Wednesday, 01 August 2012
Looks like an ordinary bed right? Wrong. This is an Olympic Village bed and, if Durex have counted their condoms correctly, this bed's occupant will have sex at least 15 times by the time the Olympics are over. So where am I pulling these numbers from? Well, if you consider U.S goalkeeper Hope Solo to be a viable sex source, which I do, the Olympic village is one big orgy-fest. A bit of a pin-up in her own right, Solo was quoted on many news websites last week, stating,
"There's a lot of sex going on. With a once-in-a-lifetime experience, you want to build memories, whether it's sexual, partying or on the field. I've seen people having sex right out in the open. On the grass, between buildings, people are getting down and dirty."
And it’s safe to say Durex is riding the sexy bandwagon straight into all Olympic village bedrooms. 150,000 condoms were delivered last week, working out at about 15 per athlete, The Daily Mail reports. And the condom company isn’t being overzealous. It took just one week for athletes to romp their way through 70,000 condoms at the 2000 Sydney Olympics, according to Yahoo News.
And if you think about it, it makes sense that the Olympic village is humming with sexual tension. The men, and some of the women, have probably got more testosterone pumping through them than 1000 horny elephants. And given a divine body is a prerequisite for most Olympic sports I’m not surprised people are fucking on the grass. Plus if this is your last Olympics, and you’re looking to competitively procreate, there’s no better guarantee to create the next Usain Bolt, than sleeping with the man himself. Just leave the condom in the wrapper.
I’m also wondering about Olympic exceptions. I’ve already pronounced loud and clear to everyone, apart from my girlfriend, that I would fuck the divine (but rather dull and dumb when interviewed) Ryan Lochte if he was up for it, and not feel remotely bad about it. As a abuse disclaimer, I doubt I'm quite what Ryan's looking for, but surely there’s a few "exceptions" being made with all these male and female studs stomping around.
Now I’m sure there are a lot of athletes in committed relationships who are shunning the shenanigans. I’m also hopeful that the prepubescent Chinese gymnasts are keeping to their curfews. And, all stereotypes aside, there’s probably quite a few lesbians who won’t be requiring Durex sponsorship.
Also, there’s probably hundreds of athletes so hell bent on gold that they couldn’t care less about getting laid. But I’m not letting reality spoil what I imagine to be a sphere of sporting sexual craziness bubbling away in the heart of London.
How sexy do you think the Olympic village is? Which Olympic athletes do you find attractive?