With the plethora of reality shows I've come across with the flick of every channel, I get more and more annoyed. It's always the same story lines, same surrounding arguments, and lately, the same denominating factor. Men who can't keep their "little men" in their pants and women who don't mind appeasing them when they can't. Then I study the actions of these very women and wonder if they honestly believe the justification that comes out of their mouths.
Can someone truly be content with being "the other woman?"
I'll be honest and say I've been attracted to men that were off the market. Even flirted with a few; that's where it ended. But, not everyone holds that same moral standard. Or shall we say...will power. There are women who don't mind the attention of a man who has a significant other, or even family, at home. Some even prefer it. And I've always questioned why.
What is it that attracts these women and keeps them playing the role of second best? Some, even convincing themselves that they are the "main." But is there no guilt in this cast part you've agreed to?
I'm not naive to the fact that not all of these women that label themselves "the other woman" actually made the conscious decision to involve themselves with an unavailable man; things do happen. Some may have very well been misled into thinking they were the only one. But the blame game soon turns when the truth is revealed and you stay in the situation, regardless.
Sure, they may have more to lose than you, but at what cost do you let that overshadow your want to stay?
I've heard men say, it's not so much having two or more women, but the safety of knowing there's someone (their back-up) who's there to comfort them when their "main" isn't willing or able. Mainly because he knows he can get away with more with you, than he can in his actual relationship.
You're already holding onto his biggest secret: the fact that you even exist! So at this point there's not much that he can't do that you won't put up with. He can just continue feeding you the excuses of why he hasn't ended his already standing relationship, keep giving you a time frame of when it will end and you'll continue to wait because...he'll leave her...soon. Right?
I'm not bashing what some may choose to do. But, I am curious as to why they choose to do it. I've never been "the other woman."
For those of you who have or are, what keeps you staying? Why did you choose to start it to begin with?
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he lied about his status. I only found out via facebook. he denied and gave me the runaround about his wife at first, but later he admitted it, and also told me the things that he didn't like about his wife. it doesn't justify cheating, and people cheat for various reasons, so I heard his excuses. he basically said that she had an attitude problem and was annoying. he didn't feel appreciated or desirable. she's cute and he's attracted to her, but he would like her to dress up sometimes. he fell for me because he felt that I was all the things that he didn't find in his wife and he said that if I said yes, he would fly me over to his home and let me move in
he said that he was temporarily separated from his wife. I wouldn't know if he lied or not, but I didn't want to get serious with him. his wife found out about me and was jealous, so she suddenly became competitive and wanted to seduce him back
lmao no need to compete, I don't want him that badly, so she can have him, which she eventually did. she was fliriting with other men and didn't pay attention to him until she felt threatened by moi
I was inadvertently a home reunion-er or whatever, not a homewrecker lol I have no idea wtf happened, but that was that. later he still tried to flirt with me. I ignored him, because a way hotter single guy was talking to me; half black, my favorite. I'll reject the vanilla if I have an oreo cookie
It seems easier than keeping up an entire relationship and you feel special. Those are my guesses.
You'd be surprised how easy it is to rationalize anything.
@manUfan420@xanga - I agree - I've heard a myriad of excuses from "They're going through a separation phase" to "I know he loves me" (Same girl, so maybe she was just crazy?)
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - lmao I guess everything IS better with chocolate.
Every girl wants to be believe that SHE is the special one, that she can make him happier than he ever has been, even with his wife.
At least that's what it seems like to me when women flirt with my husband RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. They don't know that disrespecting me is the fastest way to get him pissed off. They also know nothing about our relationship and the things we've been through together. It makes him mad, it makes me laugh, because they have no chance.@manUfan420@xanga - That is so true.
I've spoken to a guy who was in a relationship. The extent of our relationship was BBMing. He told me things weren't working out with his girlfriend and that he wanted to break up with her but didn't want to break her heart, blah blah blahh. The only thing I gave into was sending him a picture of myself in my bra and panties. I didn't want to do anything more because I felt really bad for his girlfriend and I felt stupid for talking to him but he gave me some great advice at times. One day, his girlfriend got a hold of my number and texted me asking if I was doing anything with him. I was honest and told her that we've been talking and that we exchanged pictures (well he sent me a naked picture without me asking for one). That's it. And then he ended up messaing me on Facebook, because I deleted him from BBM, and started flipping out on me. He said that I was stupid because she didn't know a damn thing. Man, even if she didn't know anything or had some suspicion, it didn't matter...she deserved to know the truth. So, I wasn't the other woman but I was the other woman he BBM'd all the time and got a bra and panty picture from. That was my only encounter with someone who was in a relationship. Never again. I'm in a relationship now, and I told my boyfriend about it. I told him because it was something totally stupid I did in the past, but I also wanted him to know that I've made my fair share of mistakes, but I learned a great deal from them.
I have lots of friends already, so I usually just wanna have sex with my bfs. The other stuff is kinda annoying sometimes. I usually put up with it for a while, but eventually it kills my sexual desire for that person, and then I hafta find someone else to fill my needs.
But then again, we should share our love, so I tend to do it. If the other person gets all jealous, that's kinda her fault. She's too selfish and needs to learn how share.
The only exception is when he has a family. In those cases i usually get him to hook me up with his son instead. They're usually cuter anyways, so it works out good. Well, for me at least.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was hooking up with someone who was married.
He wasn't from here and I wasn't looking for a relationship with him for several reasons one of them mainly because he's in the military and we all know how most military men are. I'm not saying all are scumbags but the military men i've talked to have cheated on their wives and/or girlfriends while away.
If i had known from the beginning he was married, i would not have talked to him at all. i'm not that type of person and it sickens me that he got with me with he knowing that he was married.
even hooking up with him, i felt like something was wrong and then later on he admitted that he was married. i asked him if he had a gf or someone and he was like no kinda. no it wasn't a gf it's a wife.
i feel pity for the wife because they were high school sweethearts and he's cheated on her with more than one person while he's away. even if she did find out she'd probably still be with him because she's "used" to everything they have. ugh, i hate "women" like that who stay with someone who obviously isn't good for them just because they're used to everything and don't want change.
well i have news for those "women": grow up and find something better instead of letting a scum bag cheat on you time and again
I've also met people who think it isn't cheating while in a relationship until they are married and have a ring on the finger and they do something with others.
If you're exclusive with me no matter what level, it's cheating. Don't waste my time if you're just gonna act like you're single even though you're exclusive with someone is what I would tell someone if I found out they cheated on me.
We fell in love when they were on a break. He decided to go back to her. He couldn't let go of me & I couldn't let go of him either. Being the other woman makes you feel like shit most of the time, but the time I spend with him (which is fairly often) I feel indescribably amazing. We don't have sex, we don't kiss (with a few accidents as exceptions), it's "fairly innocent." But the fact still remains that we love eachother and talk about being together after him and his girlfriend finally end it. I get treated like second choice, yet also the best choice. It's like he's reluctant to stay, but reluctant to go. I can't pretend I understand what he's doing or why I'm sticking around, other than the obvious, that I really love this person... & I might be an idiot.
@Living_just_2_breathe@xanga - been there done that hahhahaha
I've been the "other man".
She had big boobs, how could I say no? I'm only human.
I'm sure she's thanking me though. She has since broken up with him and is now married with someone else. If it werent for me, i'm sure she would have married the previous and been miserable.
i've banged a married woman before. i know it sucks for her husband, and that i disrespected him by doing so. but i don't even know the guy, so why should i care?
however, i would never actually try to get into a relationship with a girl who was already spoken for. i'm not gonna be some woman's bitch whenever her husband isn't home. i guess i don't understand that type of thing, either.A lot of women who are "the other woman" want a relationship with no strings attached, especially if she is married or in a serious relationship as well.
Many also do it because they like to think that they are better than the wife and entertain the idea that they are sexier, smarter and more fun because if they weren't, wouldn't the cheating spouse be at home? It's a desperate attempt to boost their self-esteem.
Everyone who has been the other woman or other dude or whatever and KNEW about the person being in a relationship, has no justification. You are a terrible person. And yeah it's wrong to judge, but I am so judging you.
I would hesitate to go after a guy in a relationship, but if I truly felt a special connection to him then I would do it. Unless he is married. Fact of the matter is, if you aren't married you are free game. My personal feelings are that you can't have a full commitment until you are married, no matter what the anti-mariage people believe for themselves. I came very close to cheating with a guy who I knew had been in a relationship for 5+ years. Ultimately I decided not to meet up with him while he was in town because I didn't want to have meaningless sex with him, not because he has a gf. I don't think I am a bad person. However, I have never been cheated on (to my knowledge) and if the roles were reversed I don't know how I would feel. I don't think that I would cheat on my partner if I were in a relationship though.
@Guest - thats funny i also was seeing a guy who is in the military and is married to his high school sweetheart. He never told me he's married till later. We didnt really hook up though just messed around. I guess what justified it in my mind was the fact that his wife cheated on him before and he told me this was different than cheating cuz he was in love with me. Now just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.
uhh i hooked up with this guy when i was taking a break with my bf. he told me he and his ex r cordial they hang out on the weekends. one day i went to this restaurant with my friend and i saw him there with his whole family and his "ex-girlfriend" i wasn't really into him but it still sucked. it's enough to thwart me from ever becoming someones "thing on the side"
I try to be as respectful as possible. If I like a person, I don't kiss them or sleep with them until they're single, but that doesn't mean I don't spend time with them. I basically start out as "the other woman" in a very flirty, sexual tension type way. After a few days of spending time with me, both men (this has only happened to me twice) have left their girlfriends for me. I wouldn't stick around being the other woman for a very long time. If I want something, I get it. I started out as the other woman with my current boyfriend and now we are happily in love and have been for a very long time. Some people were just meant to be together despite circumstance or significant others.
I have no respect for people who pursue a relationship or a hook up with someone who is taken. Have some respect for the person's partner. How would you feel if your husband/boyfriend were cheating on you? There is never a justification for cheating. If you would even consider ever being with someone else, leave the person you're with. Even if I was really into someone, if I knew or found out they had someone else, I would back off completely. Being cheated on hurts, and it is so hard to heal from the betrayal.
@guest - Lol, most military guys I've met, no not most but all military guys I've met who've tried to talk to me have someone else in their lives in some way shape or form whether it's a child with their ex or relationship, and marriage, they're already spoken for. I mean can they not keep it in their pants? I'm all for a fun fling, but if the dude's made a commitment to someone else, especially marriage, he should stick with it.
there was another military guy who went into the air force and while i was talking to him he really wasn't committed to anyone but at the same time he was leading his ex one while talking to me and she got psycho at me and was obsessed with me for three years calling me a whore for "homewrecking" them when they weren't even together. i thought she was pretty delusional to fight for someone who would cheat on her. if it were me and i was cheated on like she was, i wouldn't give that guy the time of day anymore. this air force dude has also cheated on every one he's ever been with so i was A OK with not going out with that unfaithful son of a bitch.
his wife he's currently married to he's cheated on her a number of times too and she still took him back knowing that. i shook my head at why these women are all about him when he's not even attractive at all. he's just a scummy individual all around.
the married military guy was from the marines.
i will never commit to a military guy can't trust them. can't already trust men in general, but military guys even more. i applaud whoever can believe that a military spouse doesn't cheat and is still with them.
I've NEVER cheated on anyone, but 7 out of the 8 guys I've dated cheated on me... So there are a lot of girls out there who have absolutely no respect for relationships. They're just shallow people who like parading around in trashy clothing trying (& usually succeeding) to jump on anything that breathes.