Friday, 13 July 2012
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Relationships and Careers
What do you do when you are in a relationship with someone whose career is taking baby steps to blossom? Let's give it a time frame, say three-four years and of course the love is there but the stability is not. Sure, we can point fingers to the economy and remain optimistic but seriously...?Ladies/gents, when do you pull the plug on a relationship that seems to be just an endless road of hopes and promises?
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- From: khn2nv
- Name: khn2nv
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Comments (10)
I make it a point to be with someone who has ambition/ goals. I'm not into the guy who is too laid back and has no plans for himself. I think it's important to be with someone who has goals and similar ones to yours so as you're on the same page. My boyfriend adn I have spoken about our goals and ambitions, understanding that school will take some time for me to finish and that some career moves he has to make may be time consuming. But we talked about it and are understanding, knowing that we will work around our career moves to better our relationship in the end. :)
But if you're with someone heading in the opposite direction as you, it's either choose to be with them and let it drag your plans down or move on and flourish individually. Good luck!I really think it depends on how you prioritize your values. In my opinion, "our career goals are too dissimilar" is usually an excuse to end a relationship when the breaker-uper's priorities are focused inwardly on self-fulfillment and autonomy, rather than on long-lasting interpersonal relationships and compromise.
It depends on you and what you want from a relationship.
Example 1: A family of three. Husband, Wife, Child. Mom is a lawyer, Dad's underemployed (working part time) and having a hard time finding a better job. Mom makes enough money to financially support the family. Dad can work part time for extra money and can still take care of the child while mom works long lawyer hours. --- In this situation, I would be perfectly fine. As long as my husband made sure the child had everything he needed and was a good father, I would be perfectly okay with supporting him.
Example 2:(This is a true story) My fiance is a chef. He's worked at his job for almost ten years. I graduated from college last year and my first job pays more and offers better benefits than his job. I know we'll be able to pay our bills and I know my fiance loves his job. He works very hard. But I do expect him to eventually speak up and ask for a raise, go somewhere else, or be promoted.
I would support someone who loves their job and works hard to make a living. But I would not support someone who was lazy and/;or didn't have any goals, motivation or ambition. I think it's important to discuss future goals and attitudes towards careers before become serious with someone.
I want my significant others to be happy and I want them to contribute to the household if we're living together - but those contributions need not be monetary.
I don't want them to try to sabotage MY ambitions, rely on me for money (without helping me in some way - even if that's doing housework so I can focus on my work), or claim to want something they don't work for. But I don't care if they're working a low-income job that they love if they truly love it, are willing to adjust their standards of living accordingly, and will pick up some of the slack in the event my job requires more hours.
Make your own way. Fuck anyone else that says different.
wow, a post so shallow if it were a pool it wouldn't get my ankles wet.
@lttlegel@lovelyish - I'm most likely heading for the situation in your example 1. And I'm perfectly okay with it. :)
I think the difference to make is between whether the fault is with "the system", i.e. the line of work your partner is in doesn't pay as well or there just aren't as many carreer opportunities, or whether the fault is with your partner, because he isn't willing to change the situation without adequate reasons. (Wanting to work part-time to stay home with the kids IS a valid reason. So is wanting to be the homemaker in the relationship.)
@LR - Absolutely! Although there are certain stereotypes that don't fit with that... like that the man has to be the " breadwinner." But like I said, I make more than he does, so obviously I'm not concerned with that either.
I don't understand why this is a question about relationships. Your career and your relationship are separate entities. If you're supporting your partner because they have no income at all, that's a different story. If they just can't get to where they need to be, that's the place where you as the partner go to support. IMO.
People should stick by the one they love through hard times like this. My boyfriend has been struggling to get a job ever since we started dating. I'm (almost) 21 years old, I go to school, and I have a job; I'm old enough to support myself and I'm not married to him so he doesn't need to support me financially. Thankfully, he was recently hired at PSE&G so he'll be set until he retires. It never bothered me that he didn't have a job while I did because he was still able to function financially for himself. At the end of the day, I'm with him because I love him...not because of his financial or job status.
It's a totally different story when your SO is doing absolutely nothing to get a job and they expect you to support them financially. Now that's some BS.