Keep in contact if you want, but do NOT live your life from this point on being in a relationship like this. I've seen some online friends try to "date" when they had no realistic plans to ever have a relationship beyond the internet, and they wasted up to a year, sometimes more, of their life.
Ok.. this whole situation is pretty dumb. First off, you cannot fall in love with someone & create a substantial relationship just from meeting online! You're better off marrying Cleverbot.. You could meet one day, 4 years from now, & you could find yourself having absolutely no chemistry (which you can't feel through a computer!), he could act completely different than he did online (which most people do), or worst case scenario, he could turn out to be someone who is NOT who you thought you were talking to. You don't have to be a thirteen-year-old to get tricked by some 50-year-old pretending to be someone else.
Second of all, you've been dating two, three weeks? You are NOT in love! I am so tired of hearing girls around my age & younger spewing bullshit about being so in love after a few weeks.. it's called the honeymoon phase, it makes you feel all those fuzzy feelings but that is not love. When they honeymoon phase is over & you're left with passion & deep feelings that you don't quite understand yet, that's love.
I think you need to stop looking for love online & instead get out there, meet lots of people, date, experience relationships that won't work & eventually replace them with ones that will. There is plenty of time to get married. Be young & have fun & don't chain yourself to something that has a 10% chance of working out. You'll just wake up one day & realize you've wasted your time.
Committing yourself to waiting four years is an awful long time to wait before you meet this person. Maybe you are both in college and are too broke to fly to one another's hometowns, but you really should meet long before the four year mark. Until then, have you considered Skype? It's not the same as a hug or a kiss, but seeing them live and in person can help alleviate the suffering.
You lost me "Yahoo answers."
@Awake_My_Soul420@xanga - Show me your source(s) or original (verifiable and quantifiable) research that suggests there is a 10% "chance" of her specific situation "working out".
First of all, when you say there is a "chance" you are implying that no amount of deliberate effort or desire to make a relationship work in any way effects the quality (or outcome) of a relationship. Enough said on that point.
Secondly, what is your definition of "working out"?
"experience relationships that won't work & eventually replace them with ones that will"
There is absolutely no justifiable excuse for entering into a relationship (or relationships) for the purpose of seeking experience.
You don't become more "experienced" in relationships by failing at them. On the contrary... you forget how to trust people, you learn how to undermine your own feelings. Worst of all, you slowly lose your ability to truly appreciate an individual for who they are, instead learning how to judge them based on what they are like.
No two people are the same.
What could you possibly learn from dating the wrong (or a 'bad') person for you?
How to behave when you finally meet the right one to increase your chances of success (i.e. not behave like you would naturally)?
Or would you learn how to treat the right (or a 'good') person differently (i.e. not like you would naturally) based entirely on how you treated the wrong individuals in all the previously failed relationships?
Or maybe you might learn some strategy along the way on how to keep him (or yourself) from making the same mistakes you (or he) did with the wrong people... oh, but that's right... if you (or he) would make those same mistakes without deliberate effort being put into preventing them YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE STAYED WITH THE WRONG INDIVIDUAL AND LEARNED HOW TO BE HAPPY WITH THEM.
You don't become a better driver by carelessly running into shit. You learn how to not get hurt as badly each time, and eventually how to walk away like nothing happened.
Love is not a game.
Have you ever chatted to him on webcam or over the phone? He might not even be real. Four years without even meeting sounds really suspicious to me, he might be a fake and trying to break it up before whoever that person is gets found out...
You guys won't meet until 4 years later?! I'm sorry, but I find that to be extremely ridiculous because within those 4 years, you two can find someone nearby that can be the ACTUAL love of your life. Staying in this virtual relationship will make both of you waste 4 years of your lives, when you guys could have been been outside in the real world EXPERIENCING life and falling in love in a natural way; not the technological way. There's more to life than a computer, if you didn't know...
hey just try different things like watching the same movies together or playing games at the same time. I have been a LDR for almost three years. We havent had the money or time to visit each other. U need to sit down with him and tell him the in and outs of wat u think yall can do to help him deal with it. I was the same way that ur boyfriend was but if he love u then yall will figure out a better way for yall to make it work. if u need more advice just inbox me cuz im always willing to help. I am proof that LDR can work with a lot of love and determination.
I think this guy is just trying to get into your pants. I got all kinds of those messages back when I was a teenager. Talk to a guy online, and suddenly he wants to be my boyfriend, and then he wants to see me on webcam, and then he wants to get married, and then he wants to see me naked on webcam, because the women back in his country are not as slutty as I am... and then it turns into a mess, where you stop responding to his constant emails, and then he wants you to send money to a Nigerian Prince, and before you know it, you're on the run from the NSA.
Your mother wouldn't even wait four years for you to meet her again LOL
Youre way too gullible for your age (assuming you're a young adult)
Four years is too long for this kind of relationship. I speak from experience in starting relationships long-distance. It's a special breed.