Thursday, 05 July 2012
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What to Do? I'm So Confused
This post was submitted anonymously.
Quick notes:
She's 24 and I'm 25. She lives in Boston, I live in NYC. I spent New Years and Valentine's Day with her. We exchanged Christmas gifts also (she didn't get me anything cheap) and I never slept with her.This girl I've been close friends with for almost 2 years randomly texted me (at 2AM) that she now has a bf. We have kissed before (she has also stayed at my house, etc.) and she has also lied to me about having a boyfriend before but this time she told me she doesn't want me to talk to her anymore due to this bf.
She wont tell me anything about the guy (who he is, what he does, how they met, etc.) and I did what she asked and backed off (even though I'm 95% sure she doesn't have one). The weird part is her close friends invited me to her surprise birthday party and even though I couldn't make it, I sent her a text message wishing her "Happy Birthday." She replies, "Why don't you stop contacting me?"
The part that confuses me is, why would her friends invite me if they knew about her boyfriend and the situation in general? Also why would she reply to my Bday text more than 27 hours later with that comment (if she really didn't want to talk to me why would she reply?)
It started to somewhat affect my work so my friends and coworkers suggested that I try to talk it over with her. I texted her a message saying, "We've been friends for almost two years and I would hate to see it end due to our argument or due to your boyfriend. Can we arrange sometime during the week to talk about this?"
Not even 30 seconds later I received a message saying, "Sorry I haven't been able to talk/contact you. I'll do that sometime later this week." She didn't contact me until Sunday night at 9PM saying, "Sorry I've been busy... I'll contact you in week or so," so I told her, "I'll contact you during the week instead."Later in the week when I called her, she said she was out with her "fambam" and with her boyfriend. It turns out she wasn't (a little birdie told me). I told her it was okay and I simply wanted to talk about our situation, not her boyfriend. I told her I would contact her after the Olympic trials (and asked her to cheer for me) which I followed by saying, "Anything you can do, I can do better!" (A joke we used to make all the time; guess it wasn't smart to do it now).
She replies four days later saying,
"No you can't because he has something you don't and will never have... me. So please delete my phone number because I don't need anyone else but him. If you ever think you're gonna be better, you already lost my friendship. Thanks for everything and goodbye. Please leave me alone, thank you. Just remember, you'll never be anything to me. Delete me because this is the last message you'll be getting."
Whoa. Where did this all come from? How can I figure out what's going on if she won't even talk to me? I really value the friendship we had and don't want to lose it.
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Comments (37)
Sorry to break the bad news but clearly she does not value your friendship like you do, it's not worth it to keep trying when she clearly is not interested in maintaining your relationship for whatever reason. Honestly she sounds like a bitch and she's done nothing but cause you stress without any answer as to why. If I were you I would just stop trying to talk to her and I know it's hard, but you've gotta move on from this friendship. If she wants to talk to you or contact you, she will. Maybe giving her space is what she needs, that whole "you don't know what you've got til it's gone" thing.
She is a bitch PERIOD. Let her go. I am sorry you got hurt, but she isn't worth the effort.
Do you really need to know why at this point? Like the first commenter, it's best for you to drop it, no matter how hard it may be for you to drop it. It's obvious that you need to drop it when you know she was lying to you about what she was doing and even her possibly having a bf. So if she's gonna lie to you like that, is she even worth it? NYC is a big town, I'm sure you'll meet someone better nearby you.
@colorMEpurple2@xanga - I see your point, but my fiance pulled this on me in the beginning of our relationship/friendship because his feelings were so strong for me but he wasnt ready to settle down yet and the feelings scared the crap out of him. She may just be running, and the mixed signals are because she can't really decide.
Personal opinion, if you feel like there is something more, you need to find out. At this point, what do you really have to lose? I pushed it and now Im marrying my best friend on Sunday. You will never know unless you try and you don't want to have the "what-if." And like I said, you have nothing to lose. But I would try my best to have the talk in person. Eyes cant lie as well as words can.
Why do you want to be friends with someone who lies to you?
She is basically a horrible person. " He has something you don't and will never have... me"? /Really??/ It sounds like she's more in love with herself than she could be with you, even if she chose to date you. Anyone who lies to you like that is not worth keeping as a friend. Definitely find someone better.
Let the long term bite her in the ass.
sorry this happened to you, dude. you probably don't want to hear this, but everyone here is right. this girl is at best a bitch, and at worst a bitch who is completely fucked up in the head. (i do think there are underlying issues here that are completely unrelated to you, by the way.) do yourself a favor, and when she breaks up with this dude and comes running back to her, tell her to go fuck herself. and, delete her phone number now, along with any existing record you have of it, so that you are never, ever tempted to text her, especially when drunk. you seem like a good guy and the thought of her manipulating you this way makes me cringe.
like they say--fuck me once, shame on you, fuck me twice, shame on me. you have gone running back multiple times and each time she has shit in your face. this is not the type of person you want to keep close to you. you don't need this negative energy in your life.
if she's not pretty and all that (im assuming she is), you wouldn't take this sort of shit right???
she doesn't value your friendship
It seems to me that a guy like you deserves a lot better.
If you kept trying after she was nasty enough to tell you to bugger off after the birthday incident then you're obviously a caring person, but you need to learn to stand up for yourself when you're being walked all over. If she is treating you like this then she is not the friend you need in your life. Delete her number and move on with your life and make friendships with people who deserve your love.
Don't sit there playing with the mess of a relationship, even if she turns around and apologises for the way she behaved, could you ever forget the way she treated you and shunned you like that?
Once again lovely, you deserve better!
this girl sounds like a blogger I've read about. she's vietnamese and admits to being stuckup
she's like kim k. and tells guys to get the eff away from her yet they keep trying to hit on her. they are masochists. her blog is funny. I won't call her out.
*OFF TOPIC*
I can't post in the advice section (asking/answering questions).
It says:
Sorry, you need to actually put something in your post.
< and try again, thank you.
anyone experiencing this? Or know why I can't?
Whether she is lyIng to you Or her friends invite you to a party being thrown for he, thats all irrelevant! She doesnt want to talk to you or she is Jett drama. It's nof worth it. Forget about her.
You know that Demi Lovato song, give your heart a break or something? Seriously, you need to find a girl that is fun to cuddle and easy to love... spend a little time in a low-expectations, low-maintenance relationship driven on mutual interests and laughter. You've only got so much soul to be sucked out, and I think she's taken all she can.
You're a good guy and she's a bitch. I know you like her, but she used you. She's not a nice person at all. Just walk away before you get even more hurt.
Ok she asked you to stop contacting her... why didn't you? If you "value the friendship" so much then you'd have a little respect when she asks you to leave her alone.
If she wanted contact with you, she would contact you.
If she does contact you.. you could try to reply with something along the lines of "you asked me not to contact you, and im trying hard to respect that. So please stop texting me"
And that last thing sounds like something my ex wrote to my guy friends when he hacked into my FB account... Lost a couple good friends that day.
Pardon my language, but she sounds like a straight up cunt. Some girls are just like this. I would forget about her & move on.
you should probably just stop.
coming from somwbody like me, there's irony in it; but I'll do it when I need to and I never bothered asking hundreds of strangers.
it sounds like she liked you but was a pussy about it and she can't deal with the fact that you weren't completely devestated and pining over her. ps. she's nuts.
You should be grateful that you didn't stick your dick in crazy!
Let her go on her misguided way, guy.
There is the possibility of her simply being a horrible person.
Then there is the possibility of a controlling boyfriend. I'm not even sure which explanation I favor given the evidence, but another poster kind of tipped me off talking about a message her ex sent to her guy friends.
Try talking to her friends. And if they don't give you a real reason to worry, then drop the girl and all the unnecessary stress. Throw your phone and get a new one, remove her from the contacts and go have fun.
On the other hand, you should have dropped the subject the first time and let her contact you. I know it's frustrating when you don't hear back when you want, but it'll prove either that she is or isn't interesting in saving your friendship. Two years between work and other commitments is like the time between the glass tipping and juice spilling when you're comparing it to the rest of the party.
if you really are intent on pursuing this then you should talk to her friends, show them the texts and get an explanation. they know enough about her to know the truth of what's going on but if they invited you to a party they apparently like you, well, that or they are trying to set you up for failure by making you look like a stalker for showing up where you're not wanted.
either way she is insane and a liar neither bodes well so you should probably drop her.