Tuesday, 10 July 2012
I’m confounded. Are there ‘good #kissers’ and ‘bad kissers,’ or are two given people simply compatible kissers or incompatible kissers? Could someone who I think of as a bad kisser actually be a good kisser to someone else? Is a good kisser someone who’s sensually perceptive and kinesthetically aware, someone who knows how to read another person's body and respond, reflexively, to its cues?
When I posed this question to friends (after sharing a spontaneous Saturday night #kiss with some random, very cute Hofstra grad student with whom -- bless his heart -- I *DID NOT* have primo #kissing compatibility), one of them said: “Maybe no one ever told them they’re bad…”
I would like to file who I perceive to be “bad kissers” into the following four categories: 1) Face-Eaters (who I assume aim for the mouth but generally end up either too far North or too far South), 2) Dead Fish (who do little but stand there and salivate), 3) Inept Biters (biting can be sexy if done correctly, appropriately, and in moderation, but very much the opposite if done incorrectly or in excess), and of course, 4) Pointy/JabbyTongue-Stabbers (need I provide a definition? …In my opinion, the WORST of the worst).
Good kisses can be fast (and furious) or slow (and tender), deep or not… but any which way, when the kiss is good, it *always* means that my #mouth is in synch with my partner’s. When I move, they move… JUST LIKE DAT. When I dip, they dip, we dip. Are bad kissers so absorbed in what they’re doing that they’re not participating in a conversation, but rather, engaging in a non-verbal monologue?
I’ve never tried (and on principle, I kind of refuse to), but honestly, I’m not sure that it’s possible to teach someone to kiss well. I feel as though one’s ability to kiss with finesse is natural and intuitive… like rhythm, you either have it or you don’t. People who have rhythm can go out on the dance floor and catch a groove/feel their way through a song they’ve never heard before… people who don’t… well, can’t. (This is not to say that all bad dancers are bad kissers! It’s just an analogy!)
I’ve swapped spit with many people in my 24 years on Earth. I kissed some of them in moments of genuine, irrepressible, dumb, crazy passion. I kissed some of them experimentally, even if I didn’t feel all that attracted or in-the-moment. I kissed some of them out of sheer boredom… some of them as a result of spin-the-bottle or truth-or-dare (yes, I know. Shut up)… some of them while sloppy-drunk… some of them impetuously… some of them after weeks or months of glorious, idiotic tension/build-up.
I’ve shared TERRIBLE kisses with people who I thought were beautiful, who I felt VERY physically attracted to before we STARTED kissing. All the same, I’ve shared OVER-THE-MOON kisses with people who I felt sort of lukewarm towards pre #lip-lock.
Does it boil down to a combination of chemicals and mechanics? Complementary styles? A knack for improvisation? WHAT’S THE X-FACTOR? I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!
WHAT MAKES FOR GOOD KISSING CHEMISTRY? Does it take just one party to sabotage a kiss? Or does it *always* take two?
(Image found at thejoesweeney.com)