Thursday, 19 July 2012
My guy is amazing. He's smart, funny, ambitious, generous, kind, sweet, and unbearably handsome in an old school Hollywood glam kind of way. It is unreal.
Before I make you too jealous, let me tell you what's bugging me and you can tell me if I'm insane. He was engaged before he met me. They were together almost 9 years and his fiance called off the wedding five weeks before it happened. Four months later he met me off an online dating site and we've been together now for almost 8 months.
He tells me he loves me and I want so badly to believe him because I am head over heels and way too deep in love. I'm nervous about the ex though for a number of reasons.
One? He refers to her as "the ex" instead of her real name when she comes up in conversation. It's not every day but it's definitely more than I'd like.
Two? There are still pictures of her around. Not in frames but there is a photo album with her pictures and he has some on his computer. One is even on the desktop (not as the background but there's an icon leading to it).
Three? He still has texts from her in his phone. I KNOW! I'm a bad person for looking. I mean did I think there was going to be fantastic news for me there?
Four? It's almost a year since things ended and he knows exactly how many days till it is a year.
Last night we had a fairly serious discussion about it. He told me he loves me and it worries him that I don't feel as strongly as he does and I'll leave. He also said he doesn't miss his ex but he misses what they had - the history they had. He said he wants to build the same with me but it just takes time and it's rough. He said he thinks we have what it takes to really make it as a couple because we're amazing together (and he's not wrong on that one).
I'm perhaps even more worried. I'm concerned that he wants me as a replacement for what he's lost. I'm concerned he just wants me to fill some void. I'm not the first girl he's dated since the breakup but I worry that he's mistaking our connection for a chance to get back the relationship he had and this is never going to be that. Also, when the time comes for an engagement with us (and that's a long way off for both of us) will he be able to be unafraid?
I didn't tell him what I was feeling. I'm too scared. If I'm right then I will lose everything we have and that will kill me. I think I need to bring it up but I'm terrified I'll get crushed.
Any advice? Should I say something? Am I insane? Anyone ever been in a similar situation?