I'm a big fan of words, so when I discovered WTF Fun Fact # 133 I simply had to share it with all Datingish readers: as well as ask the question ... Are you Anuptaphobic? I've many friends who definitely fall into this dating category. They all got their first boyfriend around the age of 12, and their life has thus been defined by a succession of break ups and get togethers that could probably make a pretty good reality TV show. Which got me thinking.
Is Anuptaphobia just a slightly quirky way of saying "I can't be alone?" I've never understood people that date for the sake of having a human pillow at night. Sure, I get the "body contact and it's just nice to be wanted" crap but relationships are work ... and I know I don't want to be doing relationship work when I don't give a flying frog about someone.
Now I see the error of my ways. In wake of being educated by Tumlr's WTF Fun Fact # 133 I now realize that my friends aren't needy, they are simply suffering from a diagnosable condition. All that investment in relationships that are never going to go anywhere is suddenly explainable. Sort of.
Are you Anuptaphobic? Do you know one?
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Nope. But I know a LOT of people who are. Our society fosters and nurtures this phobia in many ways.
"I've never understood people that date for the sake of having a human pillow at night."
It's kind of sad you think of cuddling as a desire to have a human pillow. Looking at it from an evolutionary standpoint, I think it's more likely that one party evolved the desire to be the other's human shield when the other party is not fully alert and at their most vulnerable.
Now that we have law enforcement and other preoccupations that keep people from taking whatever they want, whenever they want, I can easily see why some people might feel like relationships are "work".
I know people who are very much afraid of being single. It's pretty sad.
I'm afraid of staying single, but I stay single.
No, I'm trypanophobic. I think that phobia is more than sufficient.
Besides, considering that I can't get a date if my life depended on it, I would be in serious trouble if I did have it.
I don't have that phobia. I have a fear of armpit odor. I was on the escalator when a whiff of stank infused my nostrils
I could just move backwards a few steps, but I have a fear of falling down an escalator. I resolved this by staying at least 4 escalator steps away from people when I first arrive. however, I can't stop someone from standing close behind me and reeking of disgust in this humid weather and not wearing deodorant
I remember when I was little, I was scared of the loneliness of living, of growing up, and of the weight of living by yourself. I still have that fear were I would be 30 or 40 without a significant other, but it has been palliated some by the presence of my friends. I've learned to live by myself in sense, but learning to walk with leg braces doesn't exactly mean you want to have it for the rest of your life. Humans are social beings and in our heart, we need someone to empathize with us in order to maintain our sanity. That's what I believe I guess.
In recent times, I've come to question our matrimonial practices too. Our society sort of dictates that marriage is the ultimate end-all, be-all of relationships. That if you're in a serious relationship for half a decade, you have to get married to maintain the enticement of a relationship.
Just because it has a name doesn't make it a diagnosable condition... though you were probably being factitious. @WyrdKismet has the right idea, I think... being afraid of singleness doesn't mean you can't stay single. That's what friends are for... not having to face your fears alone. Or willpower. There's a word of the day... look up Kismet. There's thousands of years of cultural development and planning behind that word.
@wyrdkismet@xanga - You just took the words out of my mouth!
Why find someone just for the sake of "not staying single"? The feeling of loneliness doesn't go away just cos you've got someone close by/next to you to hold you through the night.Why is it sad that there are people afraid of being single? The basic human function is to procreate and in order to do so we depend upon the opposite sex... thats first off. Secondly, who are you guys to say whats right and whats wrong about other people's wants & and needs. I'm all about everyone being entitled to their own opinions but its not like we're discussing a killer or pedophile here that everyone is sitting there saying "oh its so sad, its so pathetic". So there are people out there who can't deal with being single & to them its better to have someone then no one at all... big fucking deal lol
I'm offended by this post. I have a desire to be with someone and I'm afraid I'll end up alone. Way to be judgemental...
I certainly don't have that
That's the wisest thing I've read in a long time. Relationships are work, especially when you don't care about someone. That's why people spend their lives being miserable, going from person to person. They'll just date anyone, just because they're afraid of being alone.
I don't think it is just a quirky way of saying you can't be alone.
That said I don't think I know anyone who has that phobia. I know people who don't want to be alone, and want someone to cuddle at night or some company during the day. That is normal- it's our or at least some people's nature. I'm more like "why be in a relationship if it's superficial", but not everyone is and you may as well ask "why be physically alone if you don't have to?" I also know people who end things soon because they are selfish and then look for the next fuck buddy.
And people who are worried they'll end up alone, but they are still not phobic.
If someone stays in a relationship that may also be a sign of anuptaphobia...they work through problems they could run away from just because they don't want to be alone.
Of course it exists, but usually, unless a person suffers from it, they don't have a mental illness. If they have panic attacks because of it, avoid social interaction that might remind them of being alone, think everyone is the love of their lives or stay with someone who beats them black and blue they could possibly have it.
Use big words correctly if you do (this goes to commenters not the OP). You can't go and judge everyone who doesn't lead yourlifestyle, even when you don't like it. The only person who can answer it is the person in question themselves.
I think what everyone criticizes is the quick replacing of partners and lack of commitment, but I thnk that has to do with a wrong perception of romance rather than the fear of being lonely.
I think everyone goes through a phase like this (where they can't stand to be alone) after breaking up with a long-time S.O. When you're with someone for a long time and suddenly are without them, it feels wrong not having someone with you all the time.
I'm going through it right now, actually. I guess some people just never get past it, though.
Wonder how these things get "diagnosed"; did a group of psychologists coin this term?
I'm not one but I know of people who are...