Tuesday, 03 July 2012
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Relationship Needs Shot of Caffeine!
The title says it all... it feels as though my relationship with my boyfriend of over 3 years has gotten a bit stale recently, and not just in the last few weeks. I'm not sure when the sluggish feeling infiltrated our relationship, but right now it's doing a bit of damage on both sides. The problem? Time, money, and energy.-Time: Until recently, I was working an internship and a part-time job, which gave me limited time to do anything with him. Now that my internship has ended, I'm only working part-time. He started a new job several months ago that requires him to wake up at 2:30AM six days a week, and he usually gets off of work anywhere from 8AM to 1PM.
-Money: We have been living together since our 6 month anniversary (aka 2 1/2 years), therefore we pretty much consider our resources to be pooled though we still keep our finances pretty separate and equal (though not entirely). I am also in debt to my brother (another story entirely) due to my school loans. Money is tight and we can only afford to spend little.
-Energy: This is mostly his issue. He is tired all the time because of his grueling work schedule so he doesn't want to do anything that requires energy. AKA everything that I like to do (swimming, hiking, biking, etc).
I'm at a loss of what to do to give my relationship a much needed jolt. I've tried to be more forward with sex (which is a request he has made before) but I need more than that to feel that we still have that same connection.
Help! Any advice (that does not advocate breakup or talking about it more with him) or ideas for fun things to do that do not require much money/energy?
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- From: Kuira@xanga
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Comments (8)
There are tons of fun things you can do for free/cheap... but I found one thing that really helps my hubby and I is to plan our date nights... (yes, he has actually set up sitters and asked me out on a date, its sweet).. if you plan it in advance, you can rest up for it.. and save up for it so money is not an issue... We have 2 date days a month (we kid swap with my brother and his wife so we go out every other Sunday) and then usually 2 other Fridays/Saturdays a month.
Some of our favourite dates have been just going out for coffee/ice cream or a picnic... doesn't have to cost a lot money.. you could even check out community plays and outdoor movies in the park (depending on where you live)..
So talk to him (ha ha i know you said not to say that, but you need to speak to the guy). Good luck =)
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is there any way he can transfer to day shift? and how much does this specific job mean to him? my first thought having worked night shift before- was to help him get a new job or get the day shift. it really does mess with things so much, its not healthy for probably most people. i think that would be a good thing, just see how he feels about it and get applications for other places so he's not trapped in it for long. i feel if he got a more sane job and hours he would feel much better (and be more game to do fun things). night shift is fun because of the vibe and its usually pretty relaxed and better. but i don't think its easy to carry on a normal life with those hours. there might be other things to work on, i just noticed an immediate need probably not being filled: sleep.
how about board games? a jigsaw puzzle? read a book together?
Hum interesting will I would just have to keep trying to catch up now and then and work things out. Also depends on your two Love language http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/
as well. Keep at it. It will all work out.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - scheduling it too far ahead of time doesn't work because his energy levels vary by day depending on how many hours he worked that day (he does heavy manual labor in addition to his other duties). But you have a point.
@xxfl1@xanga - He's been working for 3 years to get this job (this is his 2nd month) and in a few months it will enable us to move to our own apartment, so switching jobs is definitely out of the question. He goes to bed around 7-8 PM and wakes up at 230-3 AM so sleep isn't too much of an issue, he's used to getting by on less.
@greenteasinger@xanga - haha I wish! He has horrible ADD so calm activities are a no-go.
@sting160675@xanga - I developed mine off of his, seeing as our relationship is my first serious one. But I've been trying extra hard to fulfill his needs lately which makes me feel a little like mine aren't filled.
Hm this is a toughie.
It seems like you guys have the stability factor down now that he has a good job, but it keeps the relationship from reaching its fullest potential.
You guys both need to put in a lot of effort to keep the fire going. Set aside an exclusive schedule for intimacy and sex and apply consequences if they're not met. Also, have date nights weekly. Give each other massages and do little sweet things for each other to show you care. Watch movies together, bake or cook together, volunteer at a shelter/senior home/soup kitchen.
@Kuira@xanga - Have you told him this? How long is he planning to work at this current job?