Earlier today, I met a friend for lunch. This lunch ended up including my friend, her boyfriend, two other couples I'd never met before, and me.
Sure, it was a little awkward. But they were all very nice people and lunch went quite smoothly.
There was just one tiny thing that bothered me. One of the girlfriends kept referring to herself and her boyfriend as "we." As in, "We like Sprite. We love baseball. We don't want dessert."
I HATE when people do that.
In the back of my head, I recognize that this is completely irrational. I'd never met these people before, and I assume that they both really did like Sprite and baseball and didn't want dessert.
But I hate when couples use the word "we" too much. It's as if they've turned into an amorphous blob of togetherness and are no longer able to form their own opinions about anything.
I hate when a boyfriend uses the word 'we.' I don't mind if he tells a friend that "we" went to the movies last night. But it bothers me if he says "we" love Korean food, even if it's true. I'd much rather he say "she and I," or even "we both." i need that verbal assertion of my independence. I may love you, but only I speak for me.
How do you feel about using the word "we" in relationships?
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Comments (19)
I think it's silly to have that much hate towards the word "we", but I do understand what you mean. I think using "we" is fine if both openly show that they like the same things. But to use it in a decision, like ordering drinks, when one partner wanted something else and then they start bickering, well, that takes it a bit far.
True say.
Fascinating.
I think it's fine. Being single and independent is nice, but it's also nice to imagine being part of a "we." You feel included. You feel loved.
I kind of agree with that assesment. Being in a couple with someone shouldn't mean you give up your individual identities.
Actually, I read that a study from UCB shows that couples who use "we" more than "I" are more likely to have a longer lasting relationship
news article
original study
it doesn't bother me too much. it's just a natural way of saying things.
@superGchik@xanga - When I started reading this I thought the same thing at first. I mean, it didn't strike me as anything more than the poster being annoyed by the repetitive use of the word, but it kind of hit me when I read:
"I don't mind if he tells a friend that "we" went to the movies last night. But it bothers me if he says "we" love Korean food, even if it's true."
In the sentence "we went to the movies last night", "we" is used in a way that is 'purely factual' in the sense that it describes a situation that happened and is not subject to change.
In the sentence "we love Korean food", "we" describes both a situation and the other person who is subject to change. I never noticed anyone using it excessively in this way, but I can definitely see how it could be bothersome.
I can't stand "we both" because it is redundant. I don't like "she and I" either. it should be "my girlfriend and I." that can get annoying if you keep repeating it, so "we" will do. I prefer "we" over "the hubz" or "the girlfriend." pet names like "babe" the pig is really repulsive. I know it means a sexy woman, but I can't hear the word, babe, and not think of a pig. it would be preferable if the person just said the other person's name. my bf calls me by my cute pet name. we have bigender nicknames for each other even though we're both straight. we're weird and like it. he knows that I secretly want to be a guy and have my own natural born penis. I told him that I want to smack things with it if I had one of my own. he wasn't freaked out. he might secretly want to be a woman or he'd like to know what it would be like to be a hot girl, who gets hit on by lots of guys. so we secretly want to be the opposite sex and still remain straight because we'd be together and I'd be the hot guy and he'd be the hot girl. "we" have a freaky friday fantasy of wanting to switch places with the other.
Honestly, none of my friends do that and I've never had a seriously long term relationship, so I can't say that I've done that myself. It does sound like something irksome though because when I talk to a person, despite their S/O being there or not, I would still like to get to know them as a person instead of "one half a relationship".
I always say "(significant others name) and I" whether i'm saying we went to the movies or if we both like pizza. I think that somehow gives us seperate identities.
If I'm describing something that happened, I'll say "we", as in "we went to the movies" or "we went out for dinner last night", but other than that, I just use our names.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - This is so funny because I've never thought of that before but it should be "both she and I" instead of "we both". Haha very nice grammar trolling! ;]
Well.. similarly, the "our" word is also slightly fun to talk about, hehe. I asked my gf where she found something and she said "in our bed" and my first instinct was to say "OUR bed? You mean YOUR bed" but I didn't. I'm not sure if she was testing me or looking for me to correct her, but I definitely wanted to. We're no where close to moving in with each other, so it was just very very odd and I wasn't 100% comfortable with it. Gotta figure out a way to confront it lol
Different strokes for different folks. ;) But I share the same opinion as @laytexduckie@xanga personally. It just sounds like a waste of energy to construe the essence of "we" with disdain.
My boyfriend and I say "we". I don't really see the big deal as long as each person is okay with it. After spending 6 years of my life with someone, he and I became a "we". I don't really care if it bothers other people, it's our relationship. Not theirs.
I can see where you are coming from.
But in all honesty? People probably just use "we" a lot, when one is talking to someone or a group of people due to laziness aha. It takes more time & effort to say "She & I love ice cream!" When a simple "WE love ice cream" would suffice. I wouldn't take it so much as they want to obliterate their lovers opinions etc as I would that it's just an easier way of saying that you both enjoy the same things. Also, it's not like she/he would be saying "we this we that" when in actuality their lover doesn't enjoy or like the things they're saying in a unity of togetherness.
"I may love you, but only I speak for me."
^ This.