Recently, I wrote an article about soulmates, who I'm not sure that I believe in. I do, however, believe in 'the one.' These sound like the same thing, but I consider them very different. You see,
'soulmate' implies that there is only one person for you in the world, and relies heavily on fate and destiny to get you to him or her.
But 'the one' suggests a degree of choice. I consider 'the one' to be whatever person I meet that I decide to spend the rest of my life with. That doesn't necessarily mean he is the only person in the world for me. It just means that I choose to be with him over all those who possibly are better matches.
I know that sounds a little confusing, and they are extremely similar. Basically, I think there is only one soulmate decided for you. But I think there are many "ones" in the world for you, and you just happen to pick one based on your life circumstances and, of course, your heart.
I'm sure this post will receive comments against marriage and about how people aren't meant to be in monogamous relationships. And maybe both of those arguments are true, but I still like and want monogamy and eventual marriage. So yes, I do believing in finding the one to spend the rest of my life with.
So my question to you, for all those folks who are married or just know is - how did you know when your S/O was the one?Image Source
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Comments (13)
I fell in love with her.
Are they "very different" or "extremely similar"?
To answer your question: Experience? I don't know... I got married when I was younger and thought she was "the one," but it didn't work out. Now I've been with someone else for a couple of years and she's more wonderful than a room full of kittens. The older, wiser me says that she is the one, though there's always a chance it will end at some point. I doubt it though.
There was a This American Life episode about Monogamy I listened to about a month ago that made me think seriously about the concept in a way I hadn't before.
Like most people I had it somewhere in the back of my head that it was important. It wasn't until I really considered what giving up on in it meant I realized just how important I think not just monogamy but on some level jealousy is to having happy and functional relationships. Does that mean that I think people should commit to one monogamous relationship for life? Not necessarily but I still like to think one can and should.
Is there some part of me that is afraid of the idea commitment though? Absolutely, I think if there wasn't that would worry me.
So, I would ask my mom this question when I was little and her answer was always, "I just knew." I hated that answer, because how could you simply just know? Shouldn't there be a reason? But now that I have met my boyfriend. I can only come up with one answer, "I just knew." I mean, he loves me, and he takes care of me, he makes me laugh, and I can really go on and on. But, I just knew because I knew. From the first moment I saw him, I just had this feeling that I was going to marry him, which sounds crazy, but it's true.
It takes a leap of faith. You have to trust another person with something so indescribable that most people just ambiguously refer to it as their heart. My brother was about to propose to his ex-girlfriend when he found out she was cheating on him. He had made the leap months before that; he fell in love with her without even knowing it. "How can you not know?" I naively asked. "There's no crescendo that is reached and you suddenly just find yourself in love. It's like watching a pot of water boil."
Personally, I believe to be able to find someone to call "the one" is amazing. They may mistreat us in the end, but for that time that we're in love, the sky is as colorful as the rainbow and our sorrows can be palliated by simply being near them; it's almost like life is perfect. You have to keep living, however, and each day with them is still perfect, until it's not.
This is kind of a futile question. Knowing that someone is "the one" is a gut feeling you can't explain in words. Like you've found your other half and that life would never be the same again if you two split up. The old saying is cliche but true, "you'll know when you'll know."
Like others have said, its a gut feeling... you'll know when you Know. And its not a wish in your head knowing, its just something you know... (its complicated?)
I met my husband when he came to visit a friend of his i was living with... We met on Wednesday, both of us knew almost right away that we are "meant to be".. and 15 months later we got married.. Its been almost 8 years now.
My advice? Don't rush it. It will happen when its supposed to.
It was a process. There was a moment I knew when he really did care, there was a moment when I realized the full extent of his commitment, and there was a moment when I realized that he was the best thing that would ever happen to me.
But I find the terms "soul mate" and "the one" to be trite and oversimplified and just flat-out not true most of the time.I'm not sure how it feels for someone to be "the one." Well, I'm not sure how it's supposed to feel. I think my boyfriend now is "the one." I don't think my life would ever be the same if him and I parted ways. I don't want to love anyone else the way I love him. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life. I know he feels the same. I know I'm young (21 years old), but I know what I want; I want him forever.
I think soul mates are people who try to steer you in the right direction; they share their wisdom with you. They don't necessarily have to be your boyfriend or your bestest friend, but someone who seems to help you out along the way, no matter where they are, or how close you guys are to each other (not distance but in relationship).
I just knew it when I saw her. No matter how many people I have met or will meet over the years, there's none that I love like her.
Can you change together? And still choose to be together, over and over and over, through decades of time, massive differences in living circumstances, life goals, and philosophies? People get married, on average, pretty close the age of 25. Consider how different a person is at 15 then they are at 25. What is to say that person will not have the same massive personality change that occurs throughout those ten years again at 35, 45, 85?
Frankly, I think you need to be together for a significant period of time (10 years or more) and go through significant hardships together... and still choose to be together. And you need to be able to embrace the underlying aspects of a person that go beyond their relationship resume. Until you can count a thousand different times they've made you smile, you can't call 'em "The One."
Too many times have I heard people (I'll stereotype... mostly females) start out talking about "The One" and then listing all the traits that person has... he has X job, he plays Y sport, he has Z abs, and we share the same taste in music. At some point in your future, he won't have that job, he won't play that sport, he won't have those abs, and he probably won't like that music anymore. Still want him, if everything about him has changed? As a rational, empirical person, I would find this suggestion ludicrous. As someone who loved a woman for more than 10 years, who watched her change careers, goals, ideals, hobbies, and survive the death of her parents... and loved her more and more every day... I can't explain it, but it exists.
Knowing that my boyfriend was "the one" was pretty complicated. Our relationship has been wonderful, thus far, and we've taken a grand journey to really learn who the other person is, inside and out. But, outside circumstances have been trying. Injuries, financial troubles, toxic people surrounding us. All of those things, though, have strengthened our bond.
Hm. I guess I just "knew" because of the way he makes me feel. I've loved before but everything I've experienced with "the one" was completely new. It makes me feel like the feelings I've had for my past guys weren't really love at all. I mean how could it be compared to the love I feel right now? I'm always reduced to being shy and awkward around him and every kiss, hug, etc feels like I'm only just experiencing it for the first time ever.
Yikes, how corny. I've always hated corny and mushy stuff but I can't figure out a better way to explain, haha.