I'm very open about my love life.
I think that's pretty obvious, given that I write for Datingish. But Datingish also allows me relative anonymity. It doesn't really matter, though, because I am just as open in my day-to-day life.
Of course, it's a little different. On Datingish, I open up to cyberspace, full of complete strangers. I'm far more discriminating in my offline life. My love life info is restricted to my friend group. That said, if I trust you with that kind of information, you probably know ALL about it.
My current boyfriend, luckily, doesn't really mind my openness. My ex, however had a huge issue with it.
He was a very private person, and he didn't like the input my friends had in our relationship. And because we had our fair share of problems, I turned to them for advice quite a lot.
I sort of understand where he was coming from - a relationship, ultimately, is just about the people in the relationship. It's extremely difficult for an outsider to assist in another's relationship, simply because he/she is not a part of that relationship.
That said, my friends are really important to me. As a graduate of boarding school, I've been living with my friends since I was 14. Many of them know me far better than my own parents. As such, they give amazing advice and I highly value their opinions.
Also, talking about our love lives is a major way for me to bond with my friends, though lately I've come to suspect this is more of a 'girl thing.' I'd be a little offended if they didn't want to tell me about their relationship, to be totally honest. And I can't imagine not telling them about mine.
Sure, there are a few things that are private, but those are very few. And I did try to tone it down out of respect to my ex. Still, it was very difficult and I hated it. Especially because I figure if I'm having issues and need advice, I'm going to get it from the people who give it best. And those people, generally, are my friends.
How open are you about your sex life? Is your partner more or less open than you? Has this caused any problems in your relationship?
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Comments (6)
Well up until the end, you said love, not sex.
I'm pretty open about mine with my close friends. I don't generally keep secrets, except private things my boyfriend might tell me about his life outside of our relationship. That's not for me to tell. Unless of course I think it's absolutely vital, which when I was married I felt like my husband's deep dark secrets were affecting our relationship, so I did spill some beans to one or two CLOSE friends.
My last ex was very private as well, and in hindsight, I think he knew if my friends got all the details about our relationship, they would insist I leave him. Which they would have. Love can make you stupid... if my friends were in my situation, I would have told them to leave, too. But of course I was under the spell of "no one understands how in love we are". Pft.
Anyway, if the relationship is true, there isn't any reason to keep people out of the loop. That's how you become isolated and if things turn bad, you have no one to help you through it. That being said, sex should be mostly private. Of course girls tend to share intimate details and compare boyfriend's likes and dislikes, but that's how girls are. And honestly, if it wasn't for us doing that, men would probably get bored with us! Maybe men should do it more. And I don't mean openly in rooms full of people, and certainly not in front of their byofriend/girlfriend. I think it's trashy when a girl tells a whole crowd of people "This guy right here loves when I finger his butt!" Even if the guy laughs and is okay with it... it's gross to make a spectacle of your sexual relationships.
Not open. There is one other person in the relationship, there is one other person I'm discussing it with. Maturity.
i used to be really tight-lipped about this stuff, but a few years ago i decided it was a lot more fun to tell people about the ridiculous shit that goes down in my life. what's the point in making bad decisions if you never tell the stories?
if i ever do something long-term though--as in, with a girl who would meet my friends more than once--i wouldn't open my mouth about anything. it's nobody's business except our own. and i'd appreciate it if she kept her trap shut, too.
i'm surprised this post isn't more popular.
Personally, I'm pretty open about my relationships and my love life in general. If you're just talking about relationship details, such as the problems that you and your significant other are facing that are too minuscule to bring up, then I think it's important that you talk about it with someone you trust. Each relationship brings with it a new set of problems and a new situation to face; talking to people who you trust that may have had a similar experience or may know of some allegorical anecdote that could assuage your worries may help a lot more than stirring problems in a budding relationship.
If you're in a long term relationship, you're probably able to talk to your beau about problems you and your close friends are facing, why can't it be the other way around? A myriad of couples go to couples therapy where all they're tasked to do is to let a complete stranger pass judgment on them - why can't you open up to your friends and have their opinion first?
Totally unrelated to the post topic but just wanted to say I love the lead photo! So cute! :)
Back when I had friends we would tell each other everything pretty much. Especially me since I'm kind of relationship/sex dumb. So they would give me advice and instructions on how to properly function like a normal person in these situations.
I guess the question is if you can trust your friends. A lot of the people I called friends took not only what I have said and told everyone, but completely twisted it and took everything completely out of proportion. :/ So it didn't work out too well in the end for me.
Do what you do. If they don't like it, then they can leave.