Here's the scoop my fellow lady and male bloggers. I'm having some issues with my relationship of two years. My boyfriend no longer seems interested in me sexually. And let me tell you, in the beginning of the relationship, he was very interested. But a month and a half has gone by and he has not suggested anything to me once. When I try to suggest something he shrugs me off and says that he's not in the mood.
Now ladies, what is the matter with this picture? He's a 23 year old male living with a girl and not interested in sex.
I have tried many different tactics to get his attention. I've bought new clothing, gotten my nails done, did my hair in new ways, bought new undies. I've even went to the extent of shaving EVERYTHING. And I mean everything lad,ies. And still nothing.
He will kiss me, but it's just a peck. When I try to get more out of the kiss, he moves away. He still hugs me and cuddles me on the couch. But anytime I try to make it to more than just cuddling he won't have it.
Now for the first two weeks of him being uninterested I thought, "Oh well, at least I know he loves me for more than just sex." In fact, I already knew this. I've been living with him for about a year now so we've gotten used to how each other works. Maybe he's just gotten too used to me?
This is certainly unlike him.
What do you guys think? Is my boyfriend gay? Do I have something to worry about here? If you even have any advice on how I could spice things up a bit, please let me know! At this point... I'm open to anything.
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Comments (36)
Really? WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! A. He is seeing another girl B. He isn't attracted to you anymore and wants out. Neither are good, break up.
my boyfriend is the same. in reality, he is very non-sexual... it's just simply not something he values as much as other ways to spend time together. at first, i was unnerved. but then i adjusted and am shopping for a vibrator ;)
it most likely has nothing to do with you. perhaps he's experiencing some erectile disfunction?
i would expore that before assuming he's cheating or is bored. which are both possibilities.If nothing else has changed (ie, his life is otherwise pretty static), something's almost definitely up. He's probably not gay, he might not be seeing anyone else, but something has changed.
That might not mean anything in the relationship is wrong per se, and it might not mean that there's anything different about his feelings toward you. But something is different, and that's cause for discussion at the very least (if not a reassessment of the relationship as well).
maybe he just has a low libido compared to your high libido making y'all sexually incompatible. Why don't you just try expressing your concerns before questioning his sexuality?
Humans are not sexless animals. In fact, like most animals, sex is on the forefront of our brains most of the time. If this has changed, which it seems like it has, then sex is not the issue. There is something deeper than going on.
Dont get scared, it doesnt automatically mean he is cheating on you, or he is losing his 23 year old ability to have an erection. There are many things that might cause this.
In my case, increased stress and a new medication on his part, left me feeling, well, left out. I went to my man and we fought about it for a few months. He reassured me, time and time again, that it wasnt me. Well, it wasnt. Once he got off the medicine, the amore returned, with a vengeance.
What can you do? TALK. Talk about it, talk about it openly, talk about it alot. Talk about it until you feel satisfied. Then talk some more. The beauty of relationships is abject honesty.
If there is no communication, the sex will fade. If there is no sex, the relationship will fade.
@missbarbie08@xanga - There are more reasons for a lack in libido than cheating or disinterest. Many more, in fact. One being a byproduct of the pharmaceuticalized culture we live in. Most often, side effects of medicines as benign as tylenol will cause problems in the bedroom.
Author- dont jump to alarmist conclusions. Just talk it out. Thats where you will find your answer. In him, not in strangers on the internet. Not in webmd or xanga or facebook. But together, holding hands. Shining light on the topic and finding what truth there is.
It would be obvious for someone to say "well he's probably cheating on you", but I don't think that is the case. He may just be too used to you, in which case, I'd cut off the relationship, but only after talking to him about how you feel. Who knows what you might find out? he may have a new porn fetish,and doesn't want to talk about it for fear that you won't enjoy it. Talking it over with him may end up a lot better than you expected.
Just talk to him. List your concerns. If it were me I would say something along the lines of " I know you love me but it's been a month and a half that you have turned down sex with me, and it's worrying me that you're not sexually attracted to me anymore. Is that it? Or is it something else? I've dressed up for you and I remember when you couldn't keep your hands off me. I need to know what's up/wrong."
Also, has he been depressed? That can be a big factor. Just try and be able to communicate enough so that you can get a straight answer out of him.
talk to him about it
Your concerns are definitely warranted. It could be a lot of things: He could be cheating, he could be bored in his life in general, he could be going through a depressive episode. But it's almost certainly something bad, and something you need to confront him about and find a way to fix.
I don't think he is gay. It sounds like he is more interested in some other chick.
Wow. You just asked if he was gay. Jumping to extremes here, aren't we? Why don't you trying talking to him about it? Can't solve issues with your boyfriend unless you talk about TO HIM and not a bunch of strangers who don't know your relationship. Ask "Babe...What's up? Are you okay?" and address your issue.
Guys find anything predicable boring, so even if you're actually fun to everyone else, he might not see it anymore. Change what you do in your free time, and see if that works.
How much do you weigh now compared to a year ago?
@Lemonade_Constellation@xanga - This. He may be having male problems, but honestly it's odd that he wouldn't communicate that with you if you guys have been dating so long. Communication means everything.
Or he's sleeping with someone else. It seems like you wan to save your relationship, so I would probably find out what is up asap or leave.
talk to him.
1. you need to ask him, ASAP
2. anything can turn a guy off: poor hygiene, bad attitude, neediness, boredom (are you ok in all those departments)3. move out, cohabitation is never a good idea before marriage, a lot of relationships fail after cohabitation-guys get lazy and don't pursue you as muchPeople need to stop assuming! TALK TO HIM. It could be numerous reasons - he could be tired, stressed at work or on new medication that's killed his sex drive. I know when I got on anxiety/depression medication by sex drive just vanished, and it's still not the same as it used to be nearly a year later. I doubt he's gay, but he could be playing away or cheating, but you'll never know unless you talk to him!
The first conclusion you jump to is that he is gay?? *sigh*
maybe you should talk to him. Tell him that it worries you, be open and honest about it. If he doesn't want to talk about it right then, DO NOT try to force him to, just let him know he can trust you with whatever is going on. If it keeps up, suggest some relationship counseling (one that does both individual and couple sessions are best, in my opinion).
Umm, just because he doesn't want to have sex with you doesn't mean he's gay. I'm thinking he's not into it anymore. He probably sticks around because he still cares about you & is comfortable where the relationship is.. but this won't last long, obviously. Have a talk with him & if you're not hearing good things, break it off before things get nasty.
Several possibilities- medications, something wrong with his mental or physical health, losing interest in you- I'm sure there are other things going on than a simple lack of sex. Look around for what else is different and you'll probably figure it out.
Have you asked him why he's been acting like this? If not, you should probably ask him. Making up scenarios in your head definitely won't help.
Time to get kinky.