Sunday, 12 August 2012
Over the summer, I was randomly contacted by no less than 3 guys I went out with in the past. I'd say that all 3 of these count as random/unexpected due to the fact that we have not remained in contact and because all 3 of these didn't end particularly well (some better than others). Out of the blue I got a phone call from one, an email from another, and some texts from the third. Two were attempts at catching up, staying in touch, "being friends again" and the third was an actual proposal to try things again. Keep in mind that I had by no means been chatting it up with any of these prior to the recent contact.
With one of these I politely declined the get-back-together offer, also having to inquire as to why asking for a second chance crossed his mind at all. If I misled him in anyway, sincere apologies. Not my intention at all, I don't take pleasure in leading people on. With the second person I entertained some light conversation but nothing serious.
Luckily, he talks a lot so it probably seemed like we had a conversation when in reality all I had to do was listen to him for a while and that counts as us catching up. The third I have been actively ignoring; he continues to contact me despite me having asked him to just leave me alone.
So what is with this? I have never felt an urge to randomly contact a person I used to date to try to be friends with, and I suppose that goes along with the fact that I have never had the urge to try things again with someone that I haven't seen in a considerable amount of time. 2/3 of the aforementioned bachelors should be ashamed of themselves for getting in touch with me after the way things ended (lying, cheating, etc.).
After being contacted by the third bachelor, I was actually sent into a bit of a depression for a couple days due the the extreme nature of mistreatment that I experienced from him three years ago. I am all patched together now, but I did have a difficult time figuring out how to justify asking him to not contact me again. I didn't want him to think that I am still tied up in knots over what happened, but despite being all better now I also really don't want to open up to someone who has wreaked havoc before.
It was tricky and not a fun thing to go through, but I think I have deflected all the advances.
Why now? Why me? What would give someone the guts after (in some cases!) years of no contact to try to wiggle their way back into my life now? Why are they not embarrassed? Are these offers of friendship more innocent than I give them credit for? Even in the cases that I wish I could maintain a friendship with an ex, most of the time I don't even try because it isn't worth the possibility of leading one on with false hope of any kind.
Sure I'd probably value their friendships since I was once interested enough to date them for a while, maybe they could value a friendship eventually too, but I think a cautious amount of damage control is the fairest option for most involved. End of story.
Have you ever been caught by surprise when an ex tries to step back into the picture for any reason? Have you ever had a pining for someone that you haven't been in contact for a considerable amount of time? How did you deal with this?