Sunday, 01 July 2012
-
Sex vs Love
I recently talked to an old childhood friend of mine that I see every few weeks because she works at the stadium with my stepdad, and she pulled me close and started going on and on about how she had sex for the first time with her boyfriend of one month. I was a little shocked, since she didn't really seem like the girl to have sex, but needless to say, I was all ears. After her little story, she motioned towards my boyfriend and I. "You guys are still dating?" We have been dating for about 10 months.
I nodded, "Yeah, why?""Have you even had sex?"
"No..." I said slowly. I have been thinking about it since we've been dating for almost a year now, but I have been holding it off to wait to get the right protection besides condoms. I would feel a lot safer, and I know my mom would be more relieved about me growing up if I used the right stuff. (After all, she did get pregnant with me at 17....and I'm 17...) My friend said, "Well...that's odd... you can't really keep anyone around without having sex with them... how are you two still together?"
I didn't know what to say after that... so I just smiled. "Sex isn't everything." And it isn't, at some point. Yes, I know it relieves stress, brings lovers together closer, and is something really enjoyable, but I also know that sex shouldn't make up an entire relationship. I love my boyfriend and I have someone who respects my body and my wishes, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind us waiting judging by how long he's stayed with me.
I thought my friend was insane for saying that... but then again, everyone has their own opinions. But what really matters is the love the two people share for each other.What do you think? Could you have a relationship without having sex? Is sex everything? Tell me your thoughts!
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: lovelikerockets422@xanga
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 5 Views: 0 16131 Comments: 0 188 View all posts by lovelikerockets422@xanga
Comments (54)
No sex isn't everything but does have quite a bit of importance. However, if you're not ready and your boyfriends fine with it, great for you guys. :) Just enjoy your relationship! Ignore that girl because you shouldn't have to put out to keep someon around. Low self esteem right there.
it is easy to say what you're saying if you are still a virgin, but your friend is actually correct--it is impossible to keep someone around (guy or girl) without sex. if you're getting each other off in some form, that can work for some time, though.
your english needs some improvement, by the way. towards my boyfriend and me.
Even though I am 26 years old and been in a few relationships and have had sex, I would like to experience a relationship where you wait longer for it. I think it would be better and I think a lot of times people rush into sex. Once you start having sex it seems the time spent out and the spent just getting to know each other lessens because some of that time together is spent on your physical relationship. So I think it is good to wait, to get to know each other and just enjoy each other's company before every time you're together feels like it has to lead to sex.
My first time was when I was 19. It was my first relationship and I regret doing it now but also I sort of don't because I probably wouldn't have broken up with him. I thought it was horrible and I hated it, with him at least, and he kept wanting it so I finally just broke up with him just so I didn't have to do it anymore. It sounds so silly thinking back on it.
You shouldn't have to sleep with somebody to make them stay with you, that's a toxic relationship. Keep doing what you're doing. :)
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - "but your friend is actually correct--it is impossible to keep someone around (guy or girl) without sex."
Apparently it's not impossible to keep her around without sex, so it's safe to say that perhaps for the first time in your life you are wrong on one count when it comes to this topic, genius. Now divide the number of people you have met by the number of people you haven't (there are approximately 7,021,836,029 total), and that should give you a pretty good idea of how many people you never knew CAN be kept around without sex.
OH that's right... we need to factor in people who, like yourself, convince that ever-dwindling population they are wrong and it cannot be done. I thought you said you were a quant on Wall Street?
Fact: It takes a village to raise a slut.
Self-awareness - not sold in stores.
My fiance & I dated & got engaged before we even kissed let alone had physical contact (we were friends first then when I broke up with my ex, we started dating long distance). Yes physical intimacy is a factor in a relationship but it shouldnt be the deciding factor or the #1. Everyone has different needs so as long as you discuss it with your SO & you're on the same page, it's fine. Tell everyone else to mind their fucking business. From what I've seen, people who ask other about sex are lacking it so they try to be nosy. ;)
I was with the same guy for 5 years and we never had sex. So it's definitely possible.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Ha, thanks... but this is a blog... not an English class ;)
I'm sure because you're older, our views are much different.. thanks for your opinion! :)
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - Get it girl! :P
@Megzzzx@xanga - Good advice :) thank you. I gave mine away to a jacka$$ so I know how you feel...and I regret it to this day. It's easy to erase it though, because it really wasn't anything... I'm pretty much best friends with my boyfriend, so when the wait is over, it will be something extra special. But I don't plan on doing much just yet.
it's definitely doable to have a relationship w/o sex. the relationship before sex is different than the relationship w/sex. sex isn't everything.
when i was 17, sex was a huge deal and it made sense to hold out because it would cloud your relationships. but now it seems like it's better to have sex early on, like within 5 dates or so. otherwise the sexual tension just keeps building and strangles the relationship.
I love the phrase "she didn't really seem like the girl to have sex". Hint for future life... girls like that don't actually exist.
One of the hardest part of the years you are going through, and will be continuing to go through over the next decade or so, is dealing with shifting standards and values. The values that were necessary for high school are different than the ones for college, the ones for the business world are different than those necessary for the academic world, and the ones necessary for a family aren't line-by-line the same ones necessary for a church service (no matter how many pastors will tell you otherwise). Simply put, if you aren't comfortable doing something, don't do it. If you are (and it isn't illegal), then enjoy whatever it is, and own it...don't apologize for it or blame others for your decision.
As far as sex being an entire relationship, this is something I think you are right to worry about... but probably not with this boyfriend. If he's been going out with you for over half a year (that's like 1/140th of his entire life) and hasn't dumped you for lack of sex, then you probably have other things in common, and enjoy a variety of activities together. When that stops (or if, in the more common case, with a future boyfriend you never enjoy any shared activities other than sexual ones), it is a relationship-breaking problem. However, lack of sex is not a solution to that problem... an increase in other shared activities is. I would caution against confusing "We aren't all about sex/We don't have sex" with "We enjoy doing many things together". You MUST have the latter to have a successful, long-term relationship, and the former really has nothing to do with it.
I waited over a year & some change to give in to my first serious boyfriend. It's not like I put it on a pedestal, but I did know that I didn't want to lose it in the back seat of a car or drunk at a party either. I also knew I didn't want to be used - so the act of waiting for a year before I gave him my V-card was to give myself time to see if he was the One I wanted to lose it too, & give him time to see that if he was looking for a quick nail n' bail, I wasn't the one so he should move on. It worked out wonderfully for me, I am no longer with him but I have no regrets because at the time, I was in love with him.
There is no standard "time" constraint on when you should have sex with someone. Anyone who says different is a fucking idiot. It's all up to you & your partner & your comfort levels. Ignore the "advice/question" your friend shot at you too, you can be in a committed & loving relationship with someone without jumping into sex at any point in the near future. For example: As stated, my then boyfriend & I dated longer then you & your man have been doing, before I gave it up to him & we had a great dating experience. Your friend seems petty & a tad jealous even? that you & your guy have been together happily for so long without having to have sex. She sounds like the type that has low self-esteem & went ahead with it to "keep" her boyfriend into her.
So what YOU feel is right & don't listen to others who say different.
I was in a relationship for five and a half years without having sex. We were both Christians, and we both wanted to wait until marriage. You're absolutely right... Sex isn't everything. It's a mere fraction of what constitutes a relationship.
@lovelikerockets422@xanga - Sex isn't everything. I realized this when I had one ex try to rape me and I realized there was no way in hell I was ever going to be foolish with my virginity. I went all through high school without giving up and I had a couple serious relationships. When I met my fiance and we started to date he respected me wanting to wait and he loved me deeply so he wasn't going anywhere. One night, about 3 weeks into our relationship I decided he was the one so we had sex. He didn't push it on me or rush me into the decision and I don't regret it at all. We've been dating about 3 years (engaged for one week) and we don't see each other every single day and when we do we don't always have sex. If the guy really cares about he will respect you, your body and your choices :) I say good for you for waiting and not jumping into anything!
@TheShatteredFallen@xanga - See! You're a prime example of rising out of the ashes and seeing through into the better... I pretty much had the same experience, but it was more pressured into sex, and then I realized I needed to treat myself better and give myself the chance to find a guy I deserved!
I'm so glad things worked out for you. You're very lucky! Congrats on the engagement :)
And thank you.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years. No sex. I'm not going to say it's not hard for us to abstain from it, because after 3 years every once in a while you just want to throw in the towel and say, "what the hay." And that every once in a while seems to happen a lot more the longer we've been together. But, somehow we can still say that we are virgins, and we are going to be until we marry each other.
Sex is not everything. But, it is a part of the relationship that can bring you closer together (or push you apart), especially if you and your S.O. have a problem the first time. Honestly, in my current relationship, the first time was terrible! But, it gave us a chance to talk about how things can get better, where we each feel comfortable and especially how it was good for our relationship to get past that early on.
If I could go back and do it again, I wouldn't change anything about my sexual past (how many people can say they drunkenly (voluntarily) had a one night stand with someone named Toad??) except maybe one instance.
People will talk about their sex lives with you, until you set your boundaries about that. But, don't let that pressure you. If you set your mind to it, and have a supportive boyfriend, you can wait as long as you want, until you are comfortable.
I couldn't marry someone without having sex to them. No, it's not everything. Yes, it's important to have that bond. With that said, I wait when the time is right in a relationship before having sex and I'm in love with them, and we've figured a lot out.
I am glad I had sex for the first time when I did. Because after that it did not become some big deal if I did it or not. Its a personal choice that is none of anyone's else's concern. It really took the pressure off of "omg how far is this going to go. Idk if i am ready omg uhh is this the right guy. bla bla bla" Its hard to enjoy someones company when you are constantly worried about your self.
Please don't let what your friend is saying make you think you need to hurry up and have sex with your boyfriend.
If he was going to leave because he was too impatient, he would have done so a long time ago.
Once you've lost your virginity, it will be hard to ever be in another relationship without having sex...BUT it's definitely not everything. Good for you for waiting until you have better protection and are ready. You won't regret it.
No, sex isn't everything... i was in 2 long relationships (the 1st a year and the 2nd almost 2yrs) before I met my hubby.. and I didn't sleep with either of those guys... my hubby and i dated LD for 13 months before we got married (we were together 15 months before our wedding) and we both waited until we got married..... and I don't regret a thing. We have the rest of our lives together to practice!
Sex is not everything, but I'm sure it can make or break a relationship. If you're boyfriend happens to break it off with you because of lack of sex, then he didn't really love you in the first place. When you love someone, you should love them for everything they are and everything they're not. My boyfriend and I are sexually active, so I can't relate to you, but I know if one day I decide to hold off on sex, he'd be there to support me because he loves me for me -- not for the sex. Good luck with your relationship! <3