It's become a recent phenomenon amongst women, a movement if you will, where women are embracing their natural hair and ridding themselves of the chemical damages of relaxers. Some are even going as far as no longer sporting weaves, wigs, or clip-ons. YouTube is flooded with videos for women of all races willing to help with your transformation. But throughout this whole process, not much is asked of the opinion of the men who see them after the transformation.
I've personally never had a relaxer and only wore a weave for my high school prom and college graduation. So, I don't know the freedom so many women bathe in when they no longer have to go through this process of beautifying themselves. But, from several questions, I was surprised at how many men actually pay close attention to how women wear their hair.
I got quite specific when I asked a friend of mine his thoughts on relaxers, weaves, wigs and hair in its natural state:
Are you currently in a relationship?
No, completely single.
When you look for a woman who interests you physically, how much of a factor does the state of her hair play?
"As far as...is it done? Or if it's hers or not?"
Specifically, if it's hers, a weave, wig, or if she's natural.
"Oh okay! Well, I personally will notice only if it's not done because it shows how much she cares about her appearance. But, typically, I'm more attracted to a woman who doesn't wear weaves. Whether it's a perm or not, that doesn't really bother me. But I'd prefer her to not have a weave or added things along the way."
Why is that? What does her hair have to do with your attraction?
"It's not so much that it has to do with the attraction. I could be attracted to the bum on the street, just because I liked her smile when she asked me for change. It's more about her being comfortable with herself. I've noticed too many women need things to hide behind in order to feel good enough to walk outside their doors. It's not just hair, it's makeup as well. I'd rather see you in your natural beauty. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the wanting to dress up and feel good about yourself. But not to the point where you're not recognizable. The rest is just extra."
Well there you have it ladies. I've wondered about this for quite some time and needed to hear a man's perspective. This is just ONE man of course. I know other men who couldn't care less either way.
But do you agree with him?
Are weaves, clip-ons, etc. just an addition to hinder a woman's beauty or a way that most use to enhance it? Should men care what you do with your hair?
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Comments (16)
Whether a man cares or not, it should be of no consequence to you. Unless, of course, you're looking at marriage as the quickest way to financial security, then yes, you might want to take into consideration what men think about female beauty. (Usually, though, many women who do that tend to wrap up their sentiments with Disney movies and Jane Austen so as to make it appear more morally palatable... but I digress.)
So, you should ask yourself - is a relationship or marriage necessary to your happiness and well-being? If it is, you may want to consider what men feel about beauty. You shouldn't have to pander to them and ingratiate yourselves, but you can't catch the fish you want without the right lure, correct?
love the india arie reference. i could tell you wrote this post just by the title.
anyway, i'm of the opposite opinion. i have no idea what a weave or a clip-on is (i know what extensions are), but i'm pretty sure i love all of it. i heard once that guys are into thick, shiny hair because it's a biological signal of youthfulness and fertility, much like curvy hips, big tits, luscious lips, etc. (though i personally don't put much stock in theories of evolutionary biology). i have the same opinion about make-up too. all hot, provided it's done right, of course. i interviewed one chick a few months ago who had waaaaaay too much make-up on. she was 22. that's fucking inexcusable after your freshman year of college.
if your friend is looking for hot bums, by the way, a few years ago i saw this unbelievably gorgeous bum a few blocks south of columbus circle. she was maybe 19 or so and her homeless person sign said "need tampons and weed".
A big part of what makes a man attracted to you is the way you look whether you like it or not. Of course men pay attention to the way you dress, do your hair, make-up etc. It's my experience that men want women that are comfortable in their own skin whether they are dolled up or not.
I don't think men should care about what women do with my hair to the point it is a topic of daily conversation. If my hair was a big issue for some guy, he would be free to go find another woman with the hair of his dreams.
I would have to say that when a man tries to run his hand in your hair, it is quite not sexy to find where the extensions are applied. My hair is natural, but either way, a woman should choose to style/add to their hair (or they apply their makeup, clothes they choose to wear) as they see fit. But on the same note, a man has a right his preferences. How he likes to see a woman's hair is no different whether a man prefers a woman with long legs and large breasts, or whatever combination of features he has an appreciation for. From the sound of it, it seems like your friend would just prefer a woman to be herself and not try to "fix" what she doesn't have but to make the most of it.
It's really that simple.
I think the only person that matters when it comes to what you look like is you. What makes you feel beautiful? If it's weaves, wigs, extensions, hair-clips, yarn falls, dreads, scrunchies, hair goop or whatever it is that you use, then just go for it. If it's all natural, do that then. Just make yourself happy and the rest is what it is. If someone doesn't like what you have on, there's plenty of other people around for them to talk to. Their opinion doesn't matter because you're the one that lives with it.
hairstyle, hair texture, and/or amount of hair does play a part in attraction. I like lush locks of hair. as for the style, it depends. I'll know when I see him. I like anything from dreadlocks like jack sparrow, a mini ponytail as seen on the kpop star, taecyeon, to robert pattinson's messy hair or just refer to johnny depp for various hairstyles that are just sexy, but not everyone can pull off the long hair. case by case basis.
All I need is conditioner...lots and lots of conditioner
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - lol you're hilarious and I see what you mean, he'll agree with you. I'll tell him about the 19-year-old. She might be a little young, but the women he knows with homes seem to be doing nothing for him. Time to switch it up.
I do nothing to my hair but wash, condition, and comb it out. No hair spray, no gel, no leave-in stuff, no blow dryers, no flat irons, no curlers... absolutely nothing. I get a lot of compliments on my hair. Guys like to play with it, even complete strangers have touched my hair in line at the freaking grocery store.
I don't care that men like my hair, I still wouldn't do anything with it. lol But I think women way, way over do it all these days.
Recent creepy conversation at Del Taco:
Man: Is that all your own hair?
Me: Uh, what?????
Man: Is that all your own hair?
Me: (Oh, did he ask me that) Uh... yeah???
Man: Oh, you never know who has weaves these days. It's beautiful hair.
Me: Thank you, it's all mine... hair and color.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - lol You are so silly.
There are some men out there that do appreciate a woman for her personality, not just her looks. Don't be silly. I used to get asked out all the time when I didn't have makeup on, didn't do anything to my hair and wore glasses. Sometimes being a smart, fun girl wins guys over too, duh!
I wore no makeup the day I got married the first time.
I thought women only did things like that to keep up with other women. It's a contest to see who is the prettiest, and the man is the unspoken judge.
Should he care? Well, sure. My hair is part of how I look, and guys care how we look, especially if they are interested.
Do they hinder our beauty? No. Not unless they are badly done or left in too long.
I personally wear braids because I like them. My hair can be the length I want and the color I want without putting any chemicals in it or spending years growing it out. Braids also mean having get-up-and-go hair for months and being able to work out or swim without having to spend hours washing and styling it afterward.
I've talked to many guys who say they like my natural hair better, but they aren't the ones who have to get up and style it every day, so I wear it how I want. Braids ftw.
Also, love that India.Arie song.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - hey hey now. lay off the disney movies. :P
Hair does matter, in so much as how you view
yourself.For example I love ginger hair so I bleached my jet black asian hair to a light auburn. It matches my light complexion well and makes me feel good about myself. But in regards to how men view you, it will matter at first (among the casual dating scene) but when you get more serious with the relationship it shouldn't matter at all what texture, color or type of hair you have because all the superficial attraction factors shouldn't be determine your value as a person and partner to your significant other. You'll still be the same person even if you're bald from chemotherapy.
@ReginaYS - well, here's the good news--that was a couple of years ago, so if she's still there, she's gotta be at least 21 now. i expect to be invited to the wedding, by the way.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - maybe that's why it didn't work out? (lol. kidding.)