We all have that friend whom we think will complement another friend perfectly. It could be their personalities, similarities, hobbies, whatever. Just something that they both give off that makes you see them as a good match. But you take precaution because you don't want to be the one responsible for any possible casualties that can result from you wanting to play matchmaker.
I've been that friend, on both ends. When you see that a chemistry is forming between acquaintances you figure, why not?! It'll be good fun to see if anything can blossom from this. So you play the voice of reasoning as to why the chance should be taken. A date, drinks, or intellectual conversation on personal levels never hurt. But you never really factor in that CHANCE.
You're taking a big one. Though, you can't really be held responsible after you push that button to get things rolling between the hookup, you're sure to be the ear for the aftermath. Both will more than likely come to you complaining about the other. Maybe even blaming you because you introduced them in the first place. This could make for awkward gatherings. The space and division may even get wider. But this is the chance you take when you see compatibility between your friends.
Now, there are cases where there's no love lost. People should be grown enough to let go and move on. But, you never know how far people can take things when emotions are involved. That's the point when you learn to mind your business and stay out of theirs
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Have you ever been set up with a friend of a friend that didn't work out? Have you ever been the one doing the set-ups? Did you receive backlash when things didn't go as planned?
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Comments (15)
I wont play cupid, have had too many unintentional occassions that went wrong. I had a friend that I didn't want to date the other (because one of them was a player and both of them were flirtascious personalities) and they ended up getting married and are totally toxic.
One time I was asked to be matchmaker, it didn't work out and now both of them are butt hurt over it. ;/
Late last year, I was set up on a date with a coworker of one of my close friends. We got along great, but it didn't work out. Personally, I feel like we were both very cordial about it; my friend set us up and that's all she did - I feel no reason to blame her for whatever faults that may have developed between me and that girl.
Maybe I'm a little harsh in this piece of opinion, but I feel like it would take someone extremely immature and needy to blame their cupid for whatever inconsistencies their match and themselves had. We're grown men and women - we should be able to say "She just wasn't right for me" without debasing our friends.
I introduced my friend to someone, and they've been together for years. I probably wouldn't do it again though.
My boyfriend and I were set up by some friends, and it worked out wonderfully! :)
I don't really like setting people up - mostly because whoever does the match-making inevitably gets the blame when one party is left distraught and broken hearted.
I would never blame anyone for my relationship failing. After all, I love meeting people through other people because you can kind of trust that, at least more than the roulette of finding dates through the bar or internet.
If someone did try to blame me for their break-up, I would simply say, "Listen, I may be responsible for setting you up, but just as I'm not responsible for the many amazing times you had during your relationship, I am also not responsible for breaking your heart." Then I'd inform them that if they ever wanted me to set them up again, they would drop it now. It's perfectly fine to be angry or depressed, but not at the people who are there for you. You can rant and rave and I will listen all you want but don't you dare try and blame me for things I can't control.
I don't play Cupid. If I had two friends I thought would hit it off and both had asked me to help them, then I might consider it, but otherwise, I'll just introduce friends if I think they have the potential to be close friends. I figure that if something romantic is going to happen between them, I don't need to formally "set them up," and it avoids a fair amount of unpleasant encounters in the long run.
@Awake_My_Soul420@xanga - As usual, something about your comment in particular generally pisses me off.
"You can rant and rave and I will listen all you want but don't you dare try and blame me for things I can't control."
You can make demands all you want but don't you dare deny fault if things don't work out the way everyone wanted them to and you actively prevented me from controlling things that I otherwise could have controlled.
If the matchmaker can't be blamed for things going wrong, they sure as hell aren't entitled to act as a referee and break things up if they start to go wrong (and yes, it happens all the time).
More often, the problem I see is that responsibility is OVERWHELMINGLY taken off of one of the two people involved and passed around until "it's no one's fault".
Oh, unless of course you refuse to allow things to fail, in which case ALL of the blame gets fucking thrown at you whether you're right or wrong for doing so because your relationship is somehow everybody else's business but your own.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - ....Do you just sit on xanga and troll Lovelyish to respond to every fucking comment you don't agree with? And what, now I'm not allowed to post my opinion?! You are an idiot. I don't even understand why that line would piss you off. I'm not talking about trying to break up a relationship or trying to keep it back together. If a friend wants to be set up and they ask me to do it, it is not my fault if their relationship ends. What I was saying is, my friend could vent to me (like friends often do) if she wants to but I'm not taking the blame. That's all the "control" that I want to have over the relationship, the rest of it is up to them and not me. But keep talking out of your ass and making a fool of yourself, it's pretty amusing.
i dont think itsa good idea.cause afer youve fixed that person up.you could end up liking that person maybe.
@Awake_My_Soul420@xanga - "Do you just sit on xanga and troll Lovelyish to respond to every fucking comment you don't agree with?"
No. I sit on Xanga and troll Datingish to respond to every fucking comment that is incorrect because it seems like on Datingish nobody likes to admit when they are wrong.
You are absolutely allowed to post your opinion. In-fact, please do. I enjoy it.
I didn't intentionally set people up, but it was a backlash because it happened every time I introduced my guy friends to one of my girl friends and I was getting pissed off about it. Like seriously, what if I liked these guys and wanted something with them in the future? Most of these guys I introduced her to started messing around with her and I'm not gonna touch a guy that's been with someone I used to be really close to.
I won't set up my guy friends with girls. I don't have a lot of guy friends and most the guys I am friends with have had feelings for me in the past whether they be mutual or not. It just seems awkward to me to be like 'hey, I know we used to like each other and there's still attraction there when we hang out, BUT meet my friend and date her'. If they happen to meet and hit it off then that's great, but I don't want to do any setting up. My co-worker set me up with one of her clients (we work in a hair salon and I'm the receptionist). He was really sweet and we got along really well, but I just wasn't into him and he was trying to rush a relationship. He's 32 and I'm 22. We are at very different places in life. I had told him from the beginning that if we didn't work out I didn't want him to stop going to his stylist and he agreed. We went on only two dates and now he doesn't come back in. I'm against setting up at this point haha. I'm all for just meeting my own guys.
I mind my own business. If it's meant to be between mutual friends of mine, then it will find a way - without my nose in their business.
I don't want to deal with the backlash if things go wrong, I don't want to lose friends & most importantly? As stated, I don't feel it's my right/business to go poking around in something as personal as a friends love life.
No havnt been set up (thank GOD!) and I wont set anyone up.