Sunday, 08 July 2012
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Social Awkwardness, A User's Guide
If you're anything like me (I hope to God for your sake you're nothing like me, but to avoid an argument, let's just say you are) then you have overwhelming knowledge of being the socially awkward one on a date. You've fumbled your way through interactions with other people, thoroughly embarrassing yourself, until you finally give up and take your bruised ego (and in my case of tripping a lot, actual bruises) home and log on to blog about it.
But what is Social Awkwardness, exactly?
Social awkwardness is most prevalent in people who spend more time on the Internet than in real-life social situations, so if you make a habit of reading blogs, you may be socially awkward (it's okay, we can help). If you're not sure about this diagnosis, social awkwardness can manifest in one or more of the following symptoms:
- Inability to speak in front of someone you like
- Inability to shut up in front of someone you like
- Inability to walk/stand up/sit properly
- Lie compulsively about your age/interests/background to get them to like you
- Trying to make yourself seem dumber than you actually are
- Trying to make yourself seem smarter than you actually are*
- saying "yes" when you mean "no" (and vice versa)
- forgetting you speak English (or whatever language you speak)
as well as many others.
For those suffering from social awkwardness, there are really only two options.
The first is to try and seem as normal as possible. Relax. Don't take it too seriously. Don't try to be something you're not. If they're not completely impressed with your natural-born amazingness, they're not worth your time. Think before you speak. Take a breath and calm down before you move in any way. Maybe practice some conversation topics beforehand, in order to avoid the all too common suddenly-mute situation.
The second, and my personal favorite, option is to kick it up a few notches. Be the awkward. Be as awkward as possible. Say weird things; make weird faces. Blatantly state unpopular opinions. Use made-up words. Be extra-loud in public. Throw in some awkward physical contact if the situation feels right. If you choose this route, you may loose the attention of someone you like, but eventually you will find someone who accepts and embraces your awkwardness (and maybe even finds it funny?) and that, my friends, is the person you want to be with.
*side note: I once read James Joyce's Ulysses to impress a guy. That's slogging though 800 pages of badly edited Irish shenanigans to get a boy to like me. Spoiler alert, it didn't work out.
Anyone have a lot of experience with being socially awkward? Tips to deal or funny stories to make us feel better about ourselves? Leave them in comments!
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- From: Allison
- Name: Allison
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- About Me: A 20-something denizen of the interwebs, who chronically suffers from writer's block.
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Comments (29)
TL;DR: Be yourself.
I agree. Be yourself, awkward or outgoing. Don't act. It will be obvious.
Have no shame in yourself!
this is all a moot point for girls, because everyone knows that girls will never fuck an awkward guy, but instead always seek to "date up", thereby never needing to worry about this.
i have to lie about my age a lot. i prefer chicks in their early 30s, but most of them aren't into guys younger than themselves, so it's kind of necessary for me to stretch things a little bit. fortunately, i look older than i am, and am way ahead of my peers career-wise (which i only say because i've gotten comments on this)...but unfortunately, i'm a terrible liar, so i've had some pretty awkward moments before as a result of this.
and just for the record, i'd find it somewhat endearing if a girl couldn't stop talking around me because she liked me. maybe that's just cause i like people who talk a lot, though. (on the other hand, if a girl wasn't talking, i'd read it as a lack of interest and move on.)
my talkative coworkers are actually the socially awkward people all along. I noticed that they hum, clear their throats, doodle on a piece of paper, scramble in their purse to pretend to find something, sneak a peek at their phone to text message or they keep sighing, and just can't stay still because they have to find something to fill in the silent "awkward" moments as if silence is the end of the world. I'll be content in my silence when there isn't much to do during the early hours and they'll look at me like I'm crazy because they are going craaaazy
and when they do talk, they tend to over emphasize their laugh with an obnoxious chortle as if cueing the audience to laugh even when it isn't that funny. I'm usually very calm and don't feel compelled to fill in the silences. I don't get too nervous, because I'll just ignore them altogether
during one of my presentations in front of many people, my heart rate was high, but I asked my friend if I looked nervous and she told me that she couldn't tell, because I can disguise it well
I have a really awkward friend and she's the super coolest person ever. I'm a pretty awkward guy too and make things awkward. We have a lot of the same classes together so we study together and we always get into awkward situations and it's just funny as hell haha. And I do like her for her awkwardness. So, awkward isn't bad. =]
Uhhh... I used to be socially awkward throughout high school and into my first two years of college, though now I've improved a lot. In my 22 year "long" life I've managed to have only two girls hang out (coffe/not-quite-date thing) with me, and none of them followed up. Here's to hoping your socially awkward experience turns out better than mine.
people aren't really my thing
I just practiced. I made myself socialize. I have my occasional awkward moments. The key is realizing that nothing is awkward if you just go with it. And I don't try to be more awkward because that's not me either.
I'm not a big talker in person. I've made the mistake of trying to be this outgoing, funny guy when that's not me. I've all but given up on trying to put on a comedy show because that's not me. I just let the girl do the talking. That way, my body language doesn't suggest that I'm overly nervous and not in control.
Of course, I only date (and dance with) women I think are hot.
I always feel like I try too hard to make a good impression even if I'm not acting any different than I usually do, so I clam up and stare off into space or just sit around idly while everyone around me is enjoying themselves. It's a horrible habit of mine. I usually get all awkward until someone tries to include me; otherwise I feel that I'm intruding in conversations. Stupid way of thinking, right?
I wouldn't say I'm awkward, but I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert. I'm in a band with a bunch of extroverts. I love hanging out with them when it's just us, because we have so much fun when it's just the four of us. But everyone else in the band went to high school together, and sometimes they want to hang out with all their high school friends, and their girlfriends...and then I suddenly feel like I have no clue what to say and how to act, and it's just completely overwhelming. So I try to find the person who looks the least threatening and have an interesting conversation with them...either that or get totally wasted so it doesn't matter...
For some reason, I like asking random women dating questions. Sure it seems awkward to them, but I MUST KNOW THESE THINGS.
I'm not socially awkward, if those are the symptoms.Don't be socially awkward. In practice, socially awkward people are just plain unenjoyable to talk to.
Ignore anyone's comments advocating being socially awkward because in the real-world you often just have 5-minutes or less to make a good impression or else you're immediately cut.
Obvious exceptions are given to at least decently attractive women because a woman's looks are usually enough to hold a guy's attention.
i used to be socially awkward but i kept forcing myself to break out and get rid of that. i'm still a little quieter than most people, but way more confident than i used to be. I don't think "socially awkward" is a good thing to just accept about yourself, unless you just mean you're a little quirky. which is still cool lol
@SlackerSociety@xanga - you're like the second black guy on xanga
the other tall ones are playing basketball. no offense.
I have been working on conversation skills for a while, but now I go swing dancing as a way of interacting with people and learning to be confidant. I am less quiet than I used to be, but sometimes I am not as silly as I want to be because I simply can't find it. I go from times of being way overly emotionally dependent to times of being very "stoic" and way super serious.
@xXDC_luyouXx - is there anything we don't agree on? haha.
I definetly would call my self socially awkward. Over the years, I have become less socially awkward around girls, but still the same around guys. I feel as though I literally scare them away...especially if its a future love interest.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Third, to be correct, but you might as well be right, because @vanedave rarely posts.
People find the fact that I don't feel awkward awkward. A lot of guys strangely enjoy my company despite how much they comment on my awkwardness. :/
meh i am so awkward
my first social interaction of the day is usually painfully awkward, but after that they flow smoothly. Just relax, love yourself, and try and be interested in the other person.
This sounds much less like social awkwardness and much more like crippling insecurity. I'm very awkward --I fumble with my words, am clutzy, have trouble with eye contact-- but I'm always myself. So I think there is a very distinct difference. I wouldn't ever change myself to impress someone else... it's just sometimes "myself" has a few rough edges. haha