I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now and we are both going into college this coming fall. He's gonna be in Virginia and I'm going to be in Michigan, but I'm scared about us starting this mostly because I don't know if I'm ready to stay in the relationship. I can't tell if I'm ready to be in this serious of a relationship, but I love him so much; I'm scared that I will end up hating him if he holds me back from finding myself in college.
I go through moods where I just want to be with him and only with him and then I get into other moods where I'm like, "Why am I even doing this anymore?"
I can't make up my mind and I want him to be happy too. All of this is causing him to stress out over me, and it isn't fair to him. He loves me like crazy and I'm just confused with what is going on in my head.
Can people share what they think or what their experience was with high school relationships heading into college?
Thanks guys, I just feel like I'm going insane.
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Comments (46)
Why are you going to separate colleges in different states if you are so much in love?
^ What she said
"I don't know if I'm ready to stay in the relationship."
Don't compartmentalize. You are 50% of "this relationship". Without you, there is no relationship to (not) be in.
If you are still in it, you are ready to still be in it.
"He who wanders with purpose has no purpose to wander."
I'd be glad to. I started a relationship the Fall of my senior year of high school. When I went off to college (4 hours away), he was still in high school, but we had made plans for our future. I would go to college and live in the dorms until he moved for college, and then we would live together. I went home every 2 weeks to visit him (he didn't have a license). It was incredibly hard being so far away from him, and I'm sure it was hard for him as well, considering I had to study more and be "all about us" less.
Fast forward to finals week of my freshmen year. He broke up with me over text. I realized I wasn't in love with him anymore, and that the only reason I was with him still was because I liked the IDEA of him. I just didn't get to it first.
When I think back, I think that the degree that I visited him might have affected the ability to make friends (I had all of 0), but in all honesty, I wouldn't have wanted to be friends with any of those people anyway.
This is my advice to you: stay with him until you know that its not right for you. This shouldn't be a deciding factor in how serious or not serious your relationship is. But also be true to yourself, because it seems as though you were in the same position as me (liking the IDEA of him, not necessarily him).
A side note...you are too young to put your dreams on hold. If you really are in love, then you will make it worth regardless of how far apart you are, and what colleges you go to.
@wildchildofthebluemoon@xanga - People are but ideas to oneself. A physical brain cannot contain another physical brain.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I'm unsure of the meaning (and thus the relevance) to your statement.
For god's sake end it. I have this rule, if I consider breaking up with someone more than twice in a year, then it is over. You know it is love if you don't try to jump ship every time things get a little hairy, which they will, inevitably...you know, finances, sharing space, kids, growing old, etc.
"I liked the IDEA of him."
You cannot contain him in your mind (the thing you think with) because he is a separate physical being of his own. The idea of him (and anyone else for that matter) is all you can possibly like.
So in reality, you didn't like the idea of him.
Free your mind and your ass will follow. (Sometimes I just can't resist ending a comment with an obscure something to ponder about... like a fortune cookie).
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - I was wondering the same thing! If they are in love, especially for two years, they both would have been aware of that fact when applying to colleges. I suspect, they might have questioned if they would be together or should be. Well, unless, they both did apply but got accepted into different places. The true question is: are you willing to sacrifice for him and him for you? If not, maybe it isnt love OR maybe you both need to break up, see other people, and see what happens... though with this option you runt he risk of NOT finding someone else and he does. Either way, I would try to decide something before college starts, I think it would be good for the both of you.
@Doubledb@xanga - Exactly. But they will both find someone else. It's college after all!
my boyfriend and I had been dating for about a year and half when we both went to the same college, but lived on different campuses. he had been having thoughts of "what if I miss out on the college experience?" before we left and I thought we got past them, but apparently we didn't. we went on a break for a few weeks in November and broke up in December. I saw him fairly often before then but it just wasn't the same as it was in high school. we honestly loved each other and I thought we were going to end up together so I was crushed when he broke up with me to see other people. but honestly, I've changed so much as a person in the past 7 months that I've been single. I was able to truly find myself at college (sounds cliche but it's true), I got really close to people who are now my best friends and I've been able to date around and talk to other guys. looking back, I wouldn't have been able to grow so much because I was still living in a high school world because of him. if you two do end up breaking up, it'll be tough for a few months but you'll definitely enjoy your freedom. hope this helped.
I haven't been dating my boyfriend that long, and I'm only 17, but we're going to the same colleges because we both know we're very much in love!
I dunno... I think you're just afraid to be alone. Either break it off or stay. Decide what would be easier. Try a break, if your boyfriend's okay. Or maybe LDR.
I go through the moods that you said. Wanting to be with someone for a moment, and then thinking what the hell am i doing. Its pulling from both ends. But I must say the problem lies in us. I'm not ready to commit into any r/s, but neither do i want to be alone. So i just let it be. I'm not making any decisions to do anything, I'll just let things flow.
wait, a high school couple going to school in different states? AND they're doubting this decision? this is unheard of.
seriously, you're not going to marry this dude. go explore. you'll thank yourself later.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - you are a funny grim reaper angel.
My theory is this - if you have to ask a bunch of strangers on the Internet, it's not worth it.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years now since our sophomore year of high school. We are now both in our local community college together because we couldn't (and still can't!) bear to be apart from one another. If you love him, I don't even think it should be a question on what you should do.I recommend that you just do what you want.
Just end it. If you guys are meant to be or whatever, you will end up back together after you are have finished college. I'm only saying this because it sounds to me like you are scared to let go of him, but ultimately do want to be free. The alternative is stay together, see how it goes, and try not to be bitter if it doesn't work out. And in that case, talk about it beforehand and try to agree not to waste each others time if the other is no longer "in" the relationship.
My best friend offered the out card to her boyfriend before he went off to college (she was going to community college and they were already long distance), told him that she'd understand if he needed some time to just be free, and she'd wait for him. He said "no no, baby, I love you". Went off to college, turned into a dick, was talking to some girl there, and completely wasting my best friend's time. Don't be my best friend's ex. Or my best friend for that matter.
With this kind of attitude, you wouldn't survive a long-distance relationship anyway.
I know of 3 couples that meet in high school who are still together; my parents, my best friend, and another friend from college. The thing they have in common was that there was never a sense of doubt that they wanted to be together for the rest of their lives. It was always a matter of how they were going to work things out.
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As someone who kept a high school relationship going my entire freshman year, break up. Sorry. You're young. You want to have fun in college and who knows who you'll meet. You're young. It'll sting, but you'll get over it. And then you won't end up hating your ex like I hate mine.
I think you guys should enjoy your time together and maybe keep in touch, but you shouldn't stay in (enter?) a relationship together at this point.
If you're so unure about it, don't continue it because it'll hurt the both of you more in the end.
if you don't feel like it's a serious relationship at this point then it probably never will be, so save yourself the heartbreak and endd it before you to to college. only bad things will come of it if you dont.