I was seventeen, he was twenty-eight. That entire year had been a roller coaster that wouldn't stop. But, if I could, I would've jumped off if I wasn't so tightly fastened. He was my distraction. My way of coping with the unknown, all while trying to get through my final year of high school. Almost eight years have passed and I still can't believe I turned to a man with kids.
It was unexpected. He was everything I wasn't looking for, but I welcomed him with open arms. It might've been my state of mind that affected my decision making, who knows.
Upon our first introduction, I didn't know much about what he had at home. We weren't that deep into our "getting to know you" phase. The phone calls were frequent. The dates were just as often. There were times when I'd even abandon my studies to take a ride from Brooklyn to the Bronx. I was THAT blind sided. Then, he dropped the bombshell. Not only did he have one child, but two. Raising them on his own.
I don't know what I expected. I was seventeen, this was a grown man. His life was sure to be more progressed than my own. But, even at a young age, I always said I'd never date a guy with kids. For me, all I saw was baggage and added responsibility. Having to not only think of you and he, but his children as well. Not in the sense of a mother figure, but of not being the one to hinder their parental relationship. It was something I was careful to stay away from, until then.
After his revelation, we continued to see each other. Though, I stayed clear of meeting his kids. We weren't at that stage. Yet, I cared that he didn't make that an option. But things didn't last, for reasons other than the obvious.
Now, in my mid-twenties, I carry the same expectations, but am sure to be more lenient on a few things. Lets be real, if you find a man you like and have a connection with, a child would probably be the last thing you think about. Nowadays, that's usually the package deal anyway. Though, I still have a few friends that won't accept that and now that I'm grown, I question why.
Is a man with a child really a deal breaker? Even for the purpose of dating or pursuing a serious relationship. Why or why not?