I have a good friend who is
engaged at 20 years old. Her long-distance fiancé proposed after just 3 months of dating. How long-distance, you ask? They met while she was teaching in Korea, where he lives. She's at college in Arizona.
Like many of you, my first reaction when I heard this story was, "Wow. They're never going to last." But it's been 8 months since I met her and they're still going strong. And now that I know her much better than I did, I have way more confidence that they'll make it. Part of the reason for this is that my friend has a very rich romantic history. Case in point?
She's been proposed to 3 times.
Okay, so they weren't all down-on-bended-knee proposals, and she's only accepted one. Still, there were two other times when different guys seriously implied an imminent proposal. My friend shot them both down, knowing that neither was the 'one' and that she wasn't ready.
Her story so far has left me with two questions. The first being,
how many Datingish readers, if any, have been proposed to so many times at such a young age. I'm 21, have never been proposed to, and am perfectly happy with my non-engaged-or-even-close-to-it state. But I also grew up in New York, Connecticut, and Tokyo, all of which are places that young marriages are extremely uncommon. So I'm curious to see what others' experiences have been.
Secondly, have you ever said no to a proposal, and why? Proposals are romantic affairs, but we never hear about the ones that don't result in an engagement. Talk about a cringe-worthy experience for all involved parties! So if you've ever been almost engaged but didn't quite make it there, I want to know why. Did you do the rejecting, or was it the other way around? Why? Did you know he/she wasn't the one? Did you continue dating after?
So, to boil it all down - have you ever been proposed to? Did you say no? Why?Image Source
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Comments (29)
Because they're not ready?
I'm not engaged. I proposed to an ex-girlfriend, I guess you can say, but considering it was two women in a state where we couldn't marry, who knows how much that meant, huh? Either way, wasn't meaning to talk about that. :s With my current boyfriend, we aren't engaged but we have talked about marriage in some length. We both want to get married, we've acknowledged that we're serious about our relationship and we do want to marry each other but it hasn't gone further than that. We've talked about what our idealistic wedding will be like and what we want out of our future so the proposal in most ways really isn't important to me, whether it happens or not. Getting married is great, but I would honestly be okay with not getting married too. I'm not religious so I don't feel like I need getting married to feel complete or any more attached than I am now. I'm focused on furthering myself in my current career and planting my feet in the ground in the new town I'm in. I'm young, 22 (in two days!) and have plenty of time to wait for the rest of my life to unfold.
As far as if my SO DID propose now though, I would say yes for what it's worth. I love him and do see a forever with him. If he didn't for a year, or three, I would be okay with that too though.
At least twice before my husband. Maybe 3 times. The first guy, I was in high school, I had no feelings for him, and I wasn't ready. I don't even know why he asked me. We graduated and went our separate ways. The second guy was the same thing except I was older and I wanted to yell at him, " OH MY GOD (insert name) what the fuck would I marry you for?" We continued dating until I got tired of him proposing. I hope the third guy wasn't serious. Then I meet my husband and he proposed to me in the dorkiest most awkward way possible and I said yes.
@xraindropsonroses@xanga - Hahahahahahaha :')
i've never refused a proposal bc i've only received one so far. i actually accepted it but then a few months before the wedding, i decided to give him the ring back and call off the wedding. he wasn't right for me or me for him and i knew it and i didn't want us to make a big mistake later. it's one of the biggest decisions i've made so far in my life, i knew that i was going to break his heart and make a lot of people upset but i had to do what is right for me.
i have an acquaintance who was seeing this girl for a good 4-5 years, and proposed to her. she said she thought they were just dating for fun (lol). they broke up some months later. what a sucker...dunno how he couldn't see that coming after so many years.
@superGchik@xanga - if i may say so myself, i think you did the right thing for both of you (though it would probably have been better for you to break it off earlier, if you knew you wanted to do so). if you had gotten married, it would have been worse for both of you, and ended worse for both of you as well. it's like ripping off a band-aid. it sucks at the time, but he's a big boy and will get over it.
I said no to 2 guys before I met my hubby...
The first one is my goddaughter's dad and a very dear friend.. I said no because even though I loved that baby, and I cared for him.. I was not in love...The second one was my best friend.. He came over the night before I was leaving for college and told me he loved me.. We have been through so much together, but I knew he was not the guy for me.. We had tried to date several times and it just didn't work.. Turning down that ring broke my heart. Less then a year later I met my hubby..we got engaged after 4 months... And after a 13 month long distance relationship, he moved and 2 months later we got married... 8 yrs and still strong =)My ex proposed to me before he moved back to Texas. I lived in California, he moved out here for me, but had to move back due to money reasons. I had a ring from him that was his grandma's. It was supposed to be a 'I promise we'll stay together' ring. He proposed to me after I already had the ring and wanted to go to Vegas and get married. He said if we did he would stay living here. I said no because I didn't think it was a good idea even though we had been dating for 2-3 years at that point. He moved back to Texas, we broke up a year later, and then I found out that less than a year after moving back to Texas he had gotten into a relationship with someone else even though he was still talking to me and visiting me. Always go with gut feelings :)
I've never outright rejected one, but my ex talked about getting engaged when he found I was pregnant. Unfortunately, I miscarried and he turned full circle into a massive jerk, so I'm glad I never said yes!
My sister has had tons of proposals... Rejected all of them. What can I say? ARRANGED MARRIAGES DO THAT.
I've never particularly wanted to get married and I have been proposed to, I had so many reservations about it and rejected it, then he kept on proposing and I eventually said yes...then eventually called it off - although we are still together - because I sadly, hate the idea of commitment. I will commit but I prefer to do it blindly so; it's just the reality of having a ring on my finger used to give me so much anxiety because I'd look at it and see "THE REST OF MY LIFE?!" and freak out so...he understood though. Yes, it could be perhaps a case of the wrong guy - as according to everyone else I should have been thrilled to be wearing "his ring" - but we'll see :)
I was proposed to at 16. I did say yes, but thank goodness I broke up with him. He would have been awful to be married to.
Wow I'm a little surprised how many people have already gotten so many proposals. Anyway, I've never been proposed to. Emotionally, I would love my boyfriend to propose to me but logically I know it can/should wait. He knows it too, so he's doesn't plan to be asking for another 3-ish yrs.
most my exes have propsed to me and i would just go along with it (it was high school)
my currenr boyfriend of 15mo (living together 1yr) kind of asked out of curiosity and i panicked and told him to shhut up :(
what i meant to say was "of course that is a dream come true!!!"
sigh:(
I've been proposed to once. Honestly, the way he said it, I thought he was being rhetorical. I was sixteen and my boyfriend of the time was visiting from out of state. It was a long distance relationship. I had an argument with my mom while he was down and I went outside to cool off. He followed me, and I really didn't want to talk right then. I just wanted to calm down. I kept my eyes averted from him, and he asked me "If I asked you if you wanted to marry me, would you say yes?". I was grumpy, and ready to say anything to make him give me some peace, so I just said yes. I found out a little later that that was his marriage proposal and that yes was what he considered to be the real thing. I felt bad, so I went along with it. We eventually broke up because he was controlling, manipulitive, and just all around no good, for me. I'm sure he's fine for someone else, but I couldn't deal with his bs. I really wish I had said no. That would have been the better thing to do.
My dad was engaged three times. He doesn't really talk about it, not even their names but that silence can easily be interpreted as: I made a mistake, they didn't work out, and I'm embarrassed.
It's true though. With people who have been engaged multiple times, it's natural to wonder if it will actually lead to a marriage. As much as you like the person and want to trust they're making the right decision, they come off as the boy who called wolf.
No...no one ever asked...and most of my relationships were ith women who did not wan to get married to someone who is poor, always havebeen and always will be....so I usually my relationships with "friends with benefits" situations. that ended when they found somebody that was more financially secure and now that I am severely sick...the dating game is over for me. And tmaybe that is the way it should be.
hahhahahahah yes and then my ex posted that photo as his profile picture. less than 6 months later, he had some other bitch moving in with him. #betteroffwithouthim
I'm not sure if this counts but I got proposed to over Yahoo messenger. The person claimed to be 15 and from somewhere in Africa (don't remember where). I said, "No, I'm only 14 and you should probably find a girl in your own country." I've been told it's a cultural thing, but it was still, although flattering, an uncomfortable situation. He was fairly persistent.
I was proposed to twice when I was 16 and I said no to both guys... and then one of those guys proposed to me again when I was 21 (even though we were just meeting up because we hadn't seen each other in a long time, so it wasn't like we were even "back together" or even remotely close to having a serious relationship)
it was always awkward, and I said "you can't be serious? I'm 16!" the first two times with the different guys, and then when one of them asked me again years later I said "No. How could you possibly think I would say yes to that?"
I have no plans on getting married anytime soon, just enjoying life!
She's married to someone else now and I'm glad for that.
I turned down 2 guys before I said yes to my first fiance. Then I said no again to 1 person. Then I met my current. I said yes, we broke up, I proposed, we broke up, then I said no when he asked again. We still live together though.
Had an ex that I knew was leaning towards wanting to get married. Glad that I ended it before things could have gotten worse- unfortunately upon the break up he told me he had been planning to propose but I think it was definitely not a good sign that he was delusional enough to think that we could get married.
I got proposed to once. Turned it down. I wasn't in love and there was no deep emotional intimacy I need in order to be happy with someone. I had it but he wasn't or couldn't give it to me. Plus he wasn't that remarkable of a person. Not that sweet or kind. Just your typical person. He wasn't someone I wanted to give my future to even though we looked great on paper. It would have been miserable. Glad I didn't do it to fit in with everyone else getting married. Plus I'm not really into the whole marriage thing. Its to money contract based.