Friday, 20 July 2012
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I'm 13 and He's a Jerk
Hello, I'm 13 years old and my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over two months. We fight often, but make up just as often as we fight. He's over with friends at a sleep-over which includes other girls. After texting a bit, he tells me that he's playing spin the bottle with them, which worries me!
He doesn't trust me much. For example, we were talking the other day and he asked me how many guys I had been asked out by. I tell him two, including him. He begs and begs for the other guy's name after I tell him not to worry about it, until I finally give in and tell him. He then pesters me about the guy's last name, which I refuse to give him.
He accused me of making this other person up after I refused to tell him his full name, so he proceeds to go on my Facebook page and look through my friends list for every guy with the same first name. He settles on one, and threatens to send him a message asking if he had previously asked me out, if I didn't tell him who it really was. This was the wrong guy, by the way.
So he's at this sleep over and I'm worrying that he might do something. My friends all tell me not to break up with him because we make a cute couple, but for once, I want to do what's right for me. I'm confused.
Any advice?
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- From: superwoman
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Comments (43)
This is going to sound really counter-cultural, but... Break up with him, focus on your schoolwork, pick up more hobbies, and keep your priorities centered around being a person of excellent character.
My advice is that you stop trying to have "relationships" at 13 years old. Trust me, as someone who started messing around with boys at 14, its not a good idea. You are too young, you don't understand what a relationship actually is yet. What's right for you is to stop wasting your teen years worrying about boys that you won't even remember in a couple of years, and enjoy your time being young before you get stuck with bills, work, and responsibility.
He sounds really possessive. This sounds really typical, but you are way too young to be in a relationship with someone. I started dating and messing around with guys at 14, I'm 22 now, and I really regret exposing myself to those things at such a young age. You have your whole life to deal with possessive boyfriends who want to know everything you're doing, don't start dealing with it now especially with one who isn't showing you the kind of respect you deserve.
Break up with him. Neither of you are ready to be in a relationship. He cannot control who you talk to before he meet you, nor does he have the right to go through your friends list to message people about how they may know you. Any guy that acts this way, even in your future, is not worth being in a relationship with.
If there isn't any trust and he is ignoring how you feel, the last thing you need to ignore is what is right for you. Get out and enjoy being 13. :)
I won't preach to you about dating at thirteen. In this situation, whether you were thirteen or thirty-one, this guy isn't treating you properly. You should go with your gut, of course, and it does seem like it's leaning toward breaking up with him. I really think you should. When I was sixteen I was in a similar situation. It can only end badly. There are better guys to fancy out there and you can take your time. You have your whole life ahead of you, and if this boy is going to treat you this way, he doesn't need to be apart of it. Don't listen to your friends if their only reasoning for wanting you to stay with him is because they think it's cute. Puppies are cute. Show them a picture of a puppy and ditch this guy. There are better guys out there, even at your age. :)
Yeah I have to agree, barely being a teenager I think you need to focus on other things than boys right now. There's plenty of time for that later.
Whose parents let boys stay over with a bunch of girls anyway?
No relationship should begin with distrust at any age. It doesn't sound he is ready for a relationship. And the fact that you don't feel right about being with him, perhaps you shouldn't. Take into consideration what your friends tell you, but you know what is best for you. Don't stay in a relationship where you cannot trust the other person because others find you and him a cute couple. Looking cute together is one of the worst reasons to be in a relationship. I agree with another reader, what kind of parents allowed co-ed slumber parties at 13/14?
Im going to go with everyone else and say that this is why kids shouldnt date at 13. He's stupid, and you're young.
You're 13. A relationship shouldn't really be a top priority right now. You already see the signs that it's not working out. So, stop making excuses and get out of the relationship.
Distrust in any relationship at any age warrants a breakup.
If he doesn't trust you, why should you trust him? Guy maturity level doesn't usually start until the end of high school.
Break up with him. This is not the kind of relationship you want to be in.
Also, I wouldn't even worry about "going steady" type relationships. (Honestly, I'm only in my 20s haha.) I just mean, don't worry about having a boyfriend. Obviously it's okay to have interest in someone else and hang out with that person, but it doesn't make sense to be exclusive at your age. That's more for when you're looking for a life partner, in my opinion.
@babybug329@xanga - I see no problem with it when there's adult supervision. Wow the stories I've heard; Don't think "things" aren't going to go on just because there's only one gender involved.
He sounds nutso jealous and controlling to me. Don't walk away from him; RUN. Spin the bottle is nothing to worry about at all by comparison.
Don't stay with him just because your friends say that you two look cute together. Nor should you stay with him if he is disrespecting you by playing "spin the bottle" with other girls. You don't need a guy like this and you don't need to be in a relationship at 13 years old. Just focus and do well on your school work because an education will take you further in life, not this horrible relationship you have here. If you perform well in your education, along the way you will find a man who will love you and respect you for your success and for who you are. Good luck, and be smart about your choices from now on.
Don't listen to your friends. Staying together because your a cute couple is stupid. I'd just save yourself the trouble a dump him. You too young to be stuck unhappy with some guy.
Your to young to be dating...you should just try and enjoy being a girl for a few more years. Trust me boys when they are young are dumb...lol...
The most important thing is if there is mutual respect and trust.
I'm not going to tell you not to date at 13, because at 13, I remember how I was. Totally boy crazy and wanting a boyfriend.
I'd say break up with him. 13 or not, you deserve someone who respects you and trusts you. You learn quickly that those are two important things in a relationship. You also learn quickly that your friends' opinions aren't always right. You need to learn what's best for you. After all it's your relationship and your feelings. So just ignore them if they get mad at you for breaking up. I really wish someone would tell me these things when I was younger.
I'm almost 20 and these things still happen to people my age (and people a lot older than I am). It's not just something about your age. Guys tend to be immature until they're at least 25 or 30, and even then women tend to be more mature. You just have to find the right one and even then you have to accept his flaws.
@Sun_Starflower@xanga - Or way after...they're not much better in college either.
You're thirteen. Focus on, I don't know... plaiting your hair and doing your homework.
If you stay with him you won't be together forever, so save yourself the heartache.
I you already know that a person who really cares and trust you wouldn't act the way he does.
People who can't trust you can't be trusted. I learned this the hard way. I say leave him and focus on your pretty self :)
Dude, you're 13. Why is this even posted here?
Break up with him and be 13. There will be many other boys and most of them will be better than this one.