Last night, I watched
The Secret Life of the American Teenager. The ABC Family show was unbelievable. Not in a wow-that-was-amazing way, but in a that-would-never-actually-happen way. The acting was bad, and the storyline outrageous. But what really killed my suspension of disbelief was that the
teenagers told their parents way too much.
To put things in perspective, I'm completely at the other extreme. My parents and I hardly ever speak.
It's not that we don't get along, but we're not that close. I went to boarding school, and my parents spend most of their time overseas, so this has been the norm since I was 14. When my Californian roommate is at college in NYC, she speaks to her mother every single day. Multiple times, I've not spoken to my parents for a month, and none of us has even noticed.
Which is why, the only relationship-related news I ever tell my parents is A) I got a boyfriend, or B) We broke up.
My (lack of) communication with my parents probably doesn't amount to the healthiest relationship. But even if we spoke more, I would tell them little more about my love life. The teenagers on this TV show go into way more detail about their sex lives to their parents than I, nor any of my friends, ever would.
OK, so these teens are in high school, and a few of them have gotten pregnant. But in my experience, high schoolers are far less open about their sex lives than college students, at least to their parents. In high school, it's still taboo to be having sex. In college, it becomes a little more acceptable.
But this is a TV show. The reason that the teens talk so much to their parents here is because, as
The New York Times puts it, it's really a "cautionary tale" about teen pregnancy, made in collaboration with the National Campaign To Prevent Teen And Unplanned Pregnancy. At every commercial break, a star of the show encourages viewers to talk to their children/parents about sex to avoid pregnancy.
Avoiding pregnancy when you're not ready for it is great, and you should speak to your family abou it. But going into detail about your sex life that isn't oh, I'm dating someone, that tells them about all the essentially casual sex you're having, seems a bit excessive.
You can't tell your parents everything. At some point, you have to draw the boundaries and say, this is my personal life and doesn't have to do with you. For me, that point is my sex life. My mom spoke to me about sex, but we never went past that, and we never will. In my parent's eyes, I am a virgin until I die - yes, even if I have children. Hey, it could have been immaculate conception, right?
How much information do you give your parents about your sex lie?
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Comments (23)
I varies depending on how open you've been with your parents to begin with. We are pretty open, hence we know a lot.
I'm not going to sit down with my parents and tell them every guy I've ever hooked up with. That would be going too far I think. My dad broke down once and asked me how many guys I've slept with and I gave him an honest answer. It might be something we all joke about, but nothing that we ever go into much detail about. I'm slightly closer to my parents than some people where joking about me having sex is acceptable and not weird or anything. But like I said, I don't go into much detail with my parents where my sex life is concerned. That's just weird. Isn't that what best friends are for?
I'm not open with my dad about it, but my mom and I talk about it. She doesn't know the number of people I've slept with, but she knows I have. She also put my on birth control when I was 15/16 just in case, although I didn't have sex until I was 18. She always wanted us to be very open with each other regarding sex because her mom and her were so taboo about it.
i think if my parents knew that i'd ever touched a girl in ANY non-platonic sense, they would break down and cry. they have been begging me since i was 23 to get married. they told me i should live with them until said marriage. they think that girls will become interested in guys that aren't actively banging them.
sorry, dad. life doesn't work that way.
.00000001%
i love my parents and we talk daily but i just know better. i slightly envy some friends that are able to be open, but i know my household isn't one of those places. my entire family is extremely catholic- if they find out you aren't that way you'll be financially cut off, ostracized, talked trash on and every family member will have something to say.... but when they see you, they'll behave. (for the most part) they are good people and have good intentions, its just not how i'd raise my children and really lack of education is what leads to "unexpected" pregnancies and stds. and id want my children to be comfortable making their own choices and feeling supported
i thought the question was "how much info do you give your parents on your love life?" but now that it says "sex life" the answer is obviously 0.
My parents essentially know everything. It's not that I go to them and tell them all the details of my personal life, but we talk a lot, and when things come up in conversation, I would rather not lie about it. There was a significant span of time where they knew next to nothing, but as I got older, they started making assumptions, and I wasn't going to lie to them.
Honestly, I feel better that they know. I never feel like I'm hiding a major part of my life from them.
rarely if ever. my single mom never put pressure on me about sex even though you'd think that she would if she doesn't want me to repeat history and be a single mom, not that it is a bad thing if the couple doesn't work out, so she just let things flow I guess. I put pressure on myself anyway because I was a perfectionist, not because she encouraged me to be or put pressure on me to get straight A's or whatever else like how some parents might coerce their kids to join clubs, play musical instruments, take more classes or whatever else. the only way I rebelled is that my mom is a liberal and I'm a conservative. so if she was a conservative, then I'd probably be a liberal or raging skank by now
my cousins' parents, on the other hand, put restrictions on their kids and they rebelled against basically everything that their parents said they couldn't do, and got into lots of trouble, ending up in juvenile hall and adult prison later. along with smoking, drugs, alcohol, violence, prison tatts-tatts inked in prison, involved in gangs, etc. I took my cousins as the anti-example and was straight edge
I can tell that they are annoyed of me and would feel better if I did at least one thing that they did. I'm no angel but I'm not that evil either. the difference is that I don't do things to get attention like they have, the little naughty things that I do remain private
my mom knows that I have a naughty sexual side, but she doesn't call me out on it directly, because I know that she has a secret naughty side, too. she can't say anything about me taking provocative pics because she has done the same
I saw the pics
momma, nooooooooooo!!!!!!!! roflol
I´m pretty close with my mom, but nonetheless I´m still a little shy about bringing certain things up, like the whole sex thing. But I still talk to her about a lot of things. We´re pretty open about love and dating but not really sex. But I know where the line can´t be crossed and we talk about protection and all that.
I wouldn't tell my parents anything...my personal life is none of their business.
I certainly wouldn't tell my parents anything sexual at all. That's just borderline incestual. EW.
My mum knows how many guys I've slept with, but that's it. I assume she's told me dad, but I certainly haven't sat down and spoken to him about it. Obviously I don't tell them any details, but they do know when relationships are getting "physical" because I'm spending the night at their place a lot more, and they just want me to be safe and obviously don't want me to get an STD or to get pregnant when I'm nowhere near ready to support a child.
My mom knew when I lost my virginity, but she didnt know anything else until I was dating my now husband. I would never discuss my sex life with her
Hmm alright that makes sense for you but some people are closer with their parents & might be more detailed. I'm pretty open with my mum about it to the point where she knows how many guys I had sex with (but then, I don't sleep around & if I did I probably wouldn't tell her) but I think you're right about going into detail. Mostly I ask her questions, which is why she knows some things. But I do keep it pretty vague.
I might have to give the show a watch & experience what you're saying firsthand before I can compare, though, because my definition & your definition of TMI might be different.
Open, honest relationship. That's just how my family is. Heck, Mom walked in on my sister and told her she wasn't doing it right. LMFAO!
The whole fam damily knew when I had sex for the first time. I wasn't secretive about it, but wasn't going to advertise it, either, but apparently my face said everything. lol
Dad: "What did you two do this morning?"
Me: *huge freakin' grin*
Dad: "Good girl."
I tell them about guys I'm interested in, but I don't tell them about my sex life. I think they honestly think I'm still a virgin. (I'm 29.)
My mom really doesn't like it that my current love interest is much more experienced than I am, and she mentions it a lot. (I didn't even tell her. I happened to mention to my sister that his girlfriend at the time had moved in with him, and she just had to blab...) I just nod, while thinking to myself that if we do get together, we're getting STD tests before we sleep together. But of course I don't say that. The idea that I'm planning of sleeping with him at some point would lead to a whole different discussion that I have no desire to have with her.
None. I don't speak to my parents.
Both of my parents know how many people Ive been with but thats because its only 2 since Im not a whore :) jk jk anyway I dont go into detail or anything but Im a grown adult & have two kids. They obviously know I have sex.
My parents are aware that I am not a virgin. I don't bring it up and neither do they. And I'm fine with that. And so are they. I am open about being safe and taking care of my sexual health, but that's about it.
can't tell my parents anything because they're too conservative, unlike my friends' parents. sad face.
none. it's not their business. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't appreciate it if I delved into their sex life with a bunch of uncomfortable questions.
I tell my mum almost absolutely everything, shes my best friend :) but I don't go into details like what positions or whatever that's just weird, I hardly talk about that in that much detail to my friends haha
"In my parent's eyes, I am a virgin until I die - yes, even if I have children."
LOL! Awesome, and so true.
Dont tell em unless the pressure u and rlly put u on the spot, otherwise just give them a gesture like rolling your eyes and/or some other gesture the basically says "youre rediculous" in a joking manor :)