Thursday, 16 August 2012
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Romance in High School
First of all, I want to thank everyone who gave me advice on my previous post. I've cut off all communication with him, but I'm a bit apprehensive about the upcoming school year, seeing as we are going to be in the same class. The class I'm going to be sharing with him is Advanced Drama, so there's a lot of interaction to be expected. Here's to hoping that there won't be too much drama in Drama!
In my former post, I noticed that most people advised me to concentrate on studying and school. That there are plenty of chances in college and such. I agree that school should be my top priority and I work hard to maintain a high GPA, along with several extracurricular activities, so thanks for the concern, but I'm good.What I don't agree with is that I should only concentrate on my studies and wait until college to date. I find it unreasonable to expect someone to restrain from having a romance in high school. I believe that it gives you experience and prepares you if even a bit for life after high school. Personally, I wouldn't want to be manipulated or preyed on by guys in college because I didn't have any dating experience.
Sure, if you have a decent serving of common sense then you wouldn't be a terribly easy target, but there are some things that you can only learn through experiencing it yourself. There's only so much you can learn by observing your friends' relationships and romance books. That's why although I fully intend on being a straight A student, I'm looking forward to possible romances this school year.
Did you have many relationships in high school or did you wait until college? Did those high school relationships help you in any way in your future relationships?
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About the Author
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- From: SparksFly
- Name: SparksFly
- About Me: Hi <3 I'm a California girl with a Korean background. After spending six years in South Korea, American dating is bewildering for an 'innocent' high school girl like me. I want share my thoughts on my journey through the murky waters of American dating.
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Comments (24)
I had one boyfriend, whom I started dating my senior year. We dated for a year and a half. I really didn't do the whole dating in high school thing - partially because guys never relayed their feelings to me, and partially because I knew the likelihood I would end up with them in the long run was low. I have dated a couple guys since then, but nothing very serious. I'm graduating with my BS in the spring, and although my college career has been dismal in the ways of dating, I still have 7 more years of college ahead. I think that yes, you should focus on school, but high school should be fun! Be young while you can be.
Sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. People were merely suggesting focusing on school because sometimes a high school relationship turns into an obsession and academics get put aside. There's nothing wrong with dating, just make sure it's a guy that treats you like you deserve!
They are also not necessary to develop those things, either. You can accomplish the same goals of personal development with friendships and extracurricular activities.
From my personal experience, there is a strong correlation between my friends who started dating in high school and emotional/psychological problems they exhibited later in college because of a malformed sense of self-perception and social awareness that negatively impacted their approaches to relationships. In other words, they fucked up their relationships in high school which fucked up their approach to relationships as adults as they were still carrying that emotional baggage.
A lot of the time, the later they started, the better emotionally-equipped they were to handle the ups and downs of a relationship. Your brain is still developing at this stage, and many of the functions associated with foresight and pre-judgement are still not fully established. In other words, the younger you start, the more likely you can end up really mindfucking yourself and turning into "damaged goods" in future encounters.
You're definitely right in that one should not focus solely on academic growth - social and personal growth is important too. However it can be accomplished without the additional risks that a romantic relationship can pose to one's emotional health. Engaging in a lot of extracurricular activities and forming strong social bonds are some of the ways to do this.
(Not to mention, what many teenagers experience as "romance" is, 9 times out of 10, their genitals begging to jump out of their pants and nothing more)
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Well said.
You don't need a relationship to develop yourself. People aren't saying "don't date, no guys ever!", they're saying, don't make it a priority. Focus on your schoolwork, sport, seeing your friends and having fun. If you meet someone and fall for them, fantastic, but don't waste your high school years pining over a guy.
i wrote a hella long comment in response to your last article and think i covered everything i want to say. all i have to add now, is that despite what everyone thinks at your age (including me), college is not the real world. you are still in the playpen. and, despite what everyone thinks at your age, you will not be behind the curve if you go in with no dating experience.
you'll find that sex is a lot more enjoyable when you don't have to run around behind your parents' backs, too.
dating in high school is expected nowadays but a good time to date if you are going to date in highschool is junior or senior year because in my experience freshman and sophmores are to young to date or arent mature enough to have a healthy and meaningful relationship
I dated once late in high school, and I have been in several relationships in 4 years of college. For me, dating in high school was an extremely influential experience, mostly because I learned a lot about how to relate to people - I'm pretty socially awkward and have trouble making friends. However, I wasn't entirely mature enough to understand everything that I was going through until college, and it has only been my later relationships where I've been really able to understand myself and my partners well enough.
So... while dating in high school can be really good, it wasn't necessary for me, and I would say that most people don't really need to date too much then. So... don't sweat it too much, don't put too much emphasis or thought into it, and don't feel like you need to completely cut it out.
High school relationships to me helped me realize what kind of guy I didn't want in my life. Most of the time, they didn't last long and I learned a lot about myself as well as the people around me.I would like to believe that every time I went into a new relationship, I upgraded from the boy before.. I also threw myself into a lot of extra curricular activities, focused on schoolwork, and ended up feeling like my high school relationships were just along for the ride. My first serious relationship I would call it is one that I am still in since freshmen year in college. ThoughI do know of many friends who did not have a significant other in high school who got into their first relationship in college and they are going strong. It really depends on how much you want to dedicate in "playing the field" I guess you could call it, or to wait for a serious more "solid" relationship that you could experience in college. (Where I do believe people tend to be a little more reasonable and emotionally stable...usually...from what I've experienced at least :])
I dated in high school, and those boys were total flops! BUT, I definitely learned what I did and definitely DID NOT want in a relationship and future marriage. I don't want to say not to date in high school, but I'd rather say not to make boys the number one priority. I personally didn't date a whole lot of guys when I was in high school, because most of them only wanted sex. Those kinds of guys creep me the f*ck out personally.
well you can go on dates with guys while not being in a relationship..
I dated 2 guys while in highschool (I "went out" with 2 others but i would not call them relationships.. we just hung out together with friends..) Both guys were abusive dogs that i should NOT have been with.
Anyway, as for the drama in your drama class (ha ha).. Do what I did and use it to your advantage. Use any of the emotions you might still feel towards him in any situation where you have to act with him.
It really sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. A great GPA is an asset to a good college/university education.. and you don't need any guys messing that up.
So what I say is you know what you can handle. If you think you can handle a relationship and a strong GPA then go for it! BUT (and thats a HUGE but!) if you find the guy being more of a hindrance then a help, you might need to break it off. Use the common sense you were given (and when in doubt, listen to your mother =)
high school dating is not necessary.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Holy Jesus that was enlightening. That was actually really good advice.
I had a girlfriend in high school. We started dating in ninth grade and it was good for a while. We never had sex because she was pretty conservative, but I'll be honest and say that if she was willing, I would have been willing too. After dating for nine months, she told me she was still in "love" with her ex-boyfriend - a guy whom she has never met in real life, whom she has only dated through the internet, whom lives in California while we lived in Georgia. When she told me that, I pretty much walked out the door. That was my one serious relationship and I'm about to turn 23. In hindsight, I think I'm mature enough to claim that I really did love her, but the problem was that even she didn't understand her own emotions. I just feel apathetic when I date nowadays because showing an emotional connection is so hard because emotions learn how to form a callous to prevent injury. I can lead in everything from conversation to dinner to sex, but I need the women to lead the way emotionally.
All of my siblings, side from one, began dating their significant other's in high school and have been together 10+ years now. It doesn't work for everyone, but they're happy with their lives now and if they were against dating in high school they may not have had each other.
I had 2 boyfriends in highschool, the first was very bried and I ended that relationship because I had feelings for another guy(the second/also my current boyfriend of 4 years) Personally I think high school relationships are a waste just because theres so much unnecessary drama in high school that you dont experience after, hello youre in highschool, I'm sure youre aware of those girls that have no boundaries whatsoever. Me and my boyfriend fought when we were dating in highschool just because other people would interfere, and since we've graduated we've had 0 problems whatsoever :) Just saying, I would encourage my children to not get too serious about relationships when theyre in highschool, it's a time to meet friends.
I was literally in love with someone in high school. Just graduated in June. It's not like I would say you shouldn't date in high school, but in the same way that a teenager isn't usually emotionally and mentally developed enough to handle a baby, I don't think a teenager is usually emotionally and mentally developed enough for such a strong emotion. Not that you can really help it, though. I just wouldn't wish it on anyone to fall in love at sixteen.
I met my boyfriend 3 different times while I was in high school. We started dating my junior year/his senior year. And we've been together almost 5 years now. If you feel it, go for it. If it doesn't work, oh well. But you'll never have that "what if" nagging you 10 years from now if you're still single.
xX Ame ~*~ Hana Xx
@SexyKhoiFish@xanga - @T3hZ10n@xanga - Thanks!
I dated my now husband in high school. I love that we were high school sweethearts, but wish we wouldn't not focused so much on each other! It goes by quickly, enjoy it with your friends!!!
I had a boyfriend in high school and we lasted through my sophomore year of college. It was a rough relationship because the time between your junior year of high school and sophomore year of college is a time of change and maturing. We both changed and things ended up not working out for us at all.
I'm not a junior in college and just started dating a new guy. Our relationship has been awesome thus far and has worked out MUCH better than my high school relationship.
I don't see a problem dating in high school, but in my experience, dating in college has been more successful and has made me happier. But that's just me :)
When I was a freshman, I dated my first boyfriend. He was a complete jackass. He was the typical phony fake that faked the entire relationship and just used me for his own purposes. I was devastated. I went into depression for months because I let myself be treated so poorly. Relationships in high school really help you figure out who you really are and figure out what you do/don't want in a relationship. The next two relationships never worked out. I had guys breaking up with me because I didn't want to sleep with them, and I was okay with that. I knew I wanted to wait and if they didn't accept that, too bad. I'm a senior in high school and I have learned a lot from my short-term relationships. I have had a boyfriend since last September (he's graduated now) but I am happy I found him and learned what I really needed from the bad relationships before.
I met my boyfriend in the 11th grade. We dated my senior year but we were not mutually exclusive. We've been together ever since, going on 6 years in October. If someone had told me not to date him because we were in high school, I'd have missed out on a wonderful relationship.
I didn't even date anybody until I was like 20. Guys in high school were way immature. Hell, I was way immature. I wasn't anywhere near ready for dating in high school, and I waited for who I thought was the right person to come around. But it depends on you and if you feel like you're ready.