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My boyfriend wants me to allow him to "swing." He wants to go at it with another lady...while I'm with him. In other words, he would like to avoid the guilt of cheating on me by knowing that "I approve" of it. My point is... if you wanna be with another woman go ahead and be with another woman, if it's what you wanna do, go do it. I will consider it cheating and I will wanna chop your friggin' head off when you tell me you did it, but I will respect you more if you break up with me first than if you keep me hanging on.
Has anyone been in a successful relationship AFTER they granted their S.O. a hall pass? I am extremely threatened by the idea. Thanks for your time!
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If you don't want your significant other to be granted a hall pass, because you don't want him to be with another woman, and you feel that it would be more honest if he just cheated on you, then perhaps you should tell him this is how you feel, and if he insists, break up with him. Have the strength to be alone if necessary if the alternative will make you more miserable since there is such a thing as being more lonely with someone than without. Whether a relationship works with others if the guy is granted a pass is irrelevant to you if it is something you don't like. And ignore the Ethan Hawkes of the world.
Break it off.
WTF... -_-
That is the antithesis of a relationship. It's an attempt to downplay the gravity of the true nature of the situation.
Wanting or giving a hall pass to avoid "cheating" is the equivalent of a person asking a cop if they can smoke just 1 joint because they don't want to get "high".
It is already cheating per se.
Tell him that you have been thinking about it and you may be open to the idea. Then ask him if it's a two way street because there is this guy you have had your eye on too. Be descriptive about the guy's body. It would even be better if it was someone he knows. He'll know if you are bullshitting him. So try to be casual and below the radar. You really need to sell it though. You will see how quickly he revokes his hall pass application.
I'd be really upset if someone asked me for a hall pass. I would wonder why I wasn't enough for him. Tell him you don't want to do it. If he doesn't like your answer then break up with him.
that's your free pass to gush to him about david gandy. if you don't already know who he is, then look up his pics. he's so sexy that it is unbelievable. no wonder he's a super model
I'd abandon my entire life to be with that walking sexpot man
I'm+/-25% kidding
If he's looking he's halfway through the door....drop him like a ton of bricks.
He evidently doesn't have respect for you or your relationship with him. When you refuse to gran him a "hall pass" chances are he'll just feel tied down - why not just let him go and find someone who wants to be with you and ONLY you?He just wants permission to cheat. If my boyfriend ever asked for one, it'd be over, no questions asked, because I'd never be able to trust him again after he told me something like that. Break up with him and find someone who actually wants to be with YOU, not you and a bunch of other girls.
Oh god.. seriously? It's one thing to ask for a threesome after you've been together for awhile, but this is ridiculous. How long have you been dating? If it hasn't been more than, like, 5 years then you might as well break it off now because if he's getting antsy already it's never going to end well.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I didn't know who David Gandy was, but man maybe you should've provided a disclaimer. Warning: You will get wet. hahah
Oh this is pathetic. Your asshole of a boyfriend wants to have his cake && eat it too. Tell him to swing//fuck whatever else he wants to do with other women and leave.
He's thought about it, he's asking and obviously interested in acting on it. Unless you guys had an open relationship to start with or decided to start having one this is cheating.
And even if you say no, it doesn't mean he won't do it... he obviously wants it.
Wave goodbye and find someone better.
What's with these douche bag boyfriends? seriously I wanna tear this dude a new one, too. Let me at 'em! Break up with him it should be a given answer.
One of two things will either happen: He will try to weasel his way back into your life in which you should profusely ignore him, or two: he will get with that girl in the end.
Ask him if he knows the definition of a relationship and what it means, then tell him to go fuck himself.
No, I have not granted my SO a "hall pass." And I don't intend to--I do not condone this kind of behavior. Clearly, you do not approve of such behavior. Considering that, I don't think the relationship would have worked out after he does his philandering. Even if you say he can, you won't really ever accept the facts of the truth.
I'm in the same situation. I really don't know how to handle it either. The pressure he puts on me to have his "guilt free" passes has gone down, but I still know that its something he wants.
@lttlegel@lovelyish - I mentioned that he is unbelievably sexy, and a walking sexpot, but I should've been more descriptive and said that he drips of wetsex and um, I'd surrender on his naked bod anytime
If you're threatened by the idea, then it will not work for you. End of story.
he's asking you to allow him to cheat...that's basically what it means. it's a hell no for me. if my so is going to ask me for a hall pass then i'm going to have to ask him why we are together in the first place. it's quite plain and simple.
Tell your man that you aren't into giving out hall passes on either end here & you would consider him going ahead anyways as cheating & it's a done deal between you two. If he insists on wanting a hall pass even after you've explained how it makes you feel in him wanting one & that you don't approve - break it off. He obviously wants less of a committed relationship then you do.
What he's looking for is an open relationship. If you're not comfortable with that, but it's something he really wants....then you both need to move on and look for people you're more compatible with.
I really think you guys are freaking out for no reason. If your SO can't ask for/express their wants/needs with you....then you obviously don't need to be in a relationship at all. If you're not comfortable with it JUST SAY NO AND MOVE ON. There's no reason for every chick that comments to want to 'rip him a new one'
Would you rather him ask, or would you rather come home one night and he has another chick in your bed?!
@wretched_epiphany@xanga - I'd rather he be faithful in a relationship and not even bring up this question while he is in a relationship with me. It is one thing to say they want to break up because things aren't working out but another to ask her to stick around while he's screwing someone else. What a jack ass. It is ludicrous to ask such a request. I hope she ended it with him and he may as well have cheated anyway because it sounds like he's gonna do that side chick with or without her permission. He would just feel less guilty about it if he had her approval.
I actually had a guy friend who is married state that they wanted to have sex with me. I said that I would never want to disrespect his wife, Katie, and the relationship they have together. Apparently she goes back and forth with allowing him to screw other girls, but occasionally gets upset about it...so he just does what he wants, tells her after the fact, and keeps his fingers crossed that she won't get upset. I could never be in a relationship like that. I don't share and I don't play well with others.
@one love - And it's perfectly okay for you to feel that way about it. But the point is, if you've never discussed it previously...how is he supposed to KNOW that you are completely 100% no exceptions against it? That's all I'm saying. The guy ASKING for it is not the crime. If he's a jerk about it once he's told that you're uncomfortable with it, THEN be pissed off. But the fact is, open relationships are gaining more attention and popularity these days....so it's not unheard of for a guy to wonder if that's something you might be interested in.
How would you feel if you were genuinely curious about something and got your ass chewed just for mentioning it?
Leave his ass. End of story.
@wretched_epiphany@xanga - He isn't asking for an open relationship he's asking for her to join them in a threesome. if he doesn't know what a relationship entails then she should dump him and no one is freaking out except for you. if my bf ever asked me such a question i'd dump his ass on the spot saying if he wants to act single then he can be single.
not enough information given.
I have seen open relationships do wonderfully but its all about what you want and can handle. Some people are just not built for it. This is where communication is key.