Tuesday, 17 July 2012
I've been a little MIA to the Datingish world lately. Unforunately, I've been fairly preoccupied: One of L's very best friends since childhood was mowed down and killed by an alleged drunk driver while out for a run.
This is a tragedy for hundreds and hundreds of people and L is one of those most closely affected. As much as I would like to honor the deceased, this post is intended more for my partner (and for all of you who are, have been or will be in similar situations). Unfortunately, this is a fact of life. There is no way to make sense of such a tragedy when it happens so suddenly, but there is also no way to make sense of it when it happens expectedly. It is always profoundly sad and it is always profoundly painful.
Of course, I feel affected, too, but I need find my own inner strength so that I can support L. Over the last several days, I have made myself as open as available as possible. This is both my choice and a necessity.
What makes this so hard for me is that I can't find the right words to say. There are no right words. There is no answer. All I can do, all we can ever really do, is to be there for the ones we love in the best ways we know how. Make it known that we are here for them, remind them that we love them and tell them we won't go anywhere.
When we can't find the words to say, but find that music says it better, we must share it. When we are sad, we must say so. We must stay positive, but not so positive that we seem unaffected or unrealistic.
Someday soon, things will seemingly return to normalcy, but they will never be the way they once were. We must know that. In the wake of this tragedy (and any tragedy), we must also find ways to turn this into something positive. We don't know how yet and, right now, we don't want to. If nothing else, we must take this as a cliché reminder that in an instant a life can be cut short. Tell your friends you need them, tell your family you love them, tell your lovers you would be different people without them.
The girl who lost her life was just 20, but she lived every single day. Her friends and family say that she could have ruled the world, but for 20 years she did. Her spirit will not be forgotten and her life will be celebrated by everyone who knew her.
Have you ever experienced loss? Has your partner? How do you two cope?