I've started seeing this guy. He is 24 and I am 39. I have never done this before. As a matter of fact, I've only ever been with men about 2 years older than I. We live in the same building. He caught my attention the first time I saw him and even though I thought I had felt some chemistry, I thought it was probably wishful thinking. I never pursued him, because nothing could be more embarrassing than an older woman going after a young guy... there's something inherently desperate about that.
We kept running into each other in the stairwell or in front of our building, sometimes standing and talking for an hour! One thing led to another and now we are seeing each other regularly. I let him initiate all intimacy. We are keeping it secret, which is what we both want. We are both single and neither of us has stopped dating other people because of this.
I never thought I could be so relaxed in a non-committed relationship, but I'm having a great time. I would love some perspectives on this. How does such a young man feel being with a woman 15 years older? Sometimes I wonder what might happen if one of us really falls in love with the other. At the same time, a real relationship just seems so unfathomable, I can't imagine that happening - which doesn't mean I don't excited when I get a text from him!
Thoughts?
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Comments (29)
As long as you are not expecting anything more than sex, enjoy!
He's 24 so you may very well be his first real 'grown-up' relationship. I was 24 not too many years ago and I was so proud of myself for dating a girl who was just a year older. If the chemistry is like you say it is, then he's just as happy as you are to be together. The one thing I would caution you about is using the L word too soon. He's fresh out of college and hearing that from someone a bit older may throw him for a loop. Also, do you have children? Because if so, their reactions to him matter just as much as your reactions to him.
Oh, and secrets don't last long in a building like yours. Most of your neighbors proibably already know. Just saying.
15 years is nothing. And I have 1 problem with this post. It is not desperate to date younger guys. In fact what's funny for me is I've always preferred younger guys and have dated guys 1 to 3 years younger than me. Maybe it works for me because I actually look a bit younger than the younger guy I'm with. Although I have mostly preferred younger guys, the person I have been with for years is 1 year older than me. 15 years? I have a 60-year-old who's fucking obsessed with me and I'm a 26-year-old woman about to put a restraining order on his ass if he doesn't stop on his own. He's been stalking me for 8 months.
I prefer younger guys too, they keep me young... I also don't look my age. People say I look 19 or 20 and I am 26! So, Yay. But that's another reason I like younger guys. Nothing wrong with liking a younger and if you guys start having feelings for each other, go for it! You never know!
P.S. Older older older guys like the 60-year-olds, are far too clingy and talk about marriage and love way too fast. The moment this old sick fuck laid eyes on me he assumed we were in a relationship.
I prefer older men in their late 30's to early/mid 40's. younger guys just doesn't really appeal to me. appearance wise, I'm not that attracted to babyfaced guys. they are like barely growing flower buds when I want the powerful presence of a sturdy and already grown strong tree. of course everyone is different and matures at a different rate, so younger doesn't necessarily mean less mature or older more mature. I'm mostly saying that their looks aren't aged enough for me to be that sexually attracted to them, but that's just my preference. I don't feel turned on at all just thinking about being dominated by a babyfaced guy in bed-it is hilarious to me even!:D I like a strong presence that commands my attention. I'm not sure how to describe this look, but it just isn't a short guy with a babyface lol my boss has the powerful charisma that I'm highly drawn to, but he's mine, not mine mine, but my secret crush to swoon over.
if it works for you, then who cares what others think.
age should never be an issue as long as you are both of legal age. you enjoy each other and get along and that is what should matter
@Guest - please dont make generalizations. as one of those "older guys" i dont fit in with what you have to say.
You're both adults, so who cares!! Just be kind to each other. And Good luck!!
my bf isnt quite as young, hes 30, but ever since he was in his early 20s hes been into older women and still now, if he sees an attractive 23 year old and an attractive 40 yr old, he prefers the 40 year old. im younger than him. but if hes into you, hes into you, just go with it.
Dunno, don't expect too much but enjoy what you've got while you've got it. I think as long as you just enjoy each other and if it goes deeper then good, if not you were already planned for it to end that way anyway. No expectations. When I was 20 I was with a 30 year old for bout a year. It got complicated and while I liked her I always told her from the beginning it probably wouldn't last or work out in the end. Granted I was still a lot younger and a 24 year old should be finished or finishing college and beginning his professional career so he might be more wanting to settle down etc too.
what the fuck. why does this never fucking happen to me? i am all about older women these days--i've hooked up with a fair number of 30-somethings in the last 6ish months (all in early 30s), but it takes significantly more effort. a lot of them are intimidated (is that the right word?) by younger guys, at least those who are significantly younger, like me. right now i can't even dream about hooking up with a 39 yo, though i accidentally made out with one at a club around my 24th birthday.
i think that's part of the appeal for me, though. everyone likes a challenge, right? and, at least i get good stories out of it...including this one 31 yo i met at a club, who upon seeing me confused about her excitement with a particular song, proceeded to ask "uh...how old are you?" haha. good times.
my friend hooked up with a 41 yo when we lived in california together. he was 21 at the time (and had a girlfriend lol), though i think he told her he was 26 or 27. in fact, the day he met her, they went back to her place and she blew him in the shower. when he got out, he found her 19 yo son hanging out in the living room. talk about fucking awkward.
OH, it actually gets better! i also had a 28 yo professor at that time. she apparently was banging him too.
you can't make this shit up. when i was in high school, i never imagined i would have stories like this.
A note from Dr. Zion (because Dr. Datingish sounds retarded),
Notice how I don't comment on anything when I don't know for certain what I am saying is true or don't have any experience to back it up?
It's called "think before you speak (or type)".
That is all.
I don't think it is desperate to DATE younger guys...it just sits wrong with me to CHASE younger guys. But then again, I'm a little old-fashioned...I don't really chase guys period. @Guest -
You're adults. Go for it.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - It's called "think before you speak (or type)".
You should take your own advice because you hardly ever think before you type, LOL. And no, Dr. Datinigish suits you just fine.
@justobserve@xanga - Ah, I get what you're saying now, but if we all waited for the guy to do things nothing would ever get done. For me, I don't think 1 to 3 years younger is a huge deal, but if it's between the age gap like I'm 26 and I have a 60yo obsessed with me that's too much of an age gap. 15 years isn't too bad after I've had a 60yo chase after me. I used to think 10 to 15 was too old, but after that, it's a lot better than a 40+ year gap.
"nothing could be more embarrassing than an older woman going after a young guy... there's something inherently desperate about that"
LMFAO! Sorry, I couldn't read any further than that, you lost all credibility there.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - your comments always put me in a good mood!!! But this one was great! ROFL
I always had a thing for guys who were much older than me (like 9 or 10 years older), and I have experienced intimacy with them, but I knew actually dating them wouldn't work because we grew up in different times -- like, what would we have in common? Now, I'm dating a man who is 4 years older than me. That I can work with
If you're having a good time, then who cares what we think. I wish you the best!
@Guest - You didn't put my quote in quotes, buttmonkey.
http://youtu.be/PCf_t9aRgXc?t=2m47s
Flip the genders and it's considered "creepy" or he's just an insecure, predatorial, domineering sociopath that can't grow up. Just sayin'.
hmmm...i haven't dated a much younger guy before...youngest i've dated is a guy who was 3 days younger than me. i guess i like my men to be my age or older. i just prefer it that way.
I'm in the exact opposite situation - I am 25 and my lover is about to turn 32. I find nothing wrong with the age difference. Sometimes, I can hardly even tell! We just mesh so perfectly.