Naturally, you worry about how things will go with the initial meeting. Wondering how they'll embrace you. Thinking of how the conversation will flow and if they'll have an opinion on you that may influence your significant other. The same things that cloud your thoughts when meeting his parents for the first time. It's reminiscent of going on several school interviews and wondering if you'll get your acceptance letter in the mail.
But remember,
the fact that he's even introducing you to his friends is a big deal in itself. Although he may be seeking their approval, it's more to show you off as the person he's proud to flaunt and include into every aspect of his life. Men don't talk as openly as women when it comes to the specifics of their relationships. They're not as critical or judgmental either, so there's no need to put on a façade as if you're being interviewed. Taking the more relaxing approach is your best bet. Though, being nervous is an understandable emotion.
In a past
Glamour issue, they stated the '9 Rules for Winning Over a Guy's Friends' with do's and don'ts:
- Stick to the basics, keeping the conversation simple and straight forward; therefore appearing less nervous.
- Keep the information your boyfriend reveals about them to yourself! Don't be the reason for the breaking of brotherhood bond.
- Keep the PDA and nicknames to a minimum or nonexistent. Avoid making them feel uncomfortable.
- Control your alcohol intake. No one likes an uncontrollable drunk.
- Keep the verbal sparring out of the expense of your man, to avoid doing any damage control later.
- Actually listen to his friends' jokes; don't just laugh to laugh.
- Remember that guys have female friends too. Get to know them.
- Don't over analyze his friends and start comparing them to him.
- Enjoy yourself, but don't jump ahead of yourself. They just met you, save the trip planning for months down the line.
Now, 2-5 and 7-9 I actually agree with. The others may make you come off too much like someone you're not.
One thing the magazine failed to list, which I'm putting as #1 and making it a list of 10, is BE YOURSELF! Your s/o obvious has no problem with the person you are, so why change it? When being introduced to ANYONE I'm usually more shy than normal and on guard, to catch a feel for them. I've met friends of exes. None have ever curved the direction of my relationship at the time. That usually happened on its own.
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Comments (9)
I wouldn't say I completely dreaded meeting the friends of my boyfriend, but I was a little nervous at first. I haven't met all of his friends because he has become more involved in our relationship than his relationship with his friends. I feel bad about it and I tell him all the time to go hangout with them, but he always says that I'm his priority. Luckily, he keeps contact with his dearest friends; I met them already
I'm happy in that aspect.
I generally hate meeting my girlfriends' friends. When I'm with her, I want to be with her, not her friends. And when I'm with my friends, I want to be with them, not my girlfriend. I think most people don't enjoy it when their friends' significant others tag along, so I try to avoid bringing mine.
I've seriously dated very few guys, but with my ex when I met his friends they liked me for the most part. They thought I was too shy, but I think my ex might have been saying that because those were his thoughts. I have no problem meeting friends, parents, etc because most people like me. The only complaint I ever get is that I'm shy, but it is what it is and that is slowly beginning to change, too.
my bf's friends are his family. so yes, it was a big deal. and my bf has a mixed group of friends, both in age, race, sex, etc., who are all considered very close to him (not just aquaintances). meeting them for his bday dinner was extremely nerve wrecking bc he's talked so much about them to me. i didn't have an expectation, but i was more nervous bc of the fact that i wasn't sure if i'd fit in or if they'd like me. i didn't let it stop me from just doing whatever it was that i normally did or say. i was completely myself, and definitely was open to everyone.
it was even better because he has a great group of friends who were completely open to me and super friendly. when he told me he had great friends, he really meant it. the next few times we drove to the bay to meet them, i wasn't nervous and was more than willing to assist him. he loves inviting me to his friends' get-togethers because it's also what you mentioned, a show-off factor. not saying im up to par, but i'd like to say i feel confident in being who i am. and i think he loves that.
yes, just be yourself. and if you're as lucky as me, then it's gonna be a piece of cake!
Number 7 was a hard one for one of my exes to understand. She tried to ban me from hanging out with my female friends.
As for meeting friends, sure, it's a little nerve wrecking making sure you say the right things or whatever (because I get those feelings too), but I think as the hang out progresses, when you start to initiate conversation and get to know them better, it will get better in the end. Be yourself, be relaxed, be quirky, and just have a good time.
I've met a few of my bf's close friends before we started dating so it wasn't too bad. The ones I met after we started dating were pretty nerve wrecking to say the least. One thing my bf kept stressing was that he couldn't date someone who didn't get along with all of his friends so it put a lot of pressure on me. He also said he couldn't date someone who can't be comfortable in a group of strangers. I tend to be really quiet around strangers so I was very nervous about my first meeting with one of his best friends and her family. It got so bad the first opportunity I had to meet them, I faked to be sick and stayed home. Fortunately it went really well when I finally met them. Her kids loved me so I played with them the whole time. Now that's out of the way I feel so much better.
I've never done this yet, but I can def. relate to the nerve wracking feeling of this, even just thinking about it. Then again, I'm a nervous person who's just nervous all the time.
i've met most of my boyfriend's friends, including his female friends. i like most of them and can tolerate the others. haven't really met anyone that has made me dislike them for some reason. however the thing i don't get is the fact that my boyfriend doesn't seem interested in meeting any of my friends. he said he "doesn't need other people because i've got my own people" and "i just don't like other guys." which is confusing to me cause he's normally the friendliest person ever when we go out. idk it's weird. so it's been somewhat positive, somewhat negative.
Now, 2-5 and 7-9 I actually agree with. The others may make you come off too much like someone you're not
#6 is "Actually listen to his friends' jokes; don't just laugh to laugh."
You think that makes you come across like someone you're not? Did you misread it and skip the negative? Laughing just to laugh is the fake.
Agreed on #1 being a fake though. Ditch that one entirely and replace it with "be yourself". Those two are mutually exclusive anyway.