Monday, 13 August 2012
-
Does This Count as Cheating?
This post was submitted anonymously.
I have a friend that just recently got into a new relationship. He has been seeing/talking to this girl for about 3 weeks. The first weekend they were talking, she went out of town. And him being the womanizer he is, went and slept with another girl. He and his new girl are officially dating, but he hasn't told her what he did when she was out of town.
Now, his theory (which is just dumb) is that even if she knew, she wouldn't leave... so why not tell her and start the relationship off on the right foot?And does this is even count as cheating since they didn't have the official title as boyfriend/girlfriend?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (50)
I think he should tell her because she has the right to know. Honestly I do not know if it is cheating because they just started talking but I think ultimately his girlfriend needs to make that decision.
its not cheating. and telling her about it would be like talking about an ex girlfrend
It's probably not cheating, but it sounds like he's probably an insensitive jerk and she may want to know that.
It sounds like they weren't exclusive at the time, so I wouldn't consider that cheating.
It's not cheating, but it doesn't feel right, and it's something I'd want to know about.
Well its not because they weren't together but its still fishy that he slept with somebody when he supposedly has feelings for this girl.
Titles mean nothing. Titles do not determine what feelings are involved and titles do not change the fact that there was a relationship in progress.
@xsimplepleasuresx@xanga - Oh yeah... I like someone and I am considering an exclusive relationship with them so it only makes sense to fuck someone else entirely and look for technicalities to justify it after the fact.
Words do not determine what happened after something has happened. If two people are interested in each other, exclusivity MUST be assumed because that's what a relationship IS... the limiting of romantic interest to (usually) ONE individual unless it is otherwise made clear to be an OPEN RELATIONSHIP which you would TELL THE PERSON BEFOREHAND because that IS NOT the norm. A relationship is the LIMITING of romantic interest to one individual... not the broadening of it in general.
No. What he did is definitely cheating.
I guess it was not cheating at the time, but if they are serious now it is very wrong to keep it from her.
lol it doesn't matter, he's going to cheat on her again, and that's what matters.
It may not be cheating but she still has the right to know what he did and make a decision if she still wants to be with him.
your wording is exceptionally confusing--but it sounds like they weren't exclusive. how could they have been "seeing" each other for 3 weeks, and then you talk about what happened the first weekend when she wasn't around? so are you saying they'd gone out on one date? how is that cheating then? and what does "officially dating" mean? there is a difference between that and exclusivity. if you don't explicitly say you are exclusive, you are not exclusive. that is a rookie mistake that 18 year old girls make.
all that being said, i have no idea what the hell happened in your post. you need to learn how to write more clearly.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Awesome, I'm not the only one. I re-read it twice because I thought I'd missed something.
@chronic_masticator@xanga - yeah, i'm pretty sure no one else here knew what was going on either, but you know how people on the internet are--they tend to respond without bothering to understand what the author was trying to say. (in all fairness, i've done it on occasion too.) love your username, by the way.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - A date does not imply an exclusive relationship or intent to enter into one, nor does it give the date any authority over the other in regards to who else they may see. The hookup occurred during the first week of the pair's "seeing/talking" to each other. That doesn't sound like they were anywhere close to being in a relationship, it sounds like they had at most a few dates. If and when they decided to enter into a relationship, then they can assume exclusivity, and at that point any actions with another party (excluding open relationships) can be considered cheating. The difference between your comment and mine is the assumption of when they entered into a relationship. The author was not clear in stating when the relationship began, so a definitive conclusion is ill advised.
Technically, it's not considered cheating since they weren't officially together at the time. However, his assumption about not telling her... I'm not sure if that's right. I mean, how would he know if she would leave or not? No, it's not considered cheating but it doesn't mean it might not hurt her.
I'd only want to know if I was sleeping with the guy.
If it's unofficial then no it isn't cheating. If it is official then it is.
I have been unofficial with this guy for 3 1/2 years. Only one time he told me he hooked up with someone else and they used protection on a bj but it wasn't anything else. I was mad at first but then thought I'm so glad I wasn't in an official relationship with him because that would definitely be cheating.
This past weekend a new guy was hitting on me so I thought to myself hey if my sudo-guy can get with other people then I can, too. The new guy and I hooked up and I'm still contemplating whether or not to tell my unofficial guy. After all, he did tell me about his hook up but on one hand I don't see our sudo-relationship turning official and I don't want to tell him. I may eventually, though.
These are the perks of an unofficial relationship, you feel less guilty about something since it's technically not cheating and you still have something to fall back on in case you can't get any elsewhere since both want the same thing the fuck buddy relationship can work out, contrary to popular beliefs.
It's not cheating because they weren't together, but I wouldn't want someone to do that to me.
No point asking me, I'm an arsehole.
@xsimplepleasuresx@xanga -
"A date does not imply an exclusive relationship..."
Unless otherwise specified (e.g. a "double date") for the duration of the date, yes... it does.
"...or intent to enter into one"
Which should be determined during and in effect after the exclusive date, so yes... it does.
"nor does it give the date any authority over the other in regards to who else they may see."
If I don't want the other individual "seeing" anyone else, the other individual has no "authority" to date me if they choose to because that is cheating.
I don't know what world you live in, but in this world, the real world, yes... it does.
I just annihilated whatever point you thought you had in the first sentence.
OP: I have a friend that just recently got into a new relationship.
You: That doesn't sound like they were anywhere close to being in a relationship
L2R. That's WoW for "learn to read". When you give advice, you're supposed to objectively consider what the person asking has to say as axiomatic/true. If they say it is a relationship, don't weasel in arbitrary information. It is a relationship.
"he who does not feel me is not real to me
Therefore he doesn't exist
So poof...vamoose son of a bitch"
I rarely say this but... sit down and shut the fuck up.
http://youtu.be/lAiXydvRzlo
I feel like if you are courting a girl, and you are really into her, why go out and doing something like that with someone else? If you really like someone, why not wait for her.
Maybe I'm old-fashion, I don't believe in dating more than one person at a time stuff, it's too selfish.
I say it's cheating, just because he's cheating her out of the knowledge of what he did. And he is building a relationship upon lies, just to save himself, see her get upset. He is selfish. He needs to be man enough to tell her, and to explain his point of view, so she can understand him.
Hmm.. well, it would have to depend on their agreement. I mean, if they were simply beginning to date, to sleep with someone after they had only really been talking for a week is definitely not cheating. Especially if they hadn't agreed to be exclusive. Also, it sounds like they had just been talking that first week and hadn't gone on a date yet. If this is so, it's definitely not cheating. Some people just like to keep their options open when they're not sure about someone they just met, and that's ok.
The bottom line is, you don't know him. He could be someone who enjoyed one-night stands (which is fine, it's not illegal & both guys and girls do it) but met her and discovered after awhile that he really liked her & wanted to pursue a relationship. I mean, I can't say I'd care to know but I also wouldn't be mad if he told me. I'd simply say, "Alright, that's fine, I don't consider that cheating BUT if you do ever cheat on me, I'll cut off your balls & feed them to my pet snake. And I'm not kidding." ;]
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Agreed!
If you have to ask yourself the question, "Does this count as cheating?" Then it probably does, or it's probably pretty damn close.