I've tried to help a friend of mine for months. Often times, they are so attached to the other person that they're just too afraid to let go. Even if it means that they are being physically abused.

from my experiences of the couple, who has experienced this, both of them are crazy; the abuser and abusee. the woman, who was physically and verbally abused reached out to her sisters, but later, she even defended her abuser when they tried to say that he's bad for her. so she won't tolerate people badmouthing the very person, who abuses her I think they have a bipolar relationship. she cries for help but later retracts her negative statements about him when everything is fine again temporarily until he lashes out at her again. a very telling statement that my relative, who was abused, told me was that...she got married young and escaped her family(her parents argued and had a bad relationship. her dad was a cheater.) her "lesser of the two evils" irrational reasoning basically summed up to being with her husband was "better" than living with her family, who she won't go back to, because they aren't her safe haven, but the "worse" enemy. those weren't her exact words but that's what I got from what she said. to the outside world, we think that she's "crazy" for staying with a crazy abuser, but from her eyes, she doesn't think it is that bad compared to what she previously endured, or that it can be better with time/he'll make a turnaround. she has to realize it on her own and wake up. nobody can really help her unless she truly wants help. this is just from one scenario. I can't speak for everyone.

As a victim of abuse, i can say that it gets tiring. You have to extract yourself from the situation. I sought refuge outside of my own home. This may sound icky, but my abuser was my father.

My mom went through it for 12 years. She just recently left him. My sister is going through it now.... she's only been hit once, but it was like a fucking boxing match. He drug her around the room, and made her hit other objects. And I'm going through constant verbal abuse, which has almost turned to physical a few times. Guess it's a family curse, or something.... 

A lot of times, there is nothing you can do for someone in a situation like that who is not asking for help. They have to want help themselves. But it is good to let them know that they have somewhere to go and someone to help them if they do decide to leave. It also helps to make sure they know that they did nothing wrong. What they do with that information is up to them.

Abuse from a partner is terrible. There's emotional, mental & physical. Sometimes it's just one of those, sometimes it's all three. Either way, it's not a joke or something to be taken lightly.

I spent 20 years with a man who was abusive.  In the beginning, I didn't see it.  I blamed myself.  I tried to make him happy, because if he was happy then he wouldn't beat me.  Nothing I did was good enough.  The beatings became so frequent and so intense that I suffered broken bones.  Once, I had an upper respiratory infection that seemed to be sliding into pneumonia.  The chest radiographs revealed the broken ribs, in various stages of healing. 

When my mother was dying, I spent a great deal of time with her.  A blessing to be certain, and I had an epiphany on my way home one evening.  I realized that if I were dying, my husband would not take care of me.  He'd leave me in pain. 

I filed for divorce not long after my mother passed away.  I've been divorced for a year. 

My ex still stalks and threatens me, but I'm free. 

I came up with something called the "good riddance" list.  When you DO get the courage to leave you start writing a list filled with reasons why you werent good with said significant other.  Everything, from small things like you hated that he left his socks on the floor to arguments, the reason you broke up, negative characteristics you hated about him/her and things you hated about yourself when you were with them. 

THEN you write a second list filled with your goals, could be small things like calling a friend you havent talked to in a while to traveling fill it with your dreams and once you start focusing on yourself you will start to have a clearer head on why you left the jerkoff. 

I went through abuse 3 times in different ways.  The first was my first boyfriend and it started off wonderful but I didnt listen to my gut that told me something wasnt completely right.  We dated almost a year before I moved to the south for a year and then back again the following year.  It started with little things like he would tell me how to wear my hair or that he didnt like my makeup or clothes or hanging out with some of my friends or I had gained weight.  Eventually anything I did was wrong and one morning he tripped me down a flight of stairs.  We broke up and I moved back with my family down south who eventually learned the truth after I was waking up from surgery a nurse asked about some scarring on my hand.  I didnt realize my parents were on the right side of me. 

The second time I had gone through a tough breakup with someone I really cared for.  Everyone suggested I start dating around just to have fun etc. and a guy I knew through some high school friends I bumped into at a starbucks, he looked at me like he recognized me and I left before we talked but when I got home he had messaged me on myspace before I had even ran into him at starbucks.  I KNEW we werent going anywhere romantically and although I told him I didnt want a relationship he kept pushing guilt tripping and one day snapped, he kept trying to drive into the guardrail on the highway screaming for me to hit him.  After a party it was the one and only time I got very drunk but I have heart problems that make me prone to passing out he decided to take my clothes off I only vaguely saying no before everything went black, I woke up the next morning alone with no pants. I was young and stupid, I got home and just kept scrubbing and scrubbing.  He knew my dad was moving back up north for work so he waited until he left to park the car down the block from my house and watch me, he kept sending cryptic text messages before I figured out he was staring at me down the block. 

The third time was probably the longest bit of emotional/verbal abuse.  It took me so long to admit to myself that thats what it was and to stop being so emotionally weak.  I met my ex fiance first at the college and then a few years later during christmas time at work helping him make a gift for his neice.  I remembered his name, found him on myspace and we made a date to hang out.  I told my mom I was going to marry him.  The first year was wonderful.  Then one day he broke up with me because he had offered to pay me back for paying for his stuff at the store and got mad that I accepted it.  Breaking up lasted 24 hrs. but after that he kept finding subtle ways to change me as a person and somehow made everything seem like it was MY fault and that I was the wrong one all the time.  We broke up off/on again a few more times.  We suffered a pregnancy loss, depression, homelessness and my grandmother dying.  The straw that broke the camels back was him guilting me because I wanted to make a trip to see my family by myself.  I didnt see them again for almost a year and half due to funding and when my grandmother was in hospice he decides to call to break up with me again becaues I was spending too much time with them.  I mean REALLY? a year and half of living on my own and my grandmother who helped raised me is dying and he decides to do this. He blamed me for losing the baby.  We got back together I told him if he tried that breaking up thing again I was done for good.  That didnt go over well, he called many times in a row every day, was always mad at me for talking to my mom more than him on the phone and really hated when I signed back up for school and did better than him then started making new friends.  He started going through my emails and got really angry when I didnt want to be a catholic.  One day he called me to say goodnight I got out of work at 930 he had to be up for work at 3 a.m. I put my phone in my room to charge and at 10:30 when dinner is sitting in front of me the house phone rings, he says all this sweet stuff and asks if its ok that he called even though we had just hung up an hr. ago I check my cell which has 9 missed calls 2 voicemails and 2 texts.  I told him its fine that he called but that many times is excessive unless someone is dying.  He dosnt talk to me for a few days and calls off the engagement over facebook a week later after some very nasty messages he decides he wants to get back together.  I refused.  When I made the good riddance list and then my other list of goals I decided I was too tired of all the crap and it was time I liked myself again.  I have been single ever since and very happy.

The majority of domestic abuse homicides occur when the abusee is leaving the abuser. Be very careful. The most important thing is to be supportive - which can be difficult and frustrating because abusers often tear down support systems so the victim is even more dependent on the abuser. If you tell your friend things s/he isn't yet willing to hear, she may push you away. Abuse is a form of brainwashing.

i have had two violent relationships, one was not so much a relationship as abuse on several occasions where he got my flat key cut and was there when i came and so forth.. that was very very hard and the physical abuse was much much worse that i moved from my home and job to run away basically.. to this day none of my family know anything about it because im too ashamed and to recall all the things that happened is just way to painful being in the past couple of years time span, i could barely work, i distanced myself and pretended i was fine where all i did was hide in cupboards or in small spaces; sleep under the table and just became too scared to do much.

i dont think i had the capacity to do anything else or act on anything until he pushed it too far one day and i ended up in hospital.

the other was when i was too young to be aware the dangers and stayed in the relationship as his girlfriend for 3 years because i thought it was NORMAL due to the violence from men in my life and family etc. before this i just thought that it was what men did..

im not tarring men with the same brush here, but any person who raises their hand or anything else is below caring about, they do not rule your life, they have no reason to be hurting you this much, you owe nothing to them and you are so much stronger than they will ever be. Hurting someone whether it is physical, mental or emotional has no excuses and not everybody in the world will treat you this way, i wish i had someone to spell that out to me when i was going through it all but the attack a couple of years ago was and remains one of the most painful experiences in my life, and i still have nightmares over it.. my main wish - that he never lays a finger, opens his mouth or forces another being like he did with me, ever again and im sorry but i feel like we should bring back actual physical punishment like they used to for acts like this.. he will never know or understand how much he destroyed me and thats one thing i hate to admit he feel but wishes he would because it may make him understand.

i have so much respect for anyone who has had a relationship like this or been abused and hope they understand how strong, incredibly brave and wonderful they are, and never forget that

stress makes me go nuts.
the lack of positive emotional support makes it worse.
THEN when I ask him to stay away and he doesn't I see more red.
THEN he taunts me with an insult to one of my hobbies. Makes fun
of my decisions.  I see MORE RED.  I cannot think. I just do.
I tell him to go away, and then he doesn't. He says more
hurtful words. I hit him. I'm not right. I am wrong.
the entire situation is wrong.