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I know it was ages ago; I was young and foolish. I ended up calling it off with an amazing guy when I was roughly 15. I'm now 20, but I've always regretted calling it off and when I broke up with him, I did it in a very childish way which ended up hurting him really badly. When I tried to get back with him, he completely ignored me.
Only recently have I tried to get back into contact with him and he accepted me. I asked all the basic things like what he was doing with himself, and had some very small chit chat, but I wanna get back in contact with him and just don't know where to start.
I don't want to say things where it will just die or like I'm being rash. I also can't really bring up the past until I see him because I just want to keep it casual.
Any help?
Sincerely,
Clueless
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Comments (12)
It shouldn't be too difficult. Just converse with him about recent events, gradually tie the conversation into future plans, subtly weave in your mutual interests, and then it's just a matter of letting your guard down and allowing yourself to express a genuine desire to strengthen your connection with him by consistently increasing communication in both depth and frequency. It'll quickly reach a balance where you'll be able to "feel" what kind of relationship he's open to before there's any reason for him to speculate "where it's leading", as you'll be undermining any residual awkwardness that might still exist from whatever happened previously by simply providing the medium in which a relationship can progress, and if it does start to progress more quickly than expected, it can easily be construed as a result of his desire to pursue something more.
To put it more simply, you don't have to worry about seeming too forward because you have the advantage of being able to redefine your initial intentions for contacting him as you go along, which is a virtual 'get out of jail free card' if you feel you've presented yourself as overzealous and should you want to ask about his romantic interests (e.g. "That's good you're focusing on your career. I've been really busy with mine and my schedule keeps me from having any free time (hinting that you weren't interested in a relationship either if he doesn't seem to be)".).
i think u should not bring up the break unless he does. Talk about other stuff like u would to a friend. Get to know him again. Also see what happenes.
Tell him how you feel, and apologize.
Dont tear this motherfuckers heart to pieces if you think you want him back,make sure thats what you want..so you wont regret it again.Not being harsh, just honest because i have felt similar pain and done the same to others.It is not fun, nor does it feel well.Hope all works out love.
I've been in the guy's position in this situation and when the guys wanted to talk to me again, I wanted to tell them to kiss my ass, but I just ignored them. they made me feel like they only wanted to talk to me again because they couldn't find anyone better, and they think that I still like them, but I'm too disgusted. don't make someone your priority when they only make you an option. I also wanted to tell them that I found someone way better than their loser bitchass. I hope they suffer with their regrets<3 I don't have advice. this is just my rant on behalf of the ones who share the same sentiments.
Don't listen to anyone who tells you to be his friend like nothing ever happened. Get him on the phone or ask him to have coffee with you (it will be tough to talk about it face to face but it will mean so much more) & tell him how you feel. Apologize, tell him you didn't mean to hurt him but everyone goes through a young & selfish stage in their life & you don't want your friendship to base off your past. Fresh start.
Personally, if someone hurt me when I was young & then just tried to continue on as if nothing happened, I would be pissed. If you really want to fix things, don't just try to smooth over them. Take the time to actually fix them so that things won't break again soon.
I would start out by asking him to meet me somewhere so we could talk. I would also apologize to him, not because I want him to like me again but because I'm genuinely sorry.
Just be his friend. Listen to him. Try to understand him. Don't go in there thinking you'll get him back by being nice to him. I know this happened years ago but you broke his heart. This will take time.
get a good friendship going first.. and then meet up for coffee and lay it all out.. A good place to start is "There is something I need to say.. I've regretted what I did to you.."
Do not pretend like nothing happened, because then any friendship/relationship you may have will be based on a lie. Its better to clear the air and ask for forgiveness. Yes, it will hurt both you and him.. but you need to own up to what you did and make it right. Better late then never.
You were 15? What kind of serious relationship could you have then? I think you're taking it a little seriously. Just be his friend.
I am going through 100% the exact same thing as you; the only differences are the ages (16 vs. 25) and the manner of my leaving them. (I was raped, and therein confused) I've thoroughly considered all of the pros and cons, and have decided not to go through with igniting contact with them. Why? I thought I was doing it to appease him, or to make myself feel better, aka less immature, but all of these years later, what does it really matter? All that will come of it is one awkward conversation, and the possibility of feelings resurfacing that just shouldn't be, seeing as I'm in a relationship. It just won't be worth it for me.
Good luck!!But if you decide to talk to this ex, then I suggest you approach the situation with caution. Don't just show up and sit in silence - plan out what you want to say, write it down if you must. You don't want to meet them up and come across as a fool.
Be Smooth and Simple Just tell him that '
you'll never ever gonna find a guy like him', compliment works <3
What I want to know is, why are you trying to get back with him after five years? Is it really the regrets, or is it that you just want that part of your life back?