I recently began a long distance relationship. She's 1.5 years younger than me (I'm 22, she'll be 21 in November), we met in college, she returned home to go back to community college after a change of career interest, and I'm about to graduate with my B.A. in December. She now lives three hours from me over The Mountains (and mountain pass) of Doom. The result is that we're trying an LDR for the next few months until I graduate and can move over the mountains (I have family on that side of the state).
For the last two months, we've spent every other week together before her lease in our college town ended. But now I will be seeing her maybe once or twice a month on weekends. We Skype every night. We're both Christians and are working on a devotional bible study together through ESVonline (I don't expect Datingish readers to know anything about this, don't worry).
BUT I'm not familiar with ways to stay spontaneous and romantic in an LDR.
One idea is to surprise her with snail mail. She doesn't like texting much (she said it's too impersonal), so I don't do too much of the random text messages.
My question is, what does Datingish recommend for ways to be romantic and spontaneous in an LDR?
Especially, for anyone who has been in an LDR, what were/are things that were really beneficial for your relationship?
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Comments (18)
My advice is to not dwell on the distance.... The fact you know when you'll see eachother again, and you know when the distance will be over is wonderful.
Have dinner dates together on Skype... Snail mail is a good idea like you said... If the romance dwindles just because you are apart for a couple months... Then I'm not sure what to tell you!!
Just keep things positive!!!!! If you're positive, and happy, she'll remain positive and happy.
Not wearing shirts with peace symbols on them.
Oh... and don't cheat. From what I've heard that's an important one.
I'm in a LDR. Also three hours away.
Don't text or call each other every day. For the longest time my guy and I have literally talked every single day non-stop. This caused fights.
When we took a few a few days off of not talking it got better.
Since I don't have a working car to take long trips, he usually comes down to see me for two nights and three days a week. For a LDR we still see each other fairly often that I find it funny thinking about it.
People who live 5 fucking minutes away from me don't take the effort to see me when a guy who is a billion miles away will drive down every week 3 hours here and 3 hours back to hang out.
Oh well, shows where some people's priorities are.
Texting may be impersonal, but what about picture messaging? I know when my long distance boyfriend sends me a picture of his smiling face, it cheers me up :)
Send her random little gifts from time to time that tie back to a conversation you had or something you both found funny. They don't have to be expensive or big. Trust me, she'll love it.
The best thing for LDR's is to make sure that you don't become too possessive of the time you do have together. It can make it start to feel like a chore.
Play games while skyping! Sherades is always a good laugh, or mad libs. :}
http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/
Get Skype! My boyfriend's five hours away and we try and Skype most nights :) Also, once or twice a month is NOT bad at all - just focus on the fact that you'll see each other in say, less than 14 days each time, and it'll make things much easier :)
Long distance can work as I know, but you want children, I suggest at least one face-to-face meeting, unless you have a good postal service which deals with refrigerated goods.
I would have loved to have been just 3hrs away from my hubby when we dated!
I lived in Calgary and he was in Florida, so that was almost an 8hr flight.. We made it work for 13 months.. And we only saw eachother maybe once every other month..
How did we make it work? We didn't focus on the distance.. We used the countless hours we spent on the phone to tell eachother things that would have been hard to talk about in person... We watched movies "together" over the phone.. He'd sent me flowers (which was interesting because I worked for the florist and we became good friends)..The distance actually helped us, because we learned to communicate. I still have the gifts he gave and sent me... The first time he went back home he bought me a super cute and cuddly teddy bear, and sprayed it with his cologne so it smelled like him.. He'd made me cd's, send me long mushy emails (which I still have!)...
Just make the most of it... like i said, 3hrs away is nothing.
I've been doing long distance for quite awhile. Right now it's eleven hours. Before, I was constantly traveling so communication was limited and distance was unpredictable. Something fun we do is watch "our" TV show together while on the phone which enables us to make comments throughout. We skype on occasion (though sometimes this makes it harder because you can see them but you're still really far away from a hug). Phone calls and texts are kinda obvious. Making a video and acting goofy (I've played a few songs in our months apart). I made a private facebook album that I update frequently with things I miss about him. Dinner together over skype is a good one too. It's those things that make you feel normal. Best of luck and God bless!
When my husband is away on duty (military wife here) we skype when we can, and if not, we call once a day (usually around bedtime). Random texts through the day are nice too, but they weren't every day.
I disagree with the advice above that talking with each other once a day causes fights and should be avoided - that probably had more to do with the non-stop part of "every single day non-stop." That isn't to say that every conversation has to be 2 hours long, sometimes my husband and I just stayed on the phone for 5 minutes but that was valuable time, too.
One thing that is nice from a female perspective - send her something in the mail....I just re-read what you wrote, you already covered all of this. And now you're freaking me out. Why? Because if all of this is not enough for you, i'm a little worried you're coming on too strong.
I'm currently in a long distance relationship. Calling instead texting is more personal. Also, i think skype is good.
I actually met my oyfriend on a christian dating site. And we've connected on a different level than when I had boyfriends (exes) even though they were close.I feel in a LDR relationship you connect on a emotional and mental level, which is always a good things.Since it's a short amount of time, it shouldn't be too hard, and you have the foundation of a relationship already established. I think you'll do fine.
I live in new jersey and dated someone in seattle for years. We saw eachother about once every three months. here are a few things we did
1. have a ritual. This is so important. Promise to call or text at least at the same time everyday (and let them know in advance if you can't). constant reassurance is necessary to remind your partner that you love them.
2. make plans for the future. Some of the scariest part of a long distance relationship is the fear that they might not like you anymore when you come back, but let them know you are excited about coming back by making plans. Doesn't have to be anything special - movie ticket vouches, i've found good stuff on group on for museum tickets and things like that.
3. Be sentimental. I used to leave little love notes hidden everywhere in my then boyfriend's room while he was away. really it was nothing too special: a quick i love you, i'm gonna love for you a long time - type notes. I would hide them in pant pockets, dresser drawers, jacket pockets, under his laptop or in the pages of books i knew he would read. He kept every single one of them in his wallet until the next time i left more.
4. make use of the internet. There are so many ways to share yourself on the internet. I started a photo everyday blog where i took a photo of myself or things i did everyday to make him feel like he was part of my days while being 3000 miles away. Twitter is great too, tweet at your significant other and respond to their tweets. Facebook is also a great way to do such, leaving interesting articles on their facebook page or just funny pictures of yourself or funny videos of yourself while you're trying to study!
5. Always answer the phone. I can't stress how important it is to answer your phone every time she calls. She will be calling to say hello, when she needs you, when something is wrong, when something is right or maybe when we're having a doubt. But you will never know which one of those things it's about unless you pick up the phone - And i hope it's always calling to say hello or something good (but i can't promise it will always be). We had a rule that even if he was in the middle of something, or if i was in the middle of something and we saw our cell phone light up - we would answer every time even if just to say "hey, i have to call you back in an hour."
Good luck!!!
After 10+ months in a 3-hours-away relationship, I've come to the conclusion that it's more 'medium' distance. It's a very different breed of 'long distance' than if you can only see each other a few times a year. During the week, you focus on work (anyway) and during the weekends someone visits the other. In my situation, it works best for us to alternate, so neither feels burdened with the travel (it is 6 hours both ways after all). This works because neither of us has a car, so we both take a bus between our cities; however as seen from the comments, things like car availability may change that.
I think the best advice I can give is find the communication method and style that works for you. You've had a good start (texting is a no-go for you), but you're also getting lots of conflicting advice: Skype! phone! every day! not every day! The fact is, it's different for different people. My bf and I knew each other for about 4 years by the time we started dating and had spent 3 of those years talking on AIM or gChat practically every day. So, for us, that is one of the most effective and intimate forms of communication. Try to look at how you communicate now when you can't be together physically, and turn that into your LDR plan.
Oh, and to answer your other question: the only big difference is that you know ahead of time when you'll be visiting each other. So to be spontaneous, come up with plans, date ideas, gifts, etc. to surprise your partner when they visit. Just don't go overboard; one of the most romantic things is just being together and being able to do absolutely nothing for a stretch and enjoy it immensely, isn't it?
A couple of weekends a month doesn't seem that bad to me. And... it's only for a few months. I think it will be easier than you expect. The key is to stay in contact, and have a plan for eventually being together. You've got all that, and you'll be seeing each other, just not as much. If you really want to go all out, have flowers delivered to her sometime.