Thursday, 26 July 2012
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The Strangest Pick-Up Line You've Ever Gotten?
I seem to have a talent for attracting strange pick-up lines.
I'm half Sicilian, half Eastern European (Russian/Polish mix). To be frank, my nose isn't tiny. I wasted the better part of my adolescence lamenting this fact -- fantasizing about growing up and getting a rhinoplasty.I'm happy to report that over time, I've made good friends with my schnoz -- in fact, at the age of 24, I *ROCK IT*. I don't even know who I'd be without it! For better or for worse, the ol' nariz is a part of my face, and I accept it completely. However, I still have a hint of self-consciousness leftover from years of habitual self-beratement. This pretty much stays dormant unless some prize dip-shit makes an insensitive remark. Which brings me to the story below...
I had stepped on the Long Island Railroad one afternoon a couple of years ago when a 30-something businessman cornered me near the entrance and asked me if I were Polish. The conversation that ensued went a little something like this:Me: "Um, yeah, a bit."
Dude: "Oh, well you look Polish."
-Long pause-
Me: "What does *THAT* mean?"
Dude: "Your nose..."
-Long pause-
Me: "Um. Thanks." -Rolling my eyes and turning away-
Dude: "No, no, I didn't mean to offend you! You're sexy as hell. Everything about you is sexy. Even your *nose* is sexy!"
...I stared at this clown in complete disbelief. He spent the next minute or two heckling me for my phone number, genuinely shocked that I wouldn't give it to him. Finally, I agreed to take his card so he'd leave me alone, told him that I had to, "go meet my friend in another car," and got away from him as quickly as I could.
The dude *really* wasn't pulling my leg. This was his sincere attempt at winning my affections; I still can't fathom what made him think this might be an effective means to do so.
Was this supposed to be endearing?
Was this some strange power game? Was he trying to manipulate me by saying something questionable (thereby upsetting me) and then rapidly turning said questionable comment into a compliment (making my self esteem soar even higher than it would have if he hadn't brought me down first)?
Nah, I doubt he was smart enough to be that calculating. This comment was likely no more than evidence of his total social ineptitude: an epidemic that shows little promise of going away any time soon. Oh, boy...What's the strangest pick-up line you've ever gotten? How did you respond to it?
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About the Author
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- From: Jeanette
- Name: Jeanette
- Location: Long Island, New York, United States
- About Me: I'm fascinated by human behavior! How we -- as human beings and members of this society -- relate to one another in sex and love is particularly interesting to me.
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Comments (26)
I once had an older woman say something about tearing into me - I don't remember the exact quote. I remember responding with a "thank you" and scurrying to the other side of the bar. I also remember thinking if it was God's way of punishing me for staying up so late watching documentaries on lions the night before.
"You'd look beautiful sitting next to me in a 16 passenger van."
Oh homeschoolers.
"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
Probably middle school. Chick just walked up behind me and grabbed my ass.
Was like, damn.
"you'll do fine, you are coming back with me tonight"
"grab your coat babe, you've pulled" (this guy was wearing the same shirt as my dad, about 15 years or so older than me, very short, plump and had a pig face - all squashed.. i did not want to grab my coat!)
"i like women who are short like you. im having you tonight - winks" - he was smaller than me, about 5'2 ish
"you'd look good if i cover you in peanut butter.."
had a few weirder, and i remember them being weird but to be honest im a total lightweight and after a drink i barely remember anything!
Can you pick your nose with your toe?
hmm i've heard some good ones but nothing is coming to mind right now. i certainly have had my flubs, virtually all when i am way too shitfaced to have any decent game whatsoever.
@rara_avis21@xanga - hahaha i black (or brown) out really easily too, though it takes significantly more alcohol to get me drunk. i can easily do 6 shots in an hour on an empty stomach but i'll start browning out after 2. i think the most frequent complaint i get from people who are new to drinking with me is "why is it that every time i party with you, i never remember my night the next day?" i take it as a huge compliment every time i hear that.
if you like to drink though, we should totally hang out sometime.
@rara_avis21@xanga - how does "why don't you come over here and play with my beam so I can nail you like a stud" sound?
"Hey, you are weird".
"Umm, thanks?"
EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.
@Trueinnerbeauty@lovelyish - CLASSIC!!! hahaha
Got someone this morning (as i bought my cleaning things in the shop) 'If you need me to come bleach your sink i'll happily do it if you rub some oil into me..."
and also, "thats a big cucumber.. i finish at 12, where do you live..?" haha
"You look like my third girlfriend"
"How many have you had?""Two"...CRINGE!I once had a guy tell me I looked like a librarian (I was wearing my glasses) at a bar. I got a little offended, because who wants to hear that, especially if you've had horrible eyesight since you were 6? Maybe he thought they were fake. Anyway, then he asked what I really did and I told him I was a nanny and a culinary student. He started asking if I could make, like, a steak for him. I think if I had stuck around I would have heard something about nanny porn or, like, can I change his diaper for him.
@daydreams_nightmares@xanga - Oh my goodness! Really?!?! So sorry about the comment but this cracked me up! ;)
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - My friend that's a librarian said she would get hit on all the time at the library! She said there are people with a librarian fetish! :O
@eugenia@xanga - I believe it...
Oddly enough one of my strangest was similar to yours... I was waiting for my boyfriend and this guy came up and said, "hey are you German"
Me~ "Uh yeah, how'd you know?"
Him~ "You just look like a German."
Me~ "Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?" psst... I was already in an awful mood so I kind of bit his head off at this comment but who says this stuff?
Him~ "Nooo, I don't mean to insult you it is definitely a compliment. You're gorgeous, and you have the face structure of a German."
He then goes on to say he is attracted to me and invites me into the movies with him and his friend. I declined so he gave me his number. lol.
Another strange one was at my old job.
me~ "can i help you with anything?"
him~ laughs, "this is so embarrassing but where are the condoms?"
I show him where and he squeezes my shoulder, creep.
So he returns and I ring him out...
him~ AGAIN! "this is so embarrassing."
me~ "no it truly isn't it's normal, at least you're using them." lol
him~ "no it's embarrassing because im asking such a beautiful girl."
haha please like I haven't heard that line before..
I finish ringing him up and as he hands me his card he says...
him~ "i probably deserve to be punched in the face but um are your breasts real?"
WTF?!
im shocked at this point, who has the audacity to come up and ask a stranger that?
me~ "uh yeah that is really none of your business."
him~ "yeah they look real I really wish i could feel them so I could truly tell. Im really impressed they're so huge." and walks away and out the door.
my boobs are real lol, I mean what 21 college student and minimum wage worker can afford fake boobs?
him: "do you have hispanic in you?"
me: "....yeah...."
him: *wiggles eyebrows* "do you want more in you?"
me: *gives disgusted look and walks away*
@LipstickStainedCoffeeCups@xanga - Holy shit! Woooooow, I'm afraid I might've punched him in the face or kicked him in the balls rather than just walk away lol. That's just *shakes head*... no, that's a no.
@mypandabear@xanga - If I wasn't at work I would have said something, but if I said something I would've had a 110% of getting fired. My boss at the time is an idiot and would've been like, "Oh, he likes you! I'll give him your number! -insert his dumb laugh here-"
lol!!! these stories cracked me up!
OMG, I was at the table and this guy came towards me dropping the "Hey, how are you? Is your daddy a terrorist because you're the bomb!"
Uhm, yes, my daddy is a terrorist, so stay the hell away from me.
Have you got a girllfriend back at home, would you like one?
Would you go out with me?
someone rode his bike behind mine and said "Nice ass" then passed me and said "lets look from the front...nice breasts! what's your name?" I said my name. "I 'm Tony. Wanna have some fun with me?" "umh, no" "do you have a boyfriend?" "dating someone" "what's his name?" "Daniel" "Lucky man. But I'm sure he's white and bad in bed!"
...he also said something about how he doesn't have to know, but I don't remember the rest. When he got it, he turned around and went in the oppisite direction.
I'm a german american and someone once told me "You're the Eva to my Adolf."