Break ups suck. That's how it is. Do him a favor and don't try to stay friends with him. That's like telling him his dog died but he can still keep it.

tell him what you already said here, "We have very different personalities and living styles. I just don't think we're fit to be in a relationship."

Pain exists for a reason. Do not defeat it just because it is inconvenient.

It's like ignoring severe migraines that just start out of nowhere. Bad idea.

Here's a number that might help, it's:

1-800-wahwahwah-wahwah-wahwah

"I tried to improve our relationship but have obviously failed."

Try again. It's a world of everyone v.s. everyone... females will tell you to break up with him because it is advantageous to them, males will tell you to break up with him because it is advantageous to them as well. Everyone that follows the crowd uses each other and they all end up losing out in the end because of their opportunistic behavior.

Males and females aren't meant to be "friends". Don't be an opportunistic slut, going from relationship to relationship just because you're unhappy at any given time.

If you believe that bullshit "Only you can make you happy" then fucking do it... with him.

"What are some good ways to have a talk to him and have him understand that we are just not fit to be in a relationship?"

If there are no ways for him to have a talk to you and have you understand that you are just fit be in a relationship, there obviously are none for you either. If putting your hand on a frying pan hurts, uhh... don't fucking do it? What don't people understand?

You're the one here looking for ways to make it less painful, not him. Break his fragile little fucking heart because eventually you're going to run out of ways of deluding yourself into believing you're not the bad guy anyway. Better sooner than later.

Deal with it.

Breaking up is hard to do; But, you want to break up. You can still be civil. You can still be kind.. But, break it off you MUST if he is ever to have the opportunity to find the best woman for him.. And, you want him to be happy. He has not been happy with you and you have not been happy with him.

That's what dating and relationships are for...exploring whether you are right for each other. Just because you aren't right for each other does not make either of you bad people.. It just means you do not mesh.

Break it off now so both of you can find the person you were meant to be with.

I wish you both the best!

Christy

@wildchildofthebluemoon@xanga - "but making him understand that it isn't him and it isn't you"

If she is unhappy, it is her. You are attempting to shift responsibility off of her and onto an abstract idea. It's both intriguing and horrifying that you don't see yourself feeding into this.

@T3hZ10n@xanga - But saying its

 means there is something wrong with him. Saying its

 is saying there is something wrong with her. There isn't anything wrong with either of them, individually. I said that it was them together that was wrong...that there is something wrong with them together, and there is. She is going to go on and find someone that works well with who she is, and the same for him. There is nothing wrong with either of them, just because their relationship didn't work. It sounds like you might just like to place the blame with someone.

So...in the spirit of establishing credibility: none of my exes have ever hated me, and I have never hated an ex. All three I was friendly with, one (the one that dumped me and broke my heart, actually) I was truly friends with after. Just because it has never worked for anyone posting above me does not mean it's not worth trying; if you do try to be kind and he ends up hating you anyways, you're no worse off than if you had had an explosive breakup to begin with.

The true answer to your question is that there isn't a way to break up with someone without hurting them at all. However, you can avoid imparting unnecessary pain, and they may appreciate that. This should go without saying, but, don't break up the next time you have a fight. Choose a time when you are both relatively calm to have an adult conversation about it. Be straightforward--people deserve to hear the truth about why their relationship is ending. Remind him that you've tried to work your issues out and clearly that has put undue stress on you both and it hasn't worked. Be firm--you've made this decision, and when you have The Talk, it's going to be The Talk, not another discussion on how to improve your relationship. Offer to be there for him through the transition and beyond, but let him set the distance. Some people need time apart before they can consider friendship; I needed time together in a group setting to start seeing my ex as a friend again. I needed time to think, then talk (and cry), then think again. He was patient enough to give me all of that. But I know it's not like that for everyone, so try to be accommodating to his needs (though, I draw the line at physical intimacy; even hugs are iffy with an ex, at least for a while). Oh, and last but not least, try to avoid blame--you seem a very reasonable person to realize that your lifestyles or personalities are simply not compatible right now, and neither will be happy to change for the other. That's not a deep-seated personal flaw; that's just a different perception of who you are and who you want to be.

I'm about to ramble, so I'll stop here with a "good luck."  Breakups and rejections are hard, even if you're on the giving end.

If he loves you, it's going to hurt no matter what you do.

BUT by being honest, respectful and firm in your decision you can save him a lot of unnecessary pain. 

The only way it's painless is if he wants to break up, too. So you're probably going to cause some pain. Unless you can think of a way to make him want the break up even more... but those types of games are frowned upon.

@T3hZ10n@xanga - Kid what the fuck is your problem? Why are you so determined to cast blame on this woman just because she wants out of a relationship? Last time I checked, that's not a crime.

You get your feeble little heart broken so you chew out women who are considering doing the same to other men? Shit happens. It's nobody's fault, it just happens. Casting blame is easy, perhaps you should try accepting responsibility for things like why YOUR relationship fell to shit.

@Superman_aka_NEPP@xanga - I do accept responsibility... I'm not a shallow rich fuck that has no problem using women just for my benefit and tossing them aside when I'm no longer happy, and that bothered her because she doesn't understand my type and can't manipulate or control me and that scared her off.

I'm not into modern-day sluttery, so it's totally and obviously my fault and that is not sarcasm.

@Superman_aka_NEPP@xanga - If he wasn't physically abusive, it damn well should be a crime. You don't fucking use people to make you happy. Make yourself happy.

You could tell him what you told us on here. You could say somewhere along the lines, "Look, you're a nice guy, you really are, but we have completely different personalities and lifestyles that are completely opposite like night and day, and it's just not working out. We fight all the time, and when we aren't doing that we're complaining about each other, and that's not what we both need or deserve in a relationship," and so on and so forth, or in your own words. But that's probably as kind as it's going to get.