Recently, I've started spending time with an ex from about a year ago. We had a pretty nasty on/off relationship that we were never really able to find closure with. He started trying to win me back after breaking up with a girl named Nicki, and I soon began to like him again. However, after Nicki was dumped by her new man, she went running back to him and he dropped me like a fly.
I was determined that was the end of things but after a short while, they fizzled out and he was after me again. I know this sounds like something out of Jerry Springer, but bear with me! The past few weeks he's tried incredibly hard, doing everything right and I was finally beginning to fall for him... until he slept with someone else.
I was really upset considering the amount of chances he's had. However, after seeing how genuinely upset he was today, I have no idea what to do. The last few weeks with him have been so fun I don't know if I'm ready to give it up?
Surely there's something there if our messy relationship has lasted this long? Or am I ring taken for a fool?
Please help!
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Comments (25)
I really have no idea how you don't know what to do after all that he did to you. DROP HIS ASS, MOVE ON, AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN WHEN HE TRIES TO COME BACK. What makes you think he won't do it again if you keep letting him do it again?
*edited*
*phew* Okay. Although you two weren't together while he did these things, his actions seem like it would affect your relationship in the long run. It's best not to get involved with him anymore if you want to avoid drama and heartbreak.
I was in a similar situation where I would still allow this guy to come into my life now and again, but it wasn't over a third party. Just arguments that were worked out. If someone else is in the picture and comes between us, I don't ever give him another chance, but because he's been only hanging out with me for the past three years and the stuff we argue about isn't to the point where I shouldn't talk to him again though when I became emotional I said I never wanted to talk to him again, it's some things I can forgive him for. I will never forgive him if he drops me for someone else and tries to crawl back.
i agree with the guest above me. im a guy, too. if you let me come running back to you, i'll just screw you, screw with you, and screw you some more (physically, mentally, then physically) because you let me. If you like that, then sure. Green light means go.
And red light means stop.
You're totally living in endless yellow.
he's using both girls as rebounds. if you enjoy the drama for whatever odd reason because some people actually think fighting cures boredom and spices up the relationship, then keep at it. if not, leave. it sounds like that's his half assed attempt than "trying incredibly hard" if he sleeps with someone else so quickly. but since you like him, then you're biased and think he's trying hard because he knows that you'll give him another chance despite his flimsy efforts. he doesn't seem ready for a serious relationship. I think some of these people are afraid of being alone, so they need to jump from relationship to relationship just to be with someone that they don't really care about nor respect enough to consider their feelings.
What do you want from the forum? Some kind of epiphany that explains his reaction and also proves that he still loves you and always has? He has left you three times for two different women! How is that NOT the deal breaker? You know how you find closure? In my opinion, one of two ways:
1) Have a serious talk with him, but you HAVE to remove all of your emotions from the conversation. You need facts such as "Why did you leave me." Don't settle for shit like, "I was confused." Because only idiots and players say that.
2) If you can't have a serious talk with him without swooning, then settle for the fact that he's not good for you and just stop talking to him.
I'm sorry if I sound peeved, but I don't like cheaters and you're obviously so blinded by rose-tinted goggles that it frustrates me - you remind me so much of myself.
are you serious? how many times does he have to cheat on you/drop you for you to get that HE WILL NEVER STOP DOING THIS?! btw, he's not going to be the only guy in the world that makes you happy. and he's using you as a rebound. and who cares if he's genuinely upset. he deserves it.
Sorry to be harsh, but you're being an idiot and you're setting yourself up for heartbreak when he runs off with Nicki again or when he jumps into bed with someone else. LEAVE HIM. Have some self-respect for crying out loud.
You pointed it out that its a messy relationship. Truly, no matter what kind of advice we (the viewers) say, it's you who's going to decide if you can tolerate this kind of behaviour from him. Your setting yourself for heart-break; if someone truly likes you, they wouldn't do this to you.
I agree with most of the responses from this blog, just leave him. I was in a similar situation, I let him hurt me, and every single time he leaves, I would ponder when's the next time I could see him, I would get jealous knowing that he's touching another girl while I'm sitting here waiting to get whatever scraps he's willing to give me. And you know what, you deserve something consistent/better. I realized from my own experience, you got to take a step back and think, how long can I do this for? I can't do this with this person forever, he's wasting my time, and I'm being an idiot in letting him play with my feelings.
Sometimes you have to let go the things you fought so hard for. You want to believe that this person is the best for you but if your crying more than your smiling, it's time to let go. If you go back with this person, it's going to be the same old shit again. And your missing out on the things infront of you if you stick with the bad.
I feel like he will continue to hurt you, and he will do so because you keep letting him back in. It's really your call.
@bokunokuukan@xanga - so true,,,
D-R-O-P HIM! If you don't, you're just setting yourself up for more heartbreak and you'll only have yourself to blame....
fool
i have a rule for nasty relationships, if it doesn't work the 1st time around, what makes it work the 2nd or 3rd time around. it's time to move on. i've been in those kind of relationships too myself and no one of them have been successful.
He is a snake who has bitten you a number of times. Move on. There are many other fishes in the sea. If you stay with him, I foresee much heartache. RUN !!!!
gosh don't be stupid. why pity him -.-
It seems like you're just living for the moments when the relationship goes right, so that you don't have to be alone. It's not worth it, and there's nothing there but drama.
I was in the same situation with my ex for 3 years. We would both be in relationships and still keep in contact but while he was with his girlfriend, he would not talk to me at all until they broke up and then he would finally feel the need to speak to me, but my arms were always wide open to him all the time which evidently, lead to problems within my own relationships. So basically, yes, it is unfair that you're sitting in the backseat while he's the driver, but in all honesty, this is probably just a phase, so don't make it a lifestyle. I'm with a guy that I have been with for over a year and I am really happy with him and when my ex does try to talk to me, it's a lot easier for me to say NO now and ignore him. What you need to do, is decide whether this is just going to stay a phase until you get over it, which hopefully is only a couple of months, OR, if you're going to make this a lifestyle and allow him to do this to you for the continuing years. Don't waste 3 years like I did. You've heard this before, so I'll say it again, there are many fish in the sea, but you hooked this one out a while ago, so there really isn't any reason why he should be on your line again.
I suggest you run..and run away..FAST! jk Hm..it's always really messy when dealing with an ex (especially when there is no real closure..and when there's still lingering feelings. oy!) I've been in that situation before. It gets incredibly hard when the sparks are evidently still there, and when you have so much history together. But..the fact that he keeps see-sawing from you to another should already send red flags. He seems to be stringing you along because he knows that you're willing to give him a chance. He'll see what options are out there first before really deciding whether he really wants to be with you. Sorry, that's just how I see it from what you presented. My ex was doing that to me, and I foolishly waited around for him..for that day when he'll know for sure that I'm The One, while he was talking and messing around with two other females. Welll, I'm glad that day never came. I've found someone special who didn't see me like an option. I hope you find peace and not become a heartbroken fool.
He lost you 1 time, 2 times, 3 times, and all the times he comes back but would leave soon again. He will never stay. He's not committed to you, he's more committed to his own happiness and pleasure than anything/anyone else.
If you just can't end things with him, then you should talk to him. Tell him to stop messing around and stay true to only you if he really loves you and hopes to win you back. See if he will change after you tell him so. If he does, maybe he does deserve a longer observation or even a chance, if not, please move on.
hugs**
Get rid of him; when he left you for his ex that was the time to move on. Forget this loser.
get rid of him!
I've been in that situation and sorry lady but hes just around until he find something better.Which is stupidity because if you've put up with this much of his bull, he should realize you're a keeper.My ex and I played this game for the past 2 years, and well something will always be there, but like me, you deserve someone who see's your worth and doesn't put you threw this. When a guy is seeing someone and they sleep with someone else, they are fully aware that it could end things with current girl, they just dont care.Leave him.
You need to try seeing other people. You have feelings for him, congratulations, but he obviously doesn't respect you. Keep this cycle up and he'll finally fool you long enough to get you into bed, then you might find yourself with an STD. I'm not trying to be dramatic, that outcome seems to be realistic enough as you've already told us about his disgusting behavior. He keeps you as a back up, you are better than that. CUT HIM OFF, then move on. I emphasize on CUT HIM OFF!!!!
Sometimes we have to make our own mistakes - learn things on our own to realize what works out in the end. It's sadly trial and error. You should really think about what'll make you happy.. knowing that you can give this person a second chance given the things he's put you through or move on and give another guy a chance - a guy who will see how special you really are and wont mess up.