Tuesday, 03 July 2012
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I Love My Introvert
I date an introvert. Her voice fits her. It’s small, but I hear every word when I’m listening properly.I think introverts are one of the most misunderstood kind of people. People assimilate introversion with quietness and shyness, but they don’t always go together. Sometimes introverts come off as rude, and maybe they are a bit. My girlfriend has told me she doesn’t want to waste words on people she doesn’t want to speak to. I find it arrogant, in a very intoxicating kind of way.
When you gain the trust of an introvert its like finding the key to a lock that everyone else either gave up, or didn’t bother looking for. People who cast off introverts as quiet and boring are idiots. Introverts are not quiet when they trust you. They pick their moments. Some days I make conversations with myself. Other days she can’t shut up, and I sit there wondering when our relationship got so loud.
She can be the most vicious little bitch I know, but people are too busy being loud and obnoxious to notice her judging them. She laughs at them for the number of words they use, and how little their words mean. She doesn’t understand why you would waste words when saying nothing makes more sense.
If you date an introvert there is no point in trying to “bring them out their shell.” Some have shells, and some don’t. Some want to talk more, and some are comfy just as they are. It’s not for loud people to make introverts talk. If you want to befriend, or date, an introvert you need to learn to shut up and not force conversations. Silences aren’t awkward. They aren’t blank spaces that always need to be filled up.
Angry introverts are scarier than angry extroverts. And you have to wait hours for the argument. When my girlfriend’s upset with me I know the hurt I’ve caused, and the way she chooses to express it, has been clearly thought out. An introvert’s hard words are like diamonds. They can cut you in half.
If you have one in your life don’t let them go. From what I’ve learned from being with one, once you lose an introvert’s trust, you lose them forever. I hope to never find out.
Have you ever been lucky enough to date an introvert?
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About the Author
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- From: lovelife
- Name: Iona
- About Me: I love lots of things, although at the top of my list is Harper Beckham, possibly the best dressed baby ever. Aside from creeping Harper I love Stumbling, running, weight training, and eating chocolate pudding whenever possible. I'm not a relationship expert but I'm happy to throw my two cents in
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Comments (68)
I'm an introvert (INTJ) and my boyfriend is also one (INTP). All my friends are some combinations of the Jungian IN's. I don't generally find extroverts interesting but I don't let typology determine my relationships either.
I'm very impressed with your words! I happen to be an introvert, and I can identify with everything you've said.
@wing_stock@xanga - I feel the same about extroverts. I can try, and try to be friends with them, but its very difficult and I find myself less than enthusiastic about the friendship.
My boyfriend and I are both introverts.
nah, i prefer extroverts, assuming your girlfriend fits the definition of an introvert. i like people who are engaging.
Wish my ex could have seen this, because I don't think he quite understood it (as an extreme extrovert himself.)
Good post.i'm pretty sure everyone knows how i feel about this topic by now, so i'm just going to say "god forbid" this time and leave it at that.
I have a crush on an introvert but I'm an extrovert..I don't know how to talk to him lol or this post is really saying don't talk to him...just wait for him to talk to you? How do you even know if an introvert likes you when they don't say much lol
Wow, great post!
I was a bookworm as a kid and really shy, so I had to work to break out of that mold and turn myself into more of a social person. I'm a lot more social than I used to be, but I definitely need time and space to myself on a regular basis or I get stressed out and irritable. A lot of my introverted behavior used to be related to cynicism; I thought most people were mind-numbingly stupid and thus not worth any of my time, but that's pretty much changed since high school.
I have more fun with extroverts, but nearly all of my best conversations and ideas have come from talking with other introverts. Extremes on either side don't appeal to me though; I have some friends who are so egregiously social and talkative that it's really annoying and some friends who are so introverted and boring that they never want to go out or try anything new. Neither type interests me very much.
Myers-Briggs has me as an INTJ btw.
I'm an extreme introvert dating an extreme extrovert. And it's definitely a challenge. There are times where he doesn't understand why I feel a certain way or why I seem upset or fatigued in large group outings. But it's the difference that makes it feel like everyday, I'm learning more and more about him.
My sister is an introvert. Her fiance is an extrovert. They compliment each other quite nicely.
I am an introvert!
(And I approve this Blog!)
I seem fairly outgoing on the surface. But I'm actually kind of shy with people I don't know. I'd prefer to date another introvert. Extroverts kind of scare me. Even though I think my crush might be one. But he doesn't try to pry me out of my shell, so he's cool. It just drives me crazy when he wants to be around tons of people. I don't think he has any idea how overwhelming it can be for me.
Yay introverts :)
I married one. He is the most trustworthy man I have ever met. The whole lock and key thing is exactly how I felt when I met him. He even told me it was as if I was just seeping into the areas of his life no one else was allowed to go. i felt so special. =]
HOWEVER, it is very very difficult to understand each other. I do agree introverts are gems, so long as they are not angry with people. I do find my husbands neglet of people, arrogant, and I struggle with that often, I LOVE everyone. No one is worthless to me and no time spent with people feels wasted. So, even though I love my introvert... it would be nice if he too would try to understand how I opperate just as I do all I can to understand him.
some days, I just feel wrong because, to him, just being me doesn't work in his world. I need to quiet down, slow down... and just relax. but that is totally not me!!!!!
@flapper_femme_fatale@xanga - Introverts ARE engaging. They just require more time to open up to people since it takes more energy for them to process all the different types of stimuli coming their way. I don't think that's a bad thing at all because they're usually very observant of others' behaviors and so create more nuanced impressions of people. Being an introvert myself, I find them less judgmental than extroverts for this reason. It's not that we're misanthropes or socially inept; we just sometimes happen to prefer the rich inner lives we've built for ourselves. We interact with others and enjoy that time, but we don't need as much time with people to fill up our "social quotas" because we're just as comfortable being alone as we are in others' company. We love our family, friends, and SOs deeply, but don't feel the need to constantly say the words or constantly seek reassurance; instead, we communicate our feelings through actions and expect the same from the others in our lives.
That said, there are many complexities to what we call "introverts" and "extroverts." I second @DarcKleer@xanga's recommendation of "Quiet." You'll be surprised to learn how many "introverts" exhibit classically "extroverted" traits like an outgoing nature, talkativeness, a bubbly personality and more, and how many "extroverts" possess "introverted" characteristics like needing alone time, shyness, aloofness, and more. Psychologists and social scientists are learning more every day about these kinds of peoples, dispelling long-held myths and stereotypes.
My fiance is a text book introvert. It took me a long time to "get it", that I didn't need to keep trying to pry him open. Sometimes I find it kind of exhausting, like, he gets overwhelmed by a long grocery shopping trip, and just all the interactions required for that. And then at the most unexpected moments (on our walks home from the train station, recently) he'll just launch into the longest stories about his childhood, or something random. I absolutely love him, but it is hard to be with him in social situations sometimes. Because I know he comes off to other people as not very friendly, and they take that to mean he doesn't like them.
I'm an introvert. I often find extroverts obnoxious. I usually just want to tell them to STFU
they usually ask me why I'm not talking
then they feel compelled to tell me what they did on their weekend or what happened yesterday when I didn't ask and they know that I don't care from my facial expression, yet they keep talking to me, because they just can't hold it in and have to spill their beans non-stop. then I feel like *whew* he/she finally stopped talking, but later the chatty chipmunk gets itchy again, so I try to ignore, because I'm at work and I'm suppose to be working, and my job is to interact with business guests, not entertain or listen to the annoying fcukers
I usually like hanging out with cute introverted guys and I'll daydream about him during the silences
and he might do the same
then he'll ask me why I suddenly have a smirk on my face
but he'll have a smirk, too, because he's thinking about what I'm thinking
and we'll sigh simultaneously in pleasure
it'll be wonderful
yup. i don't like forced convos
An interesting read for those with misconceptions about introverts. Not really the whole picture (no one has that yet), but a good start at educating yourself about the subject: http://jerrybrito.org/post/6114304704/top-ten-myths-about-introverts?1d4ef638
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Too right
@books8137@xanga - awesome link.
I'm an introvert and so's my boyfriend. We fit together really well because we both "get" each other's need for free time and personal space. I don't get offended if he wants some time alone or just doesn't want to talk for a while. But when he's interested in something, he can talk for hours.
I don't really like being around loud people who talk just for the sake of making noise. I don't get it. Just shut up! I get grief from my colleagues at work because I don't always talk as much as they do, but I'd rather work in silence then force pointless small-talk about the weather or whatever.
I don't really believe that people fit into these categories and that's them defined (introvert or extrovert). People aren't that simple nor that similar.
This article reminds me of a load of star sign crap. 'If you have one in your life don’t let them go. From what
I’ve learned from being with one, once you lose an introvert’s trust,
you lose them forever.' and 'An introvert’s hard words are like diamonds. They can cut you in half.'... seriously?