Saturday, 07 July 2012
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My First Date Disaster
There are some things you just shouldn't do on a first date. The classic dating faux-pas include talking about marriage, chewing with your mouth open, etc., little things like that.
No one ever sits you down and tells you "You shouldn't yell at him for his bad driving and consequently have a panic attack and hysterically cry while he fills up the gas tank." Yeah. Never read that on a dating tips website. Nope. Didn't.
Let's set the scene, shall we?
It was my first date with my last longish-term significant other (5 mo. from beginning to horrible end. You'd think with a start like this I would have seen that coming, but no, I thought we could "work it out") and he drove (I don't have a license). Now earlier that year I had been in a car "kerfuffle" if you will. Not a full-on accident (no one was hurt), but scary and traumatic enough that I sill have trouble sitting in the back seat (control issues, man, got to love them). But, yeah. I had been in this accident recently enough that I was nervous about him driving, as I had no previous car experience with him and didn't know if he was a good driver or not.
Turns out "not" was the answer, because not twenty minutes into our drive we had to stop for gas* and he pulled across two lanes if traffic with cars coming towards us at a rate that was way to fast for my comfort. Long story short, I screamed, as I was terrified, he pulled into a parking spot and gave me a lecture on how wrong I was**, proceeded to obtain gas, and I had a mini-nervous breakdown which included a panic attack and crying a lot while he was out of the car.
After that it was a mildly pleasant evening filled with food, fun, and an Eddie Murphy movie.
*Isn't this something you're supposed to do before the date? Am I wrong here? I didn't think people got gas while someone they were tying to impress/get to go out with them a second time was in the car. Tip: get gas beforehand. Avoid this situation at all costs.
**Now I know what you're thinking. "And you stayed with this douchebag for five months after these horrific shenanigans?" Why yes, yes I did. And now we all comprehend that I have really bad taste in relationships.
Any dating horror stories? Leave them in comments!
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- From: Allison
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- About Me: A 20-something denizen of the interwebs, who chronically suffers from writer's block.
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Comments (26)
The guy that went on and on and on and on and on and on about how he had meet my father at some event at the UA business school and how my dad shat gold dust rainbows. I was like do you want me to try to steal some hair from his brush or get his toothbrush or something.
Yeah. I hate riding with other people... I probably would have taken the bus before I got in a car with someone I didn't know.
My fiance rolled a four wheeler on me, dislocated my hip, and allowed me to go to the hospital in a tow truck without him because he was drunk and didn't want a DUI.
Under normal circumstances, I would have never spoken to him again...but I lived in a cabin without running water and it was Sunday (so no shower at the university)...anyway, I used him for his running water and, well, the rest is history.
Believe it or not, he's a pretty good guy, aside from that whole drunken four wheeler incident...
driving is *so* 2000 and late. i didn't even know people still did that.
i think the worst dating experience i had was having this girl over for "wine and a movie," aka let's bang. i already thought she was pretty annoying...i don't even know why i went out with her 3 times before then. as her clothes came off, i became less and less attracted to her. like i couldn't even get it up. i finally told her i wasn't going to fuck her. she was pretty offended and left. we never spoke again. probably for the better--she was pretty skanky and there is no fucking way she didn't have something. chalk up another point for those cali girls.
by the way, i won't lie, your first footnote makes you come across as pretty high-maintenance.
Does it really matter that he didn't get gas before he collected you? Maybe it was easier to pick you up and get gas on the way to the restaurant. Also, he had no idea about your driving problems, so how the hell was he supposed to know you were scared? Did you tell him? No, probably not. I'm not trying to be harsh and I know it was only a second date, but he's not a mind-reader. If you don't tell him these problems, he's not going to know how to deal with them.
I thought I had at least one more mile left to drive after I picked up my girlfriend the other night... turns out, the gas light went on immediately after picking her up lol. I've never even seen my gas light on my car... so I freaked out and pulled into the nearest station :) No big deal whatsoever.
I think it is extremely high maintenance to worry about what order your date gets guess/picks you up.
Every car needs gas, who cares when he does it. A date should be more focused on whether the two of you are having a good time and getting along.
I can understand your were scared because of your recent accident, but you really should've talked to him about it before it got out of hand.
My take on the getting gas thing, well, yeah cars need gas, etc etc, but it's not hard to check the tank before and be prepared. I want the sort of guy who makes a little effort to make the first date special.
So, if that is high maintenance to some...better to find that out up front and save us both a lot of time. I mean what would a guy think if I came out in wrecked up clothes and asked if we could stop at the cleaners along the way to pick up my dress? It's not rocket science to be ready for a first date.
Sorry about your panic attack, he couldn't have seen that one coming. I had one early on with my boyfriend over a totally different situation, but the poor guy, he had NO clue where it came from. I explained right away that it had nothing to do with him and what my deal was. I ended the night early so I could regain my composure.
oy... he shouldn't have lectured you.. what he should have done was taken 2 seconds when he pulled into the gas station and find out why you reacted the way you did... he sounds like an idiot. He could have turned that around..
My ex was a bad driver too (11 vehicle related incidents in 2 years).. so I totally get where you are coming from. Nothing like driving with a guy on a snowy road, going way too fast, and when the road turned, the car went straight and we landed 1/4 of an inch from a telephone pole in 3 feet of snow.
I don't think this was about needed gas and him picking you up...I think it was about him being a bad driver and insensitive. And who wants a guy like that??
My worst first date was when I was a sophomore in high school. He talked about himself the whole time and I felt bored. Also the second date was him asking me if I would marry him.. -.-
My worst date was when my boyfriend, who cared more about himself and his car than anything, just wanted to go cruising all night long. While we were driving, I found a lighter and flicked it once just because I was bored, and my boyfriend freaked out on me, yelling and even pulling over the car to lecture me on turning on a lighter in his precious car. Then, he told me to just walk home because I needed the exercise. Needless to say we took a break after that night. Stupid me forgave him two weeks later. Yeah, that ended bad a few months down the road...
@Paige White@facebook -
Thank you! I totally agree. The whole gas thing is absolutely ridiculous, it takes less than five minutes and I don't even understand.. I think people just search for things to judge other people on. It's nothing about preperation, I would never in a million years think that someone would think it was rude to get gas with them in the car.
Also, I was waiting for someone to bring up the screaming from the passengers side thing... just not a good idea, and absolutely a reason to get lectured for. Although, it probably wasn't even a lecture and was more a "you know, screaming like that can absolutely terrfiy and distract a driver, never do that again." kind of thing.
yes, it is something he should have done before the date, but it's no biggie. it might have been easier for him to get it on the way.
Did you explain to him about your issues? That was fucked of him to yell at you, but he probably thought you were a psycho for freaking out while he was driving.
Met up with an Indian guy I met on Zoosk. I told him I liked Indian food, but couldn't handle the spiciness very well, so I avoided it. He insisted we go to an Indian buffet and assured me it was not spicy (never ever going to trust an Indian on this ever again). It was very spicy and not good at all. He got annoyed with how I was eating my food, that I didn't ask him questions about himself, argued with me about things I told him about myself ("You and your brother don't get along? Oh, what a silly thing to say, of course you do!" proceeding in me getting pissed and having to elaborate my brother was abusive toward me as a kid). He even got annoyed when he forgot I wasn't 21 at the time and we couldn't meet him friends at a bar (seriously, on a first date?). Worst part if he kept insisting I stay with him a bit longer.
One time I met a guy on a whim that I talked to on Okcupid after a couple hours at a restaurant. A super awkward 10 minutes that I don't think I ever experienced on a first date before, then he gets a call his car was being towed. I still don't know. That one was just weird.
And lastly, this is more me being the first date horror. I met up with a guy, we decided to just drink and play scrabble at his place, the wine cooler (and guilt over the fact that I had been talking to another guy for a couple of weeks and had a date with him in a couple of days) got to me, and I started tearing up while he was kissing me. I wasn't feeling capable of taking the subway back (I kinda feel down in his hallway) and he sent me home in a cab. Yeeeeeah.
Oh and I got my credit cards stolen on a first date once. The person went into my bag, took my wallet, took my cards, put wallet back, and left. I still to this day don't understand how my ex didn't see someone doing all this behind me when he was facing in that direction. I actually straight up asked if he did it the next day.I may have forgiven the bad driving incident, but you seriously went out with him again after he took you to an Eddie Murphy movie?
And yes, he should have gotten gas before he picked you up. Just like you wouldn't get picked up for a date and do your make up in the mirror next to him, even if it's more convenient.
You're wrong for your first asterisk. Even as a guy who keeps his tank above half at all times, it wouldn't and shouldn't ever cross my mind that it's a necessity in preparation for a date. If she's offset by it, then she's not my type (and I
dotend to go for classy girls). My preparation consists of dressing nice, smelling nice, and making sure my wallet has at least $20 in place.
As far as date horror stories? I don't go on too many 'date' dates. I'd say the only official date that I asked a girl to was coffee (which was ironic, she was a coffee...person. Barista, right?) at a local cafe. She was very Christian, and I knew that going into it, but I had been considering being open-minded in the dating game. We actually had a great time. She was very easy to talk to and funny, and nearly whooped me in risk. Nearly. The only issue was that I kept being afraid she would try to bring up religion. She didn't, and we still talk as friends. The horror I guess came from my own mind! There was nothing to be afraid of, and I beat myself up many times over being so judgmental that day.
WOW what a disaster! He had to get gas....Never heard such a disastrous first date story. You poor thing.......
I went out with a guy I met online one time. He picked me up and took me to his place to game for a bit and do whatever. I'm assuming I was there for maybe ten to twenty minutes before he had to take me home. I had been drinking and got to the point where I blacked out. I threw up all over myself and his super nice car on the way back to my house. We still talk but I blush like crazy every time I think about it. We went out a few times after that.
So I definitely think you shouldn't have freaked out like that afterward, but I might have screamed too if it was a very sudden & risky turn. But I also would have laughed at myself afterward.
I also think he was wrong for lecturing you. As far as getting gas goes, yea it's a little rude & he probably should have done it beforehand but shit happens sometimes, it might have been cheaper there or whatevs. Welcome to young dating. It's the time to make lots of stupid mistakes.
I said it MANY times before and I'll say it again; women are attracted to guys like this. The first date may have been a disaster, but how is it that you stayed with him for five months? Had he been a clean-cut gentleman type who wore a tie and took you out to a fancy restaurant and acted like a nice guy seeking approval, I seriously doubt you would have wanted to see him after that.
Not exactly the worst date but my first outing with my GF was really awkward. Went to pick her up, got lost getting there, was late, got lost again trying to find her actual apt (in my defense, even she admits the place is like a maze), had a nice actual time together but after dropping her off, got lost again trying to find my way to my car =/ Thankfully for me, she found one of my lollipops in the glove compartment, ate it after finding out what it was and became giggly for the rest of night, thus she thought all my screw ups were cute.
that...does not sound like a disaster date at all. nobody likes someone yelling at the way they drive rather you have been in an accident or not...maybe you shouldn't have drove with him then huh???? plus who seriously freaking cares about someone stopping at the gas station while their date is with them? it is going to happen if you were to stay with him for a while or even forever anyway so why not start on the first date? like seriously why is that a concern at all? lol.
hm road rage
It probably would have been more polite to get gas before the date, but I wouldn't really judge someone for it. It would be easy not to notice how full the tank was, especially if you were nervous or focused on getting ready in other ways or maybe simply did not have time.
I'm not sure you have a great perspective on this. You said that you recently were in a car accident in which no one was hurt, that you have control issues, and that you can't even deal with sitting in the back seat... so I'm not sure we can trust your judgement of his driving. The oncoming traffic may not even have been that close, for all we know. I'm not trying to be mean, but that's just what I think, based on what you said. Also, screaming sounds like an extreme reaction; even if you were about to get hit, I think it would probably happen too quickly for you to have the chance to scream. Probably you scared the crap out of him and that's why he was a bit harsh with you.