Lately, I've been getting antsy to get married.
I never thought I'd be one of "those girls" who just wants to tie the knot, but suddenly I've got wedding fever. It's something that caught on this summer.
My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties, so everyone around us is getting married. In fact, we just got back from yet another wedding this weekend! For some reason, at each wedding, the urge grows and I wonder what my own wedding will be like. I just want to be engaged and planning.
I feel like it's about time: my boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and have lived together for the past two years since we moved across the country from the east coast to Colorado. We own a car together and two dogs, and according to our renter's insurance, we are domestic partners. But it's not the same as being married, and I just want that.
I am in grad school and my boyfriend is finishing his degree, so we're pretty poor and we already talked about getting married once we graduate. So then even though we've got a plan, why am I suddenly feeling the urge to get married?
Is it only me or are there other people out there feeling the urge to get engaged?
How do you even know when it's the right time?Image Source
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Comments (24)
I have no idea when it is the right time to get engaged/married. I suspect it depends on the couple. Some people meet, court and get married quickly, some take a while and some couples don't want to get married at all--all these options are fine by me. When both parties in the couple want to, that is the right time, in my opinion.
I honestly think you are feeling the urge to get married bc everyone around you is getting married. There is nothing wrong about wanting to get married, but both parties have to be on the same page especially financially. If you two have already talked about getting married after you're done with school, wait it out and let him surprise you.
@jeezshoua@xanga - What she said.
And I'll just add that when I passed my 10 year high school reunion and saw how many people were married that really hit me hard. I'm probably one of the last ones not married(though it was a small class at about 55). Just be sure to get married because you and he want to, not because other people are putting pressure(intended or unintended) on you to.
You want it because you see it as a status symbol and you want the wedding. You said it yourself. "at each wedding, the urge grows and I wonder what my own wedding will be like. I just want to be engaged and planning. "
When is the right time to get engaged? When you're ready for marriage. Not because you want to plan the party for it.
Sorry.
I feel like people want to get married but don't have any idea what marriage is like. It is hard work. I can't judge your relationship, as I don't know :P but like the above commenter you need to be ready for marriage. As for the "urge" I think it's the fact everyone around you is getting married.
Its not you though I have a few friends who are going through the same thing an it's also the age that people usually get married. best of luckbeing married is freaking hard.. and you are never really "ready".. I think you might think you are ready because you already live together.. but getting married changes things.
When are you ready to get engaged? When you know in your heart of hearts without a doubt that you are ready. Its something you just know.
I don't think there is a "right time" to get married. Just as long as the relationship is stable and both people have enough money for bills/payments and for when stuff happens. It's true that going to weddings increases the temptations, but every situation is different for everyone. Becoming husband and wife is a big change in life so unless you and your boyfriend are ready financially and for sure both people want to be together forever, then I say go for it :)
Don't feel pressured to get married just because everyone around you is.....when the time is right it well happen.. You cannot force an issue. When the day comes, it will be the best day of my life because I want to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.
The right time is when you both decide you are absolutely 100% sure you have found the one person you want to spend the rest of your lives with. If there's any doubt at all, it's too soon. If that doubt grows instead of shrinks, you shouldn't do it. How long you've been together is no indication that you are truly right for each other.
When you don't have to ask internet strangers if it's the right time. Planning the wedding really sucks anyway.
It probably is just because the amount of weddings you've been to. I never really had an urge to have a wedding or get engaged until I went a wedding and everyone around me started getting engaged. I haven't even been in a serious relationship for almost a year and I had those urgings. They'll pass. You guys have a plan and it sounds like a decent one.
Sounds like you only want to be married because everyone you know is getting married.
Asking other people is not a good idea, because everyone's gonna say something different. You do what your heart tells you, and that's that. For me, I'm poor, and so is my boyfriend of almost 5 years, so... we're waiting a while. If you've got forever anyway, what's the rush?
xX Ame ~*~ Hana Xx
Personally I'd say it would be better to resist the urge, and wait till you can have the big day of your dreams :) The two of you are together and happy, wait for the right time instead of rushing into it because of external pressure. Good luck to you both :)
My boyfriend and I have also been dating for 3 years and are getting engaged soon. If it were up to me, we would have been and engaged and married after one year. But, he wanted to finish school first and have a job and be able to provide for a family, our family. And now he can. :)
i've had the same sort of thing happen recently, everyone around us has been getting married! We have talked about it but are working on saving up because we can't even afford to live together (well, i cant. student loans.. yay.) which is fair lol. but i understand wanting it just because everyone else is doing it. but i also have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and am quite certain he's the one i'd like to share my life with - even if as someone else said, probably never be "REALLY" ready. for me it feels about time to dive in anyway.
The right time to get married is when you feel like you'd like to BE married to the other person and that's what you're excited about... rather than getting excited about planning a wedding or all that. The wedding is one day. The planning is usually about a year. It will be over before you know it. But do you want the rest of it? Do you want HIM forever, or do you want a wedding? Lots of people confuse the two.
And screw finances. You don't need to drop a busload to get married.
I think the reason your getting the "urge" to get married is because of everyone around you getting married. A lot of people get like that weather it's getting married or having a baby. I been marred for about 41/2 years and I'm 25, I'm just now getting that baby urge because everyone is having them. But I fight the urge because I no we aren't ready for it. I'll give you my advice I give everyone about marriage: make sure you and your partner know each other from the inside out. Make sure that your communication is excellent and that you will be there for each other even when you are screaming that you hate each other. A lot of people just think getting married is all a fairy tale ending when you are in love with the person. But trust me it isn't. When you know you are ready to go through thick and think, than you are ready. Good luck :)
the right time to be engaged? before you are married. you're welcome.
You guys sound like you're ready for engagement and are ready to be married as soon and you're both stable.
I also am feeling the urge to get married, but not for the same reasons. I have no idea what I want my wedding to be like. I sort of know what I want my dress to be like. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 3 and a half years. He is graduated from college, whereas I still have 2 years left. We both live with our parents; our houses are 1 mile apart. My college is 5 miles away. I really want to get married mostly because we are waiting to have sex until after we are married.... And I am tired of waiting! xD
I have told him this, and he says he doesn't want to be married until we have our own place (to be intimate). But he wont get an apartment until he gets a job... He's been out of school for 4 months with no job bites. Stupid economy... Personally I wouldn't care about needing our own place. There's his bedroom, my bedroom, his car, my car. There are 5 motels ONE MILE from our houses. Finding somewhere private wouldn't be a problem.
I hope you get what you want soon.
I believe engagement is meant for people who are serious about planning to spend their lives together-not just "wanting" to. It's about talking about the BIIIIIG stuff-where will you live, how you will afford that, where you will both be working, how many children you want to have and how you want to raise them, and many more big questions. The most important part of engagement is that you are fully committing and saying "not only do I WANT to spend my life with you but I am ready to actually start planning for it and start taking steps toward that". When you are ready for all that, get engaged. Engagements dont have to last a year or less-two of my closest friends have been engaged for close to 3 years and dont plan on actually marrying until 2015. Whatever works for you. Just don't do it cuz everyone else is doing it.
If you're surrounded by people getting married, I think that's the reason. We're highly suggestible creatures. We like to think we're unique snowflakes but if a dozen people around you are all doing something and look like they're having a great time, then dammit you want to get in on the action too. I've noticed among my own peer groups people tend to get married or engaged in close waves, or one or two weddings will cause a chain reaction of engagements. It's all social suggestion and peer influence. Same thing with girls getting pregnant around similar times too.
I feel pretty much the same as you except that I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years, we've lived together for most of that, maybe a year and a half apart, and I've known him since we were 7. I'm super anxious to get engaged and start planning the wedding but I'm interested in having a longer engagement. My boyfriend says he wants to wait so he can buy a nicer ring but I'm not fussy and I like simple jewellery anyways, I expect it will happen sooner rather than later.