Tuesday, 10 July 2012
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What Makes for Good Kissing Chemistry?
I’m confounded. Are there ‘good #kissers’ and ‘bad kissers,’ or are two given people simply compatible kissers or incompatible kissers? Could someone who I think of as a bad kisser actually be a good kisser to someone else? Is a good kisser someone who’s sensually perceptive and kinesthetically aware, someone who knows how to read another person's body and respond, reflexively, to its cues?
When I posed this question to friends (after sharing a spontaneous Saturday night #kiss with some random, very cute Hofstra grad student with whom -- bless his heart -- I *DID NOT* have primo #kissing compatibility), one of them said: “Maybe no one ever told them they’re bad…”
I would like to file who I perceive to be “bad kissers” into the following four categories: 1) Face-Eaters (who I assume aim for the mouth but generally end up either too far North or too far South), 2) Dead Fish (who do little but stand there and salivate), 3) Inept Biters (biting can be sexy if done correctly, appropriately, and in moderation, but very much the opposite if done incorrectly or in excess), and of course, 4) Pointy/JabbyTongue-Stabbers (need I provide a definition? …In my opinion, the WORST of the worst).Good kisses can be fast (and furious) or slow (and tender), deep or not… but any which way, when the kiss is good, it *always* means that my #mouth is in synch with my partner’s. When I move, they move… JUST LIKE DAT. When I dip, they dip, we dip. Are bad kissers so absorbed in what they’re doing that they’re not participating in a conversation, but rather, engaging in a non-verbal monologue?
I’ve never tried (and on principle, I kind of refuse to), but honestly, I’m not sure that it’s possible to teach someone to kiss well. I feel as though one’s ability to kiss with finesse is natural and intuitive… like rhythm, you either have it or you don’t. People who have rhythm can go out on the dance floor and catch a groove/feel their way through a song they’ve never heard before… people who don’t… well, can’t. (This is not to say that all bad dancers are bad kissers! It’s just an analogy!)
I’ve swapped spit with many people in my 24 years on Earth. I kissed some of them in moments of genuine, irrepressible, dumb, crazy passion. I kissed some of them experimentally, even if I didn’t feel all that attracted or in-the-moment. I kissed some of them out of sheer boredom… some of them as a result of spin-the-bottle or truth-or-dare (yes, I know. Shut up)… some of them while sloppy-drunk… some of them impetuously… some of them after weeks or months of glorious, idiotic tension/build-up.
I’ve shared TERRIBLE kisses with people who I thought were beautiful, who I felt VERY physically attracted to before we STARTED kissing. All the same, I’ve shared OVER-THE-MOON kisses with people who I felt sort of lukewarm towards pre #lip-lock.Does it boil down to a combination of chemicals and mechanics? Complementary styles? A knack for improvisation? WHAT’S THE X-FACTOR? I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!
WHAT MAKES FOR GOOD KISSING CHEMISTRY? Does it take just one party to sabotage a kiss? Or does it *always* take two?
(Image found at thejoesweeney.com)
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About the Author
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- From: Jeanette
- Name: Jeanette
- Location: Long Island, New York, United States
- About Me: I'm fascinated by human behavior! How we -- as human beings and members of this society -- relate to one another in sex and love is particularly interesting to me.
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Comments (29)
"..but honestly,I’m not sure that it’s possible to teach someone to kiss well."
Um, I'm sure with enough practice, they learn how to kiss well. Then again, everyone has a difference preference; some like biters, some like sensual and slow, and some just like to pretend you're a fudgesicle on a hot, summer day. Maybe you just kiss someone who didn't have a lot of practice. And if they do not kiss the way you would like them to, but know you would be kissing them in the future, let them know. Otherwise, either find someone else or you have yourself to blame.
#thisisn'ttwitter
yeah, i'm with @laytexduckie@xanga here, though i'll be a little more blunt about it: i think you're kind of a prissy bitch to not teach someone something "out of principle". what exactly is this principle?
omg tongue stabbers are the worse.
I'd probably have to be pre-smitten with the guy in order to feel anything. even if dennis oh isn't a good kisser, which I doubt because I'm biased and he's perfect, then he has to at least be an amazing hugger, and I'd likely be just as happy hugging him as my body goes numb from the panic attack, but he got my back literally
the thought of making out with a random drunk gigolo at the club makes me puke.
I think it's more like there are skillful kissers and unskilled kissers. And just like with any skill there are some naturals who get it great right off the bat, and others who need a little practice to increase their skill. I don't think there are any inherently bad kissers who will now and forever be horrible if they wish to get better at it.
Also people who lack rhythm naturally can also be taught rhythm, it's not that hard. Might take them a little more concentration than the naturals, but still teachable.
I'm with you. I had a guy friend that I thought was cute but every time we hung out I was reminded of why we weren't together. There were some things about him that just drove me insane! I only liked him as a freind but he was always pushing for more (which just added to my annoyance). One day he kissed me and I was surprised at how I literally got dizzy and my heart would race and my stomach would be full of butterflies. I could barely catch my breath. The kissing was fun but I never liked him as more than a freind. Then there was this guy that I really, REALLY liked. For 7 years. The first time he kissed me it was nice and everything but my body didn't have that same physical reaction as it did with my freind. I never understood why that happened.
It is DEFINITELY possible to teach someone to kiss well. I was a natural, but when my boyfriend and I first got together, he wasn't a good kisser. Now, when I allow him to kiss other people as part of party shenanigans, other people have agreed that we're both good kissers. However, I think us having been together and having similar styles means that we're extra fussy about other kissers (most of my friends are fairly inexperienced and not too great).
I think kissing compatibility comes down to a mix of personality, chemistry, and previous experience.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Same principle of women who won't tell their man what they want in bed- if he doesn't "get it", she's not telling him? Same females who wait passively for their knight in shining armor without bothering to make sure they're interesting and sweet and worth the effort. Same women who just will not give any hints or direction on what they might like as a birthday present, then get all pissed off when the guy does it wrong.
Yucko.First, I just have to say what is up with the hashtags? Holy crap. As far as kissing goes, there are definitely bad kissers out there but there are some girls who either don't care or are bad kissers, too, to it works for them. I do think there's always room for improvement, though, & I think everyone's kissing style changes to match a new partner's after they've been together for awhile. I love seeing how our styles change to complement one another as the relationship grows.
I stopped reading because I didn't like the hashtags so I'm going to make up my own theory on what this entry was about and say that there are bad kissers. I have been assaulted with tongues in my mouth before and slobbered all over my face. Those are two definite no's. I try to teach guys how to kiss if I don't like the way they do it. I won't say it and I haven't done it in awhile, but I'll do like lip nibbles on them or whatever I like and see how they respond. If they continue with the tongue down my throat or their spit on my face, I'm out.
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - HAHAHHAHA at your first sentence I died
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - god that shit is just SO fucking hot (roll eyes).
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - What, you expect personality or something? That seems sexist. Lol.
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - don't be ridiculous. unicorns don't exist. you're a big girl, you should know that :p
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - ...I have no come back for that. Burned. Damn.
.@WaitingToShrug@xanga - hahaha. you should also know that nobody can out-wit me. but, tell you what. since i think you're such a sweetheart, when your birthday rolls around, i'll let you one-up me. just once though!
I think people can definitely be taught to be good kissers. Most of the inexperienced men I kissed seemed to use their tongues like deadly weapons. With some gentle guidance, however, they were reformed.
Luckily, I'm older now and most of the men I date are experienced enough to not slobber on me or stick their tongues down my throat. Still, there is definitely an element of compatibility and everyone has their own style. I enjoy kissing some men far more than others just for this reason.
Also, why would you refuse to teach someone how to kiss well? It can be quite rewarding!
I agree with JusticeCho in regards to skilled/unskilled kissers. I think people can learn to be better kissers, as with sex. Your partner cannot read your mind. You guide them with your hands, your body and your tongue. You might even need to tell them, but do it gently. If the partner doesn't get it or refuses to change...well, maybe he/she isn't compatible.
you are missing out by not telling men how you want them to kiss you (or anything else for that matter). It is a part of exploring and getting to know your partner. Men aren't psychics that automatically know what every woman wants.
I *think* you can teach someone. But you have to make it like you are just showing them the *stye* that you like the most. Or else they will get offended. You never know what other partners have told ur guy/girl to do. Everyone has a preference
And there are probably also those people who are inept and can't figure out the communication.
I think it has a lot to do with your true feelings for the person you're kissing and how much you are actually attracted to them. With my first boyfriend, I hated kissing him, and I wasn't really physically attracted to him at all. With my boyfriend now though, I can't get enough of him. I would kiss him all day and all night if I could.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Dennis Oh<3 and Daniel Henney :D that is all. lol.
As for this post XD . I can't kiss someone if I'm not attracted at the very least. I turned out to be a natural, but I'd say part of it is experience. I haven't kissed many guys, though and luckily only one was bad. My first boyfriend however did have some trouble with tongue :P I fear the day I'd need to teach someone because I wouldn't know how to teach such a thing x__x
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Yes! That's not too far off. I'm looking forward to this with breathless anticipation. :D
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - @WaitingToShrug@xanga - HAHAHA!!! Oh, you guys.....I guess that was all I had to say to that. (slinks away with head slumped)