It's been close to four years. The back and forth, repetitive conversations. The "Give me another chance to prove to you I can change" pleads. These had been the cards I'd dealt myself with an ex who can't seem to get up from the table when I've already folded my hand. So, I found myself questioning, is this the outcome of online dating?
We met when Facebook first boomed into the websphere. When AIM was still of some significance to keep in contact. He was sexy, polite, and held good conversation
. Oh, did I mention...SEXY? He hadn't been the first guy I'd spoken with from the web, naturally. But the first whom I'd actually taken into account on whether or not we'd make personal introductions.
The instant messages went on daily, then made its way to my e-mail, which eventually turned into the exchange of numbers and contacting me via-text. He was very persistent. I should've taken that as a red flag
. But, when you're one who enjoys a challenge and someone who knows what they want, who will consider that a questioning trait?
The texts and phone calls went on for close to 8 months, longer than most would suspect. But, I'm cautious, what can I say. Then, we met and everything checked out. I wasn't being thrown for a loop. He was everything he'd physically hyped himself up to be. Chocolate, 6'2, Brooklyn boy, younger than myself and...a Leo. Red flag number two. But we won't get into how my Virgo rising usually clashes with the aggressive, attention-wanting lion. Bypassing that all, we moved forward. As friends.
From that instant, and if I'm honest with myself, from the first phone call, the chemistry wasn't there. There wasn't any "gosh, I can't wait to hear from him,"
or "I wonder what he's doing,"
thoughts going on in my head. And I found myself comparing him to the feelings I once possessed for an ex and wondered why it hadn't reappeared for him. No excitement for a new beginning.
So what started off as friends and him trying HARD to make it more, turned into me giving into a "relationship."
I know you're thinking, ummm...didn't you just say...YES, but he was such a nice guy I started to question my own judgment and wondered why not give him a chance? Maybe things with him would just develop slower than my past. But it turned out to be one of the lesser issues we would encounter.
I'm not going to paint the picture of him being the bad guy, because he's far from. But, his possessiveness, need to be the center of my world, being undependable, even arrogant at times, was something I could no longer put up with. The back and forth was no longer an option. No more chances to prove a change of self. I was/am done.
But, now almost four years since our initial "meeting," I'm dealing with the same "I want to make things right."
Wondering to myself if he will ever actually get a clue. This can't be normal. I've clearly moved on from him, but I find myself wondering if our friendship is even worth maintaining when he's constantly trying to prove a point and hoping for a THIRD chance.
Don't get me wrong, I know the part I've played in this back-and-forth situation. To say I led him on...would be incorrect though. We were always very open. Which at times, he couldn't handle; I can be TOO honest. But, throughout it all, not much got resolved. We still keep in contact. He still expects the treatment of a boyfriend, as a friend. It's just an ongoing debacle
I'm not convinced this is an online dating issue. Probably his personal fight that he doesn't want to throw the towel in on. So tell me, have you ever dealt with an ex who just couldn't let go? Or is this simply the effects of online dating and decisions I KNOW I'm co-responsible for?