Wednesday, 11 July 2012
It's been a few weeks. The 8 a.m. "good morning" texts. Lunches during work breaks. Dinners after long shifts and the weekend movie nights. Everything thus far has been smooth sailing. The "getting to know you" phase; where nothing's too complicated and everything flows because you don't know one another well enough for there to be much else. But, then the questions get redundant and soon you start to wonder about the future of the company you keep and ask yourself the pivotal question: What are we?
This seems to be the question so many people want the answers to after several dates and hour long phone calls. But the fear of making things "complicated" often pushes the breaks on such a simple question.
So what is it? At what point does all the effort of putting your best foot forward actually result in a meaning of it all? Let's not be coy. Women are often the ones who voice this question to begin with. Men are able to ride the wave and not give much thought into labels or defining "hanging out." But like anyone should, women need to know where they stand at all times. It's how we're programmed.
We'd rather you let us know what it is we're doing, so there is no need to guess. And trust me, if you let us, we will SURELY draw our own conclusions which is often the problem we face in so many of relationships, simply because we fail to realize that men are not wired like we are.
Let me be less vague.
Over time and relationships, I've learned a few valuable things about men. One, they don't like games. As much as we, as women, think they do, they don't. The guessing games we play as women, men would rather bypass. To them, it's just... "Come right out and say it! Why should I have to guess what you're feeling or know what you're thinking when you have the vocal ability to tell me yourself?"
As simple as it may seem, women often find that hard to handle. I mean let's be real ladies, how many arguments have surfaced resulting from this very issue?
Lastly, two, just because you may see something resulting from the dates, doesn't mean he does. Like I pointed out prior, men like to go with the flow. Nothing too complicated, no pressure. Yes, he may like you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's looking for a relationship. You could very well just be fun to hang out with. A distraction he's not used to.
I say all this to conclude: Dating is a process in which you take the time to get to know someone to see what relationship may form. It may be friendship, partnership or simply sexual. Whatever it may be, these things need to be defined within a reasonable time of money spent and hours in each other's company. The last thing you'd want is to go through a whole ordeal and have that taunting question of where you stand.
Man or woman, no one likes to feel like they're being played or taken for a ride. Labels may not be what everyone wants, but trust me, they're necessary to place boundaries. You want people to know their place and where you see or don't see things going.
So if asked at any given point about the status of the relationship with the person you're seen with most frequently, do you honestly know your position? Are you the homie, lover, or friend?