It's one thing to be in a loving relationship where you feel content and simply blessed to be loved. It's another thing when you're surrounded by all that love from you're significant other, but can't enjoy it because those closest to him/her, don't necessarily approve of your relationship.
How do you stay above cloud nine, when below, there's a family waiting for your relationship to crumble?
I'm sure it's hard when you've invested so much time and energy into building a foundation of commitment, but all around you there lies negativity. The constant comments questioning your agenda. The ignorant opinions on your background, because it doesn't quite fit into their own. It's a dark cloud that hangs high, but close enough to explode on what you thought was perfection.
How do you separate the love for your partner, when his/her family holds so much animosity towards you?
Reassurance from your partner, that their family's views don't sway their own, is immense. But you always have that question of why it's there to begin with. When there's no explanation and no honest reason, can one really move on in a committed relationship, when the most important factor is in disagreement?
How do you move forward with the one you love, when the people responsible for bringing them into your world, don't approve?
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Comments (12)
Thankfully that wasn't an issue with my husband. His parents were also very happy with me and I love them dearly. Even our parents get along with each other, so that is a plus also. :)
it's a big issue for my family since they are jewish and my boyfriend is not. although it can be difficult sometimes because they do try hard to break us up, i get over it by reminding myself that it is my life and not theirs. i am not going to allow my family to tell me how to live my life.
should we always be so quick to blame the parents for the problem? we see so many posts that blame everyone and everything else for the op's problems in life (not necessarily referring to you here, regina), but it seems like no one's willing to make sure that the problem isn't them first.
p.s. i'm still waiting for that miss right vs miss right now post.
I'm an independent adult, so I'm responsible for my own life and my own choices. if he/she still lives under their parents' roof and rules, then their parents might have more of a say in their relationship. my mother can have her opinion, but it is ultimately my decision to make about my relationship with my s.o. parents should respect their kid(s)' choices, although I can see why some might want to intervene if his/her relationship seems toxic with a verbally/phyiscally abusive s.o., addict of some kind, etc, that might worry their parents. otherwise, if he/she is happy, let them be. my mother isn't religious and is mostly liberal, so I haven't had conflicts. if anything, she acts like a naive kid and I have to watch out for her.
Wow this is all too familiar to me. My husband's family does not approve of or accept me. They see me as the sarcastic, too-bold-for-them-to-handle Canadian who stole away their precious prince.
He moved from Florida to Canada to be with me, and we have decided that this is the best place for us to be. We have also made several decisions family-wise that they do not approve of. (they do not understand why we became foster/adoptive parents when they think we should have tried everything to have our own first).
How do we deal with it? We realize that they are never going to change and accept me (its been 8yrs now) and we have come to terms with that. My family here is amazing. They have welcomed my hubby and all of the kids we have had with open arms. His parents and sister are missing out on so much, but that was their choice. We love eachother, we have a wonderful support system here.. and if they ever decide they want to be in our lives we will welcome them. There comes a point where you just have to cut your losses and move on with your life.
I know from past experience that this is very hard and in the moment it seems very frustrating when one person's parents don't support the relationship. However, my parents have always been completely right about guys and I've come to value their opinion, positive or negative. My last serious relationship, they hated the guy (thought he was too controlling and thought that he was better than we were). They didn't know it, but he was abusive and VERY controlling. Sometimes (only sometimes) parents really do know what's best.
Whoa boy howdy... been there, done that. I could probably write a short book about it. In my case, it wound up being easy after a few years because he disowned them and then we moved out of the area.
On to advice, here... It may help to figure out what, exactly, it is that they don't like about you, and go from there. Your significant other should probably have that talk with them. If it's a reasonable concern, something you can work on, etc., you may be able to come to a point where you can see eye to eye. Perhaps just time, and treating their child well, will lessen or even eliminate their dislike of you, if they can come to see you as a good person. I am, of course, working under the assumption that you aren't getting their child into drugs and cutting school or robbing banks or anything like that.
I think even if his or her parents aren't in love with you, (if there are no family issues other then the fact they don't approve) you still have to respect your SO's parents. At the end of the day their family and you can't compete or try to make him or her choose. I guess just try your best to be polite and not give them a reason to dislike you.
Just gotta brush the dirt off your shoulders hun. If necessary, lay down the line that they will either get over it and actually be happy for you, pretend to be happy for you, or stfu altogether. The only happiness you really should ever focus on is your own because if you're not happy, no one around you will be, either. And when it comes down to it, you can't change how they feel about things. You can only change how you feel about things.
Believe me, I know it's hard, I'm here too. But life is too short to let people suck the happiness out of you. Don't let them.
Yeah, it's quite difficult. Hate it when other people ruin something that's so beautiful and blossoming. The only way to stay above cloud 9 is to ignore everyone else.
I can have some fun with this.
If they don't like you, find out why. Don't take the run around from them, get detailed answers from them as to why they don't like you and the logic behind it. Explain your line of thinking in the same manner.
When they don't understand then tell them to fuck off. Can't stop you anyway. No competition, no making anyone choose. If the SO is supportive of the parents and not you, the SO can fuck off too.
And no, no one has to respect anyone's parents. Respect is earned, not given out like free candy.